Hive Minds Give Good Hugs

Blood is on the floor.

Two strangers lay in an unfamiliar kitchen, Tara pinning one as she snarls in fury. The man under her is just as wrathful, one of his arms broken and the other bent painfully in her grasp. They spit curses at each other.

A woman lies to my right, propped in a barely-sitting position against her kitchen counter. Bruises line her neck, more still welling up beneath the skin as I watch. She wears long sleeves despite the hot weather. Desperate tears pour down her face, head in her hands. She does not look at or acknowledge me.

What should I do?

Ha. Such a useless question. What can I do? I open my mouth to speak to her, but no words come out. I kneel down to offer comfort, but I only collapse to my knees. It's hard to focus on anything other than how fast I'm breathing, how much I want to vomit.

"Tara, Evelyn, what the fuck is—" Alex demands, storming into the room.

"Ambulance. Police," Tara growls, interrupting. "It's nine-one-one in your country, yes?"

Alex only needs a second to do a double-take, face hardening as the bruised woman sobs silently.

"On it, ma'am."

Alex's phone is out and numbers are being pressed before I finish processing the conversation. Am I shaking? My eyes dart around the room, to the ceiling, in corners… there. That's the bug. That one is Tara. She stares back at me, the glare somehow seeming exasperated through compound eyes. That's fair. Am I really too useless to do anything other than find a bug? This is a crisis, and I'm… I… inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

Alex steps outside to handle the call. I wish I was there too, away from this. No. Focus. I have to help.

"I'll have your fucking head for this!" the man roars, struggling in Tara's grip despite his injuries. "You're going to rot in jail for life!"

Fed up, Tara lets go of the man's uninjured arm. Immediately, he goes for her throat, wrapping a huge hand around her neck and squeezing as hard as he can muster. Tara doesn't even blink, instead leaning her face even closer to his and taking a deep breath.

"You think I'm afraid of your threats, you pathetic, disgusting man? Here's a threat: one more word and you'll be swallowing shards of your own jaw."

That chills me enough to finally get my own jaw working.

"T-tara," I manage to stammer. "That's excessive."

She turns on me with a furious glower.

"Really, Evelyn?" she snaps. "That's what you manage to focus on?"

I lock up again. Tara's disdain is a stake to the heart, and the worst part is that she's not wrong to be disgusted. Look at how useless I am. She just saved a woman from abuse and I'm chastising her while that woman cries on the ground next to me. But what can I do? Treat her? I don't know how. Reassure her? There's not a single word I can say. Hug her? She's a stranger, and one traumatized by someone touching her. What an insipidly stupid idea.

I'm worthless, and I remain worthless as emergency services arrive. The EMT people quickly take over when they get here, and I only manage to snap out of my daze when one of them starts trying to treat me. Still wobbly, I wave them off with mortified embarrassment as I try to extract myself from the house, but the police arrive seconds afterwards. I comply with them, of course, and thankfully Tara does as well. It's a struggle to answer their questions coherently, however, and they kindly but firmly request that I return to the station with them.

I agree to, because of course I do. Outside, Alex holds back a furious Sasha, who is flailing and yelling at a rather annoyed female cop. Spotting Tara and I being escorted out, she swaps to yelling at us instead.

"Don't you two tell them anything!" she demands. "I called my lawyers! You have rights!"

I'm dimly aware it would almost be comical, if not for the circumstances. We're not being arrested. Technically. We still let them lead us into police cars. They try to put Tara in a different car, and succeed, but she slips into my car as well. Her new scout bodies are smaller, their camouflage better. Chillingly, I realize I'm not sure if having her watch over me is comforting or worrying. What's she even going to do if something happens to me? Break out of a police car on the road?

…Actually, she might.

It doesn't come to that, thank goodness. We're led into the police station. Sasha's promised lawyers come in short order. They tell me what to say, and I say it. I eventually leave. Tara doesn't, but I'm not surprised to find her already waiting at home regardless, wearing a different outfit.

