Growing Pains

It was another perfect day in Themyscira.

The skies were clear, the water was calm, the kangaroos were frolicking in the fields, and several women could be seen trading at some street stall dotting the city of Amazons.

It was the very picture of paradise.

“Find her, sisters! And tell that brat when I get my hands on her, she’ll be polishing the floors till her arms fall off!” An enraged shout shattered the idyllic atmosphere.

Over a dozen Amazons in full armor could be seen running through the streets, hunting down the focus of their leader’s ire. Yet despite the armed warriors prowling the city and inspecting every nook and cranny, none of the bystanders seemed nervous about the behavior.

In fact some of them seemed greatly entertained by the whole thing.

“What do you think it is this time?” One of the shop vendors asked her customer.

“None of this batch have bows with them but they still have their quivers. My guess is that some weaponry has been ‘relocated for training purposes’.”

“Idmoroe wouldn’t be so angry if that was the case.” the vendor countered. “My guess is another artwork was ‘accidentally’ destroyed after a history lesson ran too long.”

“Hmm, it has been a while since that happened, but no, if something was destroyed Idmoroe wouldn’t be threatening polishing the floors. She would be keeping the girl as far from anything fragile as possible.” The other woman mused. “Or perhaps not. I think we would all prefer if there was never another Horse/Kangaroo war. It took forever to get the hoofprints off the walls.”

Several amazons listening in on the conversation shivered at the reminder of that particular incident.

Any further speculation was put on hold as one of the armored seekers jogged up to the stand. “Excuse me, sisters, have any of you seen the Outsider recently?” She asked, either oblivious to or deliberately ignoring the several disapproving frowns that formed in the gathering crowd.

“Not recently. Why, what’s she done this time?”

The seeker looked mad enough to spit. “The Outsider convinced the Queen to put on one of those recorded plays from Man’s World, some drivel by someone named Disney, to show us how the rest of the Outsiders remember our history.” She explained. “It was the most ridiculous, inaccurate, and downright insulting bit of theater I have ever witnessed. Hardly any of the Gods were depicted accurately, the tone was all over the place, mighty trials, feats and deeds passed over as mere footnotes, and they even managed to get Herakles’s name wrong!”

She shifted awkwardly. “The music was decent however.”

“But! That wasn’t all the Outsider did! While we were distracted she broke into the Pantheon and painted the visages of the Olympians to match the play! Lord Zeus is orange. Great Hera is reddish-pink!”

Several Amazons sucked in a breath and looked nervously to the skies, half expecting to see thick thunderclouds rolling across the skies, but there was no such thing in sight. Many of them decided the King of the Gods was either not offended by what had happened, or more likely had determined the Amazons themselves would have to deal with the matter.

“I see…” The vendor said slowly as she moved to close down her stall. “Well in that case perhaps it would be best if we all lended a hand to find our troublemaker and make sure she is properly punished for what she’s done.”

-o-

There was a large crash as an Amazon kicked in a door. The assailant swiftly strode into the room, spotted the single occupant, and pointed a sword at her.

“Where is she, Melanippe?!”

“Captain Idmoroe. Was that truly necessary?” The other woman sighed.

“I believe so. You’ve been growing closer to the Outsider despite our sisters’ warnings. Obviously your judgment has been impaired.” Idmoroe sniffed.

“The girl has been here for two years, you can say her name by now.” Melanippe said, rolling her eyes. “I think it’s become very clear Califa does not care if we consider her part of our community or not.”

“We can have this debate later, we’ve already wasted enough time. Now tell me where she is hiding.”

“I think you’re misunderstanding our relationship, I’m her teacher not her minder.” Melanippe huffed.

“Our faction allowed you to teach the Outsider specifically so you would be her minder!” Idmoroe snapped. “Have you abandoned your loyalty to your sisters because of one girl?”

There was a sudden blur of motion, a clang of metal, and Idmoroe’s sword was ripped from her hand. Melanippe’s own blade rested lightly on the guard captain’s cuirass.

“Mind your tongue, captain.” Melanippe whispered dangerously. “It’s true I had similar feelings about the outside world as you and your circle, but it was the Queen that gave me my orders. Not any of you.”

“T-that may be, but we still need to find the Outsider.” Idmoroe stuttered. “She’s gone too far this time and has defaced the Main Temple. We cannot allow her to escape punishment.”

The combat instructor was stunned into silence. While Melanippe was no longer willing to alienate Califa simply because of her background or because of internal politics, that in no way translated into allowing the young Saiyan to have free reign on the island.

“Well that is important enough to go find her.” Melanippe eventually said, moving about the room and gathering up her armor. “You said that no one knows where she is?”

“No one.” The Guard Captain confirmed. “Not since before the incident.”

“Gods damn it all, that means she has something else planned.” Melanippe cursed. “Califa has never hidden away from one of her stunts, she must be using the chaos of the guards searching for her as a distraction for something.”

