Kyle the Apprentice Warlock

“Puppies and kittens are fluFFY AND SWEET.  WHY DON’T WE COOK THEM UP AS A SWEeet treat. Mmmm mmm mm mmmmmm”  Gleipnir’s singing voice had started out faint, suddenly boomed in volume as the large door between them opened wider, and then became muffled again as the small airlock leading to the changing room closed after the group had shuffled through as they vacated the chamber holding the dragon remains. 

Jones’ eyes had widened, and his head turned slowly to glare with perplexity in Gleipnir’s general direction.  His face was a general mask of what-the-actual-fuck and Kyle spared a moment to smirk ruefully at the poor soldier who didn’t know, that was how most people felt around Gleipnir.  With the door closed behind them Kyle made for the small laboratory that was prepared for them, weaving amongst his companions to avoid tangling their air lines.

Now that they had the parts, they would need to clean them of the dangerous dragon bits.  Ooorrr… the thought flashed through his mind.  It would be useful for the museum to have dragon parts for enchanting in the fut– No.  He shook his head.  What was he thinking?  That would be wrong.

“Wattkins!”  A sharp bark came over their comms.  Both Kyle and Sam’s heads jerked up at the angry male voice.  The siblings questioningly pantomimed to each other in silent inquiry as to which one of them was in trouble this time.  Alex was gesturing a general ‘what-the-heck’ at her partner as she tried to figure out what kind of trouble she hadn’t succeeded in keeping them out of. “What are you doing interfering in my operation?  I thought I had you on suppression and cleanup.” 

Ah.  Kyle knew who that was now.  Malice suffused his countenance as Sam and Alex ceased their unspoken back and forth conversation of facial expressions, angry mouthed words, and short violent gestures.

“Son of a bitch.”  Jones murmured and the other three turned to him, surprised that the stoic Magicorps soldier had been the first to break the silence.

“Excuse you?  Who is this?”  The military officer who must have somehow blustered his way into the observation room demanded over the comm thinking he had any kind of say in the matter.

“You’re that soon to be court martialed idiot who sent Anna to be interrogated by those Daedalus Engineering jackasses.”  Sam’s nostrils flared with rage and Alex felt the adrenalin rush that was always triggered when her partner’s eyebrow began to twitch with anger.

“What?  Did? You? Say?”  Each word was cold and precise, suffused with the simmering temper that the older Wattkins daughter was so well known for.  Before anyone could respond, a roar came through the communications systems followed by an angry bellow.

“HE DID WHAT, TO MY BABY SISTER?” Gleipnir’s howling anger vibrated through the walls and floor of the building.  The vibration quickly became a tremor as Gleipnir released the massive weight and magic of the monster corpse he was containing.  “FACE ME MORTAL FOR YOUR JUDGEMENT IS NEIGH!”

Muffled screams reached the ears of the four in the secured laboratory as the remaining workers in the warehouse fled Gleipnir’s wrath.  Sam smothered a harsh bark of laughter and put a hand to her head smearing a little crimson smudge across her faceplate.  It would have been funnier if she wasn’t so upset herself.

“Who…? What…?”  The sheer panic in the fellow would have been funny if not for the fact that Kyle was infuriated with this blowhard.  “What is that thing?  Why is the suppression equipment reanimating?”  At that, Sam rolled her eyes.

“Oh, Jesus Christ.  He really is a moron.”  She murmured to her brother.  “I bet whatever branch he belongs to would give us medals for violently removing him from the chain of command.”  Both Kyle and Jones snorted as he officer rambled on.

“Wattkins.  Is this your doing?  Cease and desist.  That’s an order.”  The building was now shaking hard as Gleipnir’s wrath ratcheted up the arcanes that were filling the warehouse morgue.  This time Sam rolled her eyes so hard that she might have actually sprained something because she stopped mid eyeroll with a wince and put a hand to her face again.