She's sitting on my bed despite having her own, face contorted in a pained expression. She doesn't look up at me when I walk in, but then again she's probably looking at me anyway.

"Are they going to keep you at the station?" I ask softly.

"Well, I am an illegal alien," she chuckles mirthlessly. "Their words. Regardless of what they think about the break-in, they seem disinclined to let me walk out when they have no way to contact me. I'm not a citizen, I'm not otherwise in their records, I have no address or phone number…"

She trails off, waving a hand to indicate the implied 'etcetera.'

"Are you going to be okay?" I ask.

She snorts.

"Of course I will. What are they going to do, put me in jail? Oh no, one of my bodies will be fed for free and I can just make any number of others to replace it. They can't fine me because I don't own a single thing. They can't deport me because I'm stateless, and even if they give me the death penalty… I'll still be alive."

Ah. Tara is… kind of unpunishable, isn't she? There are no consequences large enough for her.

"They're not going to give you the death penalty," I assure her anyway.

"I know," she answers tiredly. "I'm just saying. There's not a single thing they can do to me. It doesn't matter what they think."

I nod slowly, carefully trying not to let my tension evolve into another full-blown panic attack.

"But you care anyway, don't you?" I whisper. "About what they think?"

She smiles sadly, nodding. I relax a bit. Of course she does. I know she does. People matter to her, it's why I trust her.

"Their opinions are mixed," she admits. "The two female officers insist I'm a hero, as well as a few of the men. Most don't. One described me as a 'terrorist,' and the rest change the subject when asked. Well, all of them change the subject if they think I'm listening, but… well, you know."

“Yeah."

I approach the bed, sitting down next to her and leaning back with my feet dangling over the edge. I'm exhausted, physically and emotionally. But Tara doesn't have anyone else she can talk to, so I listen.

"It's… a bit of an odd divide," she eventually ventures.

"There's valid points on both sides," I say, shrugging helplessly. "It's illegal to break into someone's home because they have a right to property. It's illegal to spy on people because they have a right to privacy, even if no one knows you did that. You saved someone from violent abuse by taking both of those rights away from them and their abuser."

The words feel like they come out of me so callously. Part of me says it's just exhaustion, but part of me reminds myself that I've never been the victim of anything even close to that before. Tara turns her head towards me, looking at me through her human body for the first time since I walked in. Her expression is… searching.

"I don't care about that man's rights," she says bluntly. "Not if they let him strangle someone without retaliation."

"Yeah," I agree. "You did the right thing."

We stare at each other for a while, neither of us sure what to say. In the end, Tara finds her words first, as she usually does.

"...I'm sorry," she manages, looking away once more. "You were right too. I fought violence with violence. Excessively. Once I had him pinned, there was no cause to threaten him further. Breaking his arm in the first place was…"

She sighs, shaking her head.

"Sorry," she repeats. "I never should have snapped at you. Certainly not for the truth."

A hidden tension in my body lifts, and I manage to smile.

"Thanks, Tara," I say, sitting up to give her a hug. "Apology accepted. You weren't wrong either, though. Out of everything I should have been doing there, that—"

"Hey, it's okay," Tara cuts me off, pulling me in to return the embrace. She kind of hugs like a limp fish, although considering what I saw her do a few hours ago perhaps she's just trying not to break my bones. "What happened today is way, way outside your element. Mine too, I just have a few extra brains to help deal with the shock. And yet I still did not handle that well. At all. I mean, I'm glad I did what I did, but…"

I nod. Aw, shoot. The tears are starting. Come on, not now! Naturally, they don't listen, drops forming down my face regardless of my internal protest.

"You were kind of scary," I manage to choke out.

"Yes," Tara agrees softly. "I am."

I continue crying on her shoulder for a good twenty minutes before awkwardly collapsing into bed. I wake up with my clothes on, sunlight burning an awkward red line across my cheek.

