My brother is an Idol

Chapter 85

Hyoyoung replied quietly, “I know.”

Myunghee continued, “I actually wished that I was really crazy. I wished I was insane.”

“…”

“If I was… then I thought that maybe it would be easier… If I lost my mind, I wouldn’t know, right? I wouldn’t have to face my painful reality. Not knowing would be… better than this.”

“I… I feel the same way about my situation right now.”

“It was the first time I learned that people can be kind and warm.”

“What…?”

“The M taught me that.”

Myunghee started to talk slowly and Hyoyoung listened.

“There has never been anything good in my life. No one has ever told me that I was pretty. When I smiled, I was punished for smiling, and when I remained quiet, I was rebuked for being too quiet.”

“That must’ve been very hard.”

“No, the thing is… I didn’t know any better. All I knew was always being criticized and punished, so I had nothing to compare my situation to. So… it wasn’t so bad because I always thought that was normal. I always felt lonely, but it wasn’t so hard… until I met The M.”

“But still…”

“You can’t possibly know unless you went through it. A life with no hope. I had nothing. That was my life.”

“…”

“I thought that perhaps if I left Korea and forget about my past, I might be able to live a new life. Maybe… I would be able to find someone who could love me, who could make me happy. But that brief hope… was taken away immediately. My uncle went bankrupt and my mom blamed me for it like it was my fault. I was used to it, so it wasn’t anything new, but that didn’t mean that it was ok.”

“Of course not…”

“And that was when I met the oppas.”

“The… M?”

“It was the first time I learned that people can make your life better. Just by being there… Just their existence alone can make you feel better.”

Hyoyoung nodded immediately. She knew exactly what Myunghee was talking about. Whenever she was with Kiwook, the way he looked at her made her feel warm.

And Hyojun… He may sometimes act blunt and mean, but his presence provided her with comfort. Hyunsuk and Jiwoo also brightened her life.

Myunghee burst into tears again.

“I just didn’t want to lose that…”

Hyoyoung could see the deep sadness in her. She didn’t know what to say, so she did the only thing she could.

Hyoyoung just patted her back comfortingly as she continued, “It was the first time ever in my life that I felt some warmth… and I thought that if I lost it… I would never be able to get it back… and I thought that I would end up dying in darkness. So… I… I didn’t want anyone to take it away from me.”

“So that’s why you did it?”

“I’m sorry…”

“About what?”

“Just… about everything. I’m sorry about everything.”

“Unnie… I can call you Unnie, right? Listen to me carefully.”

“Huh?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Unnie.”

“What…?”

“I think I would’ve done the same thing if I were in your situation. If I thought my only hope in life was going to be taken away from me… The only light, the only warmth in my life. I understand why you did it.”

“You…”

“I do. I really do. You were only trying to do anything and everything to keep what is most important to you.”

“You…”

“But…”

“…?”

“But despite all that… despite the fact that I understand why you did everything, I still can’t help but hate you.”

“…”

“It’s not ALL your fault, Unnie, but because of you, a lot of people got hurt. Unnie, you may think I’m overstepping here, but I need to say this to you.”

“What is it…?”

“The truth is… it isn’t the oppas that are warm.”

“W, what do you mean?”

“It’s not the oppas that are warm. It’s you, Unnie, who is cold.”

“What…?”

“If you don’t realize this fact and learn to be warm, especially yourself, your life will always feel cold. It wouldn’t matter who you would have in your life. You need to learn to love yourself, Unnie. No one else can do it for you. So stop hating yourself. I… I guess I don’t have any right to say this to you, especially considering my current situation and how I feel about myself… because I really… really hate myself right now.”

“I… I need to learn to be warm?”

“Well… there is a story I heard a long time ago. A cloud and the sun decided you have a competition of who can make a man take his jacket off. A cloud blew strong wind at the man, trying to blow away the jacket, but the man only hung on to it tighter. But when the sun shone brightly at him, he took it off himself because it was getting too hot. I’m not sure if this is an appropriate story for this situation, but… I think you are being a cloud right now. If you keep blowing cold winds at everyone, who would want to be near you? What you need to become is the sun. Once you learn to have and share your warmth, people will want to be with you.”

“I-I get it. I understand what you are saying.”

Hyoyoung was about to reply when suddenly, a man stumbled into the hallway and yelled, “Hey! You there! Myunghee Shin!”

It was President Shim.

He seemed drunk, but he still walked fast towards Myunghee and Hyoyoung.

He yelled angrily, “You idiot!”

SLAP!

He hit the back of Myunghee’s head hard, making her fall forward.

Hyoyoung stood up and grabbed his hand as she yelled, “What do you think you are doing?!”

President Shim’s eyes were red and when he turned towards Hyoyoung, he sneered, “Huh? Who do we have here?”