-o-

It wasn’t long before most of the island heard about what Califa had done and either joined in the hunt for the Saiyan or went on alert for the next act of chaos the girl had planned.

But as the day went on and there was no sign of the girl or what she had planned many of the Amazons were beginning to grow paranoid.

Subtle was not a word that could often be associated with the tailed menace, so when they didn’t find her cackling in an open field daring the guards to fight her like she had when she had stolen Hippolyta’s crown, most of the island realized whatever she had planned was going to be big.

Horse/kangaroo War big.

And at the thought of that, efforts to find the Saiyan and stop her redoubled. Themyscira moved almost to war footing in an attempt to find and stop whatever was going to happen, but no one could find any sign of her.

Hunting parties formed and started scouring the forests and countryside, guards started poking through vaults and storage rooms that had been undisturbed for years, and several Amazons debated interrupting the Queen’s personal time with her daughter to ask Diana to assist them in the search.

Because while they found evidence that several malicious artifacts had been moved or started influencing their surroundings, a small cabal of Amazons conspiring with a coven of witches to engineer a plague targeting only men, and even a demonic summoning circle hidden in some of the more secluded areas of the island, there still was no sign of the Saiyan.

-o-

Eventually a group of guards conceded defeat and decided that admitting they were not good enough to track down a teenager was more important than letting whatever scheme she was in the middle of take them by surprise.

Lots were drawn and not long after one of them was chosen as the sacrificial goat, and left waiting for her queen in a secure room.

Unfortunately for the poor guard, she was left on her own for several minutes stewing in her own thoughts while the Queen finished whatever she was just doing.

“Hello Seda, I’ve managed to clear some time for this.” Queen Hippolyta greeted the guard. “What emergency are we dealing with?”

“It’s the girl, Califa, your Majesty.” Seda replied. “I don’t suppose you’ve heard about her latest stunt?”

“The ‘movie’ she wanted to show everyone?” Hippolyta asked. “Yes, I approved it even though I’m sure some of our stauncher traditionalists are foaming at the decision.”

Seda winced. “I’m sure they are not pleased, but compared to what she did afterward I don’t think many will mention it.”

“What she did afterward?”

Seda described what Califa had done to the statues of their gods and the ongoing hunt for the Saiyan teen. She also brought up Melanippe’s theory that that was just a distraction for some other disaster and the guard’s inability to find her anywhere.

“...so that’s why I found her outside the Temple.” Hippolyta sighed and rubbed her brow. “ I suppose it was too much to hope for that she was actually behaving for once. I’d hoped Diana’s presence would influence her some more but it seems she is still acting like a child.”

Seda very carefully did not mention that the queen seemed abnormally tolerant of Califa and that her behavior towards the girl had caused rumors that ‘Wonder Mom’ was looking for a second child. Instead she tried to move the conversation back to safer topics. “None of the priestesses have reported anything amiss, but if what she did angered the gods…”

Hippolyta huffed. “Considering I caught Califa with who I am now certain was Lord Hermes I doubt the gods will be angry. I assume the Temple’s caretakers are already removing what she’s done? Oh, when I get my hands on that girl…”

“You know where she is?!” Seda exclaimed, interrupting the queen’s building tirade.

“I just said farewell to both her and my daughter not ten minutes ago. Both of them are heading back to the outside world for some time.” The Queen confirmed. “Which makes the letter Califa left behind suddenly feel much more foreboding.”

“A letter?”

“Yes, for her combat instructor apparently since she did not tell her she was leaving the island. Normally I’d call Melanippe here but if Califa really does have something brewing…” She trailed off as she unfolded the paper.

‘Hey Mel,

I’m catching a ride back to the States with Wonder Woman. Planning on dropping in on the Sidekick Squad for a bit so I won’t be around for lessons. Sorry for not giving you a headsup but it was kinda last minute.

P.S. Enjoy the surprise I left you. I was told both of them go really well together.’

Both Queen and Royal Guard sighed at the confirmation that there was a surprise waiting for them. One that apparently didn’t need Califa there in person to set off.

And with the culprit having already made her escape, they had no clues to go on.

They just had to hope they stumbled across whatever surprise she had left behind before it was too late.

-o-

I idly hummed a song from the Hercules movie soundtrack as the Javelin left Themyscira behind us. I had forgotten how catchy some of those were.

“You seem like you’re in a good mood.” Wonder Woman commented from where she was piloting the ship. “Eager to meet up with the others?”

“A little bit.” I shrugged. It had been a while since the last time I visited the Sidekicks but honestly I was more excited to put all my time training to the test. I had improved a lot over the past two years, I couldn’t wait to see where I stood now.

I was so excited in fact that I had decided to only pull a minor prank on the Amazons before I left. Painting the gods to match the color scheme they had in the movie would annoy a few of them for sure but they could clean it up pretty quickly.

I just hoped that Mel enjoyed the two fish I had left in her kitchen before I left. Apparently they tasted really good but were hard to find.

I’d have to snag a couple for myself the next time I visited to see if they were really that good.