Tara is nowhere to be seen.

…

I wake up, successfully remembering to incarnate Hsthressis and grant her autonomy. I'm getting better at that, hopefully. I don't remember falling asleep, though.

"No, there it was!" Hsthressis whines. "I saw it, I understood it! Why do you keep taking it away?"

Fuck, she saw my dreams again. Okay. I really, really need to deal with that, somehow, but… ugh. How long was I even asleep, anyway? It looks like it's midday, right now. I thrash around a little and realize some of my bodies are currently in eggs. Ah, right. My Dire Bork and my additional The Little Evelyns. I crafted them in order to help my rapid exploration, but I guess I don't need them anymore. Not for that.

I currently still have one body in Healer Katrs' hut, sleeping on the floor. I glance over to where Warrior Katrk is sleeping, staring intently until I confirm the subtle rise and fall of his breathing. Thank goodness. He's still alive.

"I did it," I mutter, smiling faintly.

"You sure did something," Healer Katrs grunts, startling me. "The infection is gone. He even woke up briefly and ate a little. The man's going to make it. Your death magic works, whatever it is."

"It's not magic," I grumble. "I just figured out something more effective than popmold."

"And one of your clanmates died for it. Still… I suppose I'd rather it be one of yours than one of mine."

I snort.

"That almost sounded like a thank-you."

"Then you need to get your whiskers checked."

I sigh and slump back down, not really wanting to argue. Or move. Unfortunately, most of my bodies need to move, and one in particular is being ordered to.

"Chieftain Chlrehistra demands your presence," the guard to my cell in the True People city insists. "Come with me at once."

I nod and get up to follow, noting that Hsthressis has stopped bothering me because she's being similarly summoned. Which reminds me, I agreed to meet the Resonant Gems chieftain after resting, and passing out for who-knows-how-long definitely counts as a rest. I head that way as well.

"Evelyn!" Hsthressis shouts once the two of us get close enough to hear each other. "Evelyn, you have to help me convince mom to listen to you! She just thinks I'm going crazy!"

"You're kind of acting crazy, Hsthressis," I answer bluntly. "Maybe tone it down a little?"

"Tone it… Evelyn, you figured out how the whole world works with numbers! Sss and Khlasinas don't even exist!"

I tense up, and so does everyone else. Shit. Shit, that isn't good.

"Hsthressis!" Chlrehistra snaps, because of course we just became close enough for her to hear us. "What blasphemy are you sprouting now? Get over here!"

"Yeah, yeah," Hsthressis dismisses.

"Please don't antagonize your mother, Hsthressis," I groan.

"Don't antagonize her? She put us in jail!"

"Both of you, be quiet!" Chlrehistra orders. "We are going somewhere private for this conversation."

Hsthressis and I obligingly shut up, letting ourselves be escorted to an out-of-the-way cavern far enough from the main city to prevent accidental evesdroppers and quiet enough to detect any purposeful ones. Almost automatically, I start regulating my brain chemistry to mitigate the effects of anxiety and help myself focus. I realize this absolutely breaks the agreement I set with myself about not editing my own brain, but I've been doing it for days now and I don't really want to stop. There's not a single fucking chance I could have saved Katrk without fixing my shitty brain at least a little, so I can't say I regret it a whole ton. I should probably set another 'don't fuck with your brain more than this' rule, but what would be the point? I've pretty much proven to myself that I can't trust my own self-control unless I artificially force it to exist, and ironically I don't want to do that.

I'm startled out of my thoughts as I once again forget about the Sthrenslian habit to start speaking to people long before they're in the same room with you. The Resonant Gems chieftain calls out my name in greeting.

"Evelyn!" he greets warmly. "I hope you and your clan had a restful sleep! We noticed you all lost consciousness at the same time, so I asked some of my warriors to watch over you. I trust there were no complications?"

