Growing Pains

“-have a cold front moving in from the North, so expect temperatures to fall into the high fifties, low sixties for the next few days. That’s it for the weather, now back to you – hey, what are you doing here?” the weatherman exclaimed as he spotted me walking onto the set.

In fact multiple people were surprised to see me walking in. I always thought news stations had different rooms for things like weather and all that. Turns out they are just off to the side. Huh, neat.

I gave myself a mental shove. I needed to focus, this was a crucial step in the plan for my continued training.

“Hi there, is this the newsroom? I need to send a message into the city.” I said cheerfully. Out of the corner of my eye I could see whispered conversations happening among the crew. Apparently a few people knew me on sight now, but plenty of others had no clue who I was.

That would probably change after today.

“You can’t be in here, we’re in the middle of a broadcast.” One of the crew said in a hissed whisper, moving towards me and trying to shove me out of the room even as others tried to stop him.

“So this is the right place? Good.”

Some people screamed when the light yellow Ki ball struck the man in the chest, knocking him over. I mean, in their defense, they had no idea I had basically just pushed him over from a distance. But still…loud.

“Oh relax, he’s fine. Now then which one of these is on…?”

I looked around until I spotted a camera with a red dot on it and realized the crew hadn’t stopped filming since I showed up, so it was still on the weatherman. With a little push, I kicked off the ground and floated around him.

“Hey, do you mind stepping away for a sec? I need to say something.” The man was backpedaling away before I even finished my sentence. “Thank you!”

I turned to the camera and smiled widely. “Hello future subjects of the Saiyan race, as many of you know I’m Califa and I’ve been tasked with taking over your planet! I was doing a good job too until I, uh, kindasortalosttoSuperman, but I’ve been training!” I skipped over the unimportant stuff. “Now I’m ready for a rematch, but since your buildings are super fragile I’m moving the fight outside the city so we can go all out from the beginning!

So, Superman! I will face you 50 miles south of the city tomorrow at noon! If you fail to show up then I will take that as your forfeit!”

“Ah, um, excuse me. Ms Califa?” A young man nervously called out from behind one of the cameras. “What happens if he doesn’t show, or just see your message?”

I blinked. “Wait, you can’t just keep repeating what I said to make sure he sees?”

“Uh, well, this is live so…no?”

“...oh.”

That wasn’t part of my plan. If Superman didn’t even know we were supposed to fight, how could I test how much stronger I was? I mean sure I could attack the city again but that would mean getting spanked again holding back too much and not giving it my best. I couldn’t decide what to train next if the fight ended before we got going.

Maybe I could come back every hour to make a new announcement? No, that wouldn’t work. The whole point of going on the news was to give me some free time to make sure nothing got in the way. The last thing I needed was a random hiker wandering into the area to ruin the whole fight.

“Um, can you just make a recording and play that later?”

The young man looked around but everyone else seemed to have lost their voice.

“None of you have a way to get a hold of him? Something like what that Bat-guy does in Gotham?”

“Not unless you count kidnapping his girlfriend…” Someone muttered in the back.

“What was that?”

“Ah, nothing! Just saying it would be best to ask one of his friends?”

Would that work? There was currently no Justice League, so no help there. And even if the other heroes took the message then I would end up fighting them which ruined the whole plan to fight Superman anyway.

No, that was too unreliable.

“Um, I guess I’ll just show up before the fight is supposed to start? You guys can still repeat the message right? Even without me being recorded?”

“So you aren’t going to hold us hostage or attack the studio if Superman doesn’t show?” Another person called out despite another coworker jabbing him repeatedly in the ribs.

“Uh, no? Why would I do tha-”

“Or go on a rampage through the city?”

“I mean maybe I’ll shoot off a couple blasts just to get his attention-”

“And destroy a few skyscrapers!”

“What!? No!” I just wanted a fight not to level a city. “The whole point of me moving the fight out of the way is so that we DON’T ruin the place.”

“What about-” At this point his coworker put his hand over the guy’s mouth and physically restrained him.

This…was not how I expected this to go.

“I’m just gonna go…”

-o-

The newsroom staff watched nervously as the alien child floated out of the studio.

As soon as she was out of sight, the man who had been restraining his coworker released him and slapped him upside the head.

“Are you trying to get us all killed, you moron?!”

“Hey, I just found out three very important things. Thank you very much! And you know the Execs wanted more about the girl if we could get it.”

“Yes! From the reporters and investigators! Not from the video crew!” The man looked ready to beat some sense into his companion before he sighed. “Whatever, what did you learn that was so important?”

“Well, one, she really is just a kid. My nieces get flustered and run off the exact same way when they are mid plan and discover an obstacle they didn’t think about and I suggest a bunch of things they don’t want to do in a row.

Two, she isn’t going to use hostages or anything like that. She didn’t even give that idea another thought. Maybe a cultural thing? I’m sure some anthropologist would love that data point.

And three, she doesn’t want to destroy the city. Even said so herself!”

“So let me get this straight. You risked all of our lives because the would-be alien conqueror acted like your kid nieces? What if she just blasted you with one of those laser balls or whatever they are?”

“I’d be fine. She did it to Dave and all he got was a little dirty from rolling on the floor.”

Everyone in the room was now looking at their coworker with various levels of stunned disbelief or anger. Especially the ones who had seen the same yellow energy orbs melt metal in seconds and hit Superman hard enough to send him flying out of the city.

“...you’re an idiot.”

-o-

Clark Kent sighed as he watched a recording of Califa’s challenge to Superman for the third time. The girl’s announcement had gone viral on practically every video hosting site and social media platform around in minutes.

At this point it would be harder to find someone in the city who hadn’t seen it than those who had.

Oddly, part of him was relieved Califa hadn’t deviated from her mission of taking over the planet by defeating it’s champions. He had been worried when it was reported she had robbed a bank that it would be the beginning of another rampage by a superpowered alien. That worry lessened when reports of her buying groceries of all things a few hours later, but it did confuse the hell out of him.

The rest was just resigned to the massive headaches this event would cause in the future. Anti-alien factions were starting to form due the rising number of verified extraterrestrial visitors on Earth, and an alien hijacking a news broadcast to declare hostile intentions and call him out in particular was going to be twisted by someone he was sure. Irregardless that this was the action of a child.

A child that was smart enough to research things on the local internet despite being from another planet on a mission of subjugation, but a child nonetheless.

He hoped he could settle this before some hothead decided the military needed to be involved and more people got hurt.

Even if it ruined his lunch plans.