Hard Luck Hermit

“Hey, Corvash, good to see you’re on your feet again,” Tooley said. “How’d the vaccine treat you?”

“I genuinely wanted to die,” Corey said, not exaggerating in the slightest. He was busy shoving his face with some food, as the previous day’s “treatment” had resulted in him being unable to eat or drink, as his mouth had been alternating between constant screaming and being locked in place by agony. Even if he had managed to put any food inside his mouth, he was pretty sure his constantly churning stomach would’ve rejected it instantly. The universal vaccine’s side effects had already been bad enough without adding vomiting into the mix. While he was past the worst of it now, Corey was still aching in places he didn’t know it was possible to ache.

“It is a deeply unpleasant process,” Farsus said. “It is unfortunate that you could not receive the vaccine in your infancy, as most do.”

“You seriously give that shit to babies?”

“Yeah. They’re not smart enough to complain and they’re not coordinated enough to kill themselves,” Tooley said. “You do that to people who know how to walk and they might jump off a roof.”

“Holy shit.”

“Don’t act like you don’t get it, I heard you begging for a gun last swap.”

“I mean, yeah, but still,” Corey said.

“It is all worthwhile in the end,” Farsus said. “Immunity to all disease is very important for the roving life of a bounty hunter.”

“Yeah, you’re indestructible now,” Tooley said. “I think we should all spit in your mouth to celebrate your new immunity.”

“I will shoot you in the ass.”

“Boring.”

Corey briefly wondered what threats Tooley had received that made getting shot in the ass seem outright boring by comparison.

“Whatever you’re talking about, I’m sure Corey is right and Tooley is wrong,” Kamak said, as he stormed his way into the ship. Tooley almost fired back with a retort, but she saw that Kamak had brought a guest. Considering he’d been gone for so long to discuss their next contract, the wrinkly old alien she now saw might be their next employer. She didn’t like to be too sarcastic in front of possible paychecks. Or talk in general, for that matter. Tooley had often received the feedback that she was “unlikeable”, “difficult to tolerate”, and “anathema to anyone with any normal sense of social niceties”.

“Hey cap. Who’s the guy?”

“This is Professor Drrok,” Kamak said, gesturing to his elderly companion. “He’s the contact Ghul was talking about the other day. He’s got a job offer for us, if you’re all onboard.”

When discussing a secret contract that required discretion, Corey had been imagining the client as some kind of shady assassin type, or maybe a military commander ordering a clandestine operation. Drrok was just a tiny, pudgy man, his soft face deeply set with every possible wrinkle. His already short stature lowered even further as he hunched over a cane and squinted at the crew from behind a thick pair of glasses. All together, the alien professor looked more like an old teddy bear than a hitman.

“Yes, yes, if you’d all like to hear the details, I’d be happy to tell you,” Drrok said. “If you can keep it yourselves, of course. Nothing’s against the law, per say, but it may be inconvenient if details begin to spread.”

“I shall keep your secrets safe,” Farsus swore. Tooley and Corey just nodded along, which was apparently good enough for Drrok. He walked towards the center of the common room and held up a small device in a wrinkled hand. With the push of a button, a holographic map of an egg-shaped galaxy projected into the room, filling the air in front of their faces.

“This is the Cetaphean Galaxy,” Drrok said, gesturing to the galactic projection. “One of the relatively unexplored galaxies of the Septek Supercluster.”

Corey nodded along as if any of those names meant anything to him. He wasn’t the only one feigning intelligence this time. Even Farsus, the most well-traveled of the crew, had never heard of this particular galaxy. Drrok zoomed in on the galaxy, focusing on one star system, and one planet, in particular.

“And here, on the planet Killikiss, is located one of the universe’s largest remaining unexplored Kentath ruins,” Drrok said. “A relic of their once universe-spanning empire. By Galactic Council law, all Kentath ruins are shared research spaces, open to academic exploration from any community. The local planetary government, however, has declared the site off-limits for religious reasons. The Council doesn’t see much value in further Kentath research, at least not enough to sanction a diplomatically thorny incursion into the ruins.”

The Council had long since shifted it’s priorities from expanding their knowledge to expanding their political influence, and was willing to let scientific curiosity fall by the wayside if it meant new species would join the Council. A decision Drrok, as a historian, deeply disagreed with.

“So you want us to sneak you in and out, from the sounds of things?”

“That would be ideal, yes.”

“Sounds like a good way to get ourselves banned from a system,” Tooley said.

“Who cares, have you seen this place?” Kamak asked.

“I’m just saying, we came all this way to get out of the galactic boonies, what if we go all the way out there and something goes wrong? Are we still getting paid?”

Clandestine missions came with the risk of failure, and failure came with the risk of not getting paid. Tooley didn’t want to travel thousands of lightyears just to fuck something up and have to turn around empty-handed.

“I’ll cover costs for transit in and out of the system, no matter what happens,” Drrok assured her. “As for what I imagine concerns you more: for at least one swap of research time, you will each be paid twenty-five thousand cece’s.”

“I’m on board,” Tooley said. She’d trespassed for way less than twenty five k in the past, and had in fact done it for free for no reason other than thinking it would be funny.

“I don’t know about this, guys,” Doprel said. “Should we really be going out of our way to commit heresy?”

“There are many religions with many practices, Doprel, almost every action you take is a form of heresy to someone,” Farsus said. “There are no less than seventeen religions in which your very existence is heretical. I am interested in receiving money for my heresy, at least.”

“I’m in too,” Corey said. He enjoyed heresy, be it active or passive. “It’s just a ruin. If they think it’s important, that’s their problem.”

“Sounds like we’re almost unanimous,” Kamak said. “Sorry, Doprel. You can stay on the ship if it bugs you.”

“No, no, I get it,” Doprel said. “I’m not one-hundred percent on board, but I’m on board.”

“Alright then, looks like we’re on the case,” Kamak said. “Professor, when do you think you can be ready to go?”

“I’ll have to get my equipment in order, it might take a few cycles,” Drrok said.

“Contact us when you’re ready,” Kamak said. “Rest of you, finish up any business on the station and be ready to fly when the professor gives the word. We’re off to commit heresy.”