Watch over me? I don't recall any warriors being… oh, right, duh. 'Watch' as in ‘anywhere within sensory range.' Zero for two, Evelyn.

"No, I… we slept well," I acknowledge, trying to fight the urge to raise my voice when talking to someone so damn far away. "We were quite exhausted, so your patience is very much appreciated, Chieftain."

"Well, if you're done sleeping, it's time to talk," Chieftain Chilrehistra snaps, now that we're far enough from the True People city to speak freely. Four of her warriors accompany us, but that's all. "You keep passing out at inconvenient times while my daughter spouts nonsense. She's getting worse, not better."

"I agree," I say.

"Wh—hey!" Hsthressis snaps. "I don't agree! It's not nonsense!"

"Hush, Hsthressis," Chlrehistra orders.

I hesitate.

"Well, I don't know what she's been telling you," I say. "But there's a good chance it isn't nonsense. What I was agreeing to is the idea that our… link, I guess, is much more difficult to manage than I thought, and it's not getting better. Hsthressis, you deserve better than this."

"You're corrupting her," Chlrehistra says bluntly.

"I… I don't think that's an accurate way to describe what's happening," I protest. "I promise, I want to do right by her just like you do."

"Evelyn, I can't help but notice that you constantly speak of agreeing with me and intending to care for my daughter, yet in practice you seem to be sitting around and waiting for her to get worse."

I flinch.

"I… that's fair," I admit. "Sorry."

"It was no trouble," the Resonant Gem chieftain answers amicably. Thinking about it, I have no idea what his name is and now I'm too afraid to ask. "There is always something productive to do to pass the time when you look for it. I'm glad you're here, though. I've heard many different accounts of the commotion at Healer Katrs' home, but I'm quite interested in hearing it from the source, as it were."

"Well, there's not a whole lot to say," I sigh. "I was searching around the planet for popmold in order to heal Katrk, when Katrs said it was too late and popmold wouldn't help anymore. His disease had progressed too far. So I… had to develop a new healing technique. Which started with me biting Katrk, because I needed to ingest a sample of his disease. That freaked Katrs out, so he grabbed me and things escalated from there. I'm sorry if anyone got hurt, I just didn't really have time to explain while Katrk was dying."

"Hmm. I see. I've been told that this 'healing technique' you mentioned killed one of your own clanmates?"

"Uh… kind of," I hedge, a brief panic flashing through me as I double-check on that dead body. Gotta make sure it's not lying around, so… huh. I apparently ate it in my fugue yesterday. Kinda gross but I guess that works. Speaking of, I do a quick sweep of my awareness and activate the auto-disintegration organelle in every bacteriophage that managed to escape Warrior Katrk's body. No virus plagues today!

"We're all Evelyn," I continue vaguely. "The person inhabiting that body isn't actually dead. She will be fine, and so as long as Katrk is also fine I think that means we've gotten the best possible outcome. Apologies for frightening you."

"Your apologies are meaningless," Chlrehistra snaps. "So here's what's going to happen. You are going to fix my daughter, right here and right now. You mentioned you had a way to separate her soul from yours, did you not?"

"Woah, woah!" Hsthressis exclaims. "Don't I get a say in this? Mom, you have no idea what's been happening. I can't back out now!"

"Back out of what? Hsthressis, by Sss' warmth, do you have any idea how terrifying it is to see you just… stop? To just collapse into unresponsiveness? Do you know how terrifying it is to know it's always listening to us through your whiskers?"

"Fuck you, mom!" Hsthressis bites back suddenly. "You really want to make this about you? I'm living through that! Do you know how terrifying that is? But I'm telling you mom, we… we have to get her help. We have to. She's so… she's so much more than us! She knows everything!"

"I do not know anything close to everything," I grumble. "If I knew everything, you wouldn't be in this mess."