“None of us are in your chain of command you imbecile.  This is an FBI case, we were on scene first, take it up with my superiors when communication is restored.  That’s not magic suppression equipment manifesting a monster, it’s a sentient warlock pact item.  Gleipnir.  And lastly – ”

“Lastly,” Kyle chimed in as he activated the authority spell in his museum identification badge, a spell created by some intelligent soul with foresight a plenty specifically for dealing with asshats like this jerk, “The Museum has been called for consultation and this is not the purview of our experts under the aegis of the Magicorps.  You will not interfere.”

“And he’s about to lose his job and Lucifer’s got a special place waiting for him in all the hells because he messed with an Archangel’s Goddaughter.”  Jones murmured with a self-satisfied smirk on his face.  Those words brightened up Sam’s dark scowl.

“Really?” She inquired happily.

“REALLY?” Gleipnir chimed from the beyond their sight.

“Watched the main man lay the smackdown myself.” He reassured them. “Should have seen the look on the interrogators’ faces when the literal G-O-D started walking towards the portal to intervene.  I think at least two guys fucking pissed themselves.”

“Nioce!”  Sam offered the Magicorps soldier a bloody high five that splattered a little onto Kyle.  Alex managed to smoothly sidestep out of the way.

“Nioce!” Came Gleipnir’s more reasonable tone over the comms.  “Hey, I’m coming in through the airlock to get cleaned off.”  The sounds of distant airlock mechanisms came through their comms as Kyle started speaking to his sister.

“On a side note,” Kyle interjected. “Did you know that heaven has an attorney?”

“What?  Really?  No way!”  They had all turned towards the airlock to the decontamination chamber to go meet up with Gleipnir.

“For real.  I didn’t see it myself, but Jones told me all about it.” Sam spared Jones a skeptical glance.

“On my wand.” He placed a fist over his heart in the formal warlocks pledge of truth and Sam gave a respectful nod.

“Holy shit!”  She paused at the door as they cycled through.

“Yeah.  I’m surprised mom never told us about this.  Because an attorney sure would have come in handy to deal with – ” Kyle’s words halted abruptly and he zipped his mouth shut as his sister broke in with a threat.

“You will stop that sentence right there or I will make you suffer in ways even demons cannot imagine.”  Jones looked at the pair of siblings in alarm but didn’t say anything.

“That’s the smart move.”  Alex assured Kyle with a pat on the shoulder as she moved past him into the cycling airlock door.

“That’s my Sammy.”  Gleipnir chimed in happily as he wrapped his tail around her waist and nuzzled his head against her shoulder.

“What is going on?”  The officer who had finally gotten his voice back after Kyle’s spell had silenced him growled over the comms.  “What are you doing?  You can’t just come into my…”

“You are a stubborn one.  Not sure how you slipped through the mental health screenings to get to your rank.” Grimacing, Kyle reactivated the authority spell.  Sometimes the spell didn’t work as well on people who were really stupid or who had inflated egos to the point of it being a personality disorder.  “I’m with The National Museum of Unnatural Science and History.  This device is under our purview, and we will be taking it with us for examination in the appropriate facilities guarded by the Magicorps.”

Silence.

Okay.  Not complete silence.

A muffled sound of anger, as if someone were trying to speak but there was something covering their mouth or preventing it from opening.  Lots of grunts and some shrieks too.

“That should hold for a bit.” He let himself into the decontamination chamber as they had all been walking that way.  “I hope it holds until we leave.” 

Showers started, water infused with magic nullifying and absorbing particles washed off their suits.  They were a mess.  A big one.  Awful and gross and probably in danger of magical overexposure if the decontamination facilities didn’t work like they were supposed to. 

Should I really be that concerned about magic exposure?  After what I did yesterday, what are the odds that I’m really okay?  He shook his head and banished the thought.  It would be fine.  The codex would have warned him if he’d – wouldn’t it have?  It would be fine.  He checked his codex making sure that it was still attached to his suit.  The pact item was very well constructed and protected so it shouldn’t suffer any damage from the decontamination shower.

A faintly visible field repelled most of the water raining down around the book.  But did the surface seem as if it was ever so slightly damp?  No.  He was being paranoid.

Everything will be fine.