"It's not a mess!" Hsthressis shouts. "It's… it's… gah! Why can't I articulate this? Mom, the kinds of impossible wonders I've seen in her head… we're nothing. We're stupid nothings! We're growing food out of our own shit while she can travel to other worlds, define them with numbers, craft civilizations that span further than any Sthrenslian has ever traveled in a lifetime! Evelyn, you have to show her. Please! Make a… a gus or something!"

"A what?" I ask, blinking. "You mean a bus? Hsthressis, I have no idea how to make a bus, and even if I did you don't have any of the materials or manufacturing capability for that to be possible. You guys don't even have all the simple machines!"

"Okay then… then that!" Hsthressis insists. "Show us that!"

I sigh. Okay, why not?

"Well, you guys have wheels, ropes, and a really vertically-oriented cave structure, so I bet you could get a lot of use out of pulleys," I say, kneeling down to start drawing in the fine layer of dirt in the cave. "Pulleys are pretty simple on the surface. You use a wheel to change the direction a rope pulls. What gets wild is when you start using multiple wheels in certains setups like this and it nets you mechanical advantage. Which, uh, basically means you can lift heavier objects with proportionally less force. You just have to pull the rope further, since work is a function of force and distance. Pulley systems can get pretty complicated and wacky, but even with a few simple ones you can probably start lifting big loads straight up and down the floors of your cave with a lot less effort."

"Wait…" Hsthressis murmurs. "Are you talking like… oh. Oh! I think I get it! Those fuckin' elethator deals use them, right?"

"Elevator, yeah," I confirm. "Though I was thinking more of a cargo platform."

"What's that?"

"An elevator for things," I explain. "You shouldn't start with carrying people the first few times you build something like this, in case it goes poorly."

"Both of you, stop," Chlrehistra orders. "This is not what we are here to talk about. It's the opposite of what we're here to talk about!"

"Oh, right," I answer. "Sorry."

"Your apology is warmly accepted," the chieftain of the Resonant Gems answers kindly. "I thank you for healing Warrior Katrk. No matter what cost you paid, you did it when we have nothing to give. There can truly be no greater proof of your kindness."

There's an awkward pause.

"...Is that it?" I ask.

"Well, yes," the chieftain says. "I certainly couldn't ask any more of you."

"Wow," I sigh. "You are way nicer and easier to deal with than the other chieftain I know."

"You will separate yourself from my daughter immediately!" Chlrehistra demands. "This can't go on any longer. I won't stand for it. I will not let my daughter be pulled away from Sss through a monster's nonsense!"

"Don't call her a monster, mom," Hsthressis growls. "You have no idea what Evelyn's been through."

And I have no idea how much Hsthressis knows of what I've been through, now that I think about it.

"Besides," Hsthressis continues, "Sss is a load of bullshit anyway. I told you, mom, he doesn't even exist."

"...Renounce your words," Chlrehistra orders dangerously.

"No," Hsthressis says. "Fuck you. I have literally, for the first time, seen the light. And you won't ever know what that even means! Sss' warmth? It's called geothermal activity. The fire of Khlasinas? It's called the sun and without it life on this planet would all die. I don't remember all of it, mom, but I remember enough. I remember being her, mom, and she knows we're a bunch of useless, stupid bugs! She's just nice to us because she thinks we're cute!"

Well, that's not accurate, I'm nice because it's the right thing to be nice. Sthrenslians are super cute, though.

"You know the consequences for blasphemy, Hsthressis," Chlrehistra snaps. "Renounce your words."

"I won't. I refuse."

"Then I have no choice," Chlrehistra seethes.

"You are a friend of the Resonant Gems," their chieftain promises me, a cavern away. "You and anyone you vouch for are welcome here."

"You are hereby banished," Chlrehistra declares.

"Fine," Hsthressis snaps. "Bye forever, mom."

"You are no longer my daughter," Chlrehistra intones, and if she could cry it's clear she would be sobbing. "You haven't been since you died."

I have no words. No amount of mental doping makes me ready for that.