God of Eyes

There were a lot of urgent things that came with the rising of the sun, but the one that had me most urgently concerned came with breakfast.

"I was told to ask you," said Miana as she delivered the meal, "if you know anything about medicine. The High Priestess is sick, and her guards are worried."

I ended up staring at Miana for entirely too long, but had to shake my head. "I... don't know. I..." I wanted to say something about Ciel'ostra and the odd things that had been happening, but what did I know? "What about Pal'lud?"

"I was not told. She often sleeps the days away, but I will ask." She looked at me, carefully, for a moment. "You believe that something is happening."

"Something is happening," I said easily. If anything, getting that off my chest felt better. "But I don't know what, and I am not sure I can do anything to help."

She appraised me for a moment, but closed the door on me without saying more.

I didn't get a chance to dwell on that immediately, because Raine was soon up and moving around, although she was quiet and respectful. She simply stared out the small window at the distance, and although I wanted to just leave it at that, some small motion of mine attracted her attention. She immediately turned and fell to one knee, bowing her head before me. "My lord."

I laughed, just a bit. I couldn't help it; it felt so strange to be treated with respect under the circumstances, even if I was a god. "How are you feeling?" I didn't want to say something stupid like 'don't treat me special', but it was going to get old pretty quickly. Or... did I just need to get used to being treated like a god? Even by the people closest to me?

"Rest... helped. I am starving, though." She placed her hands on her stomach, to emphasize that point.

Of course I hadn't remembered to get more food for her. Idiot.

"I'm afraid I'm a little limited in my options right now," I said, feeling exceedingly ashamed. "This area is, I believe, fairly safe as far as hunting is concerned, but I have not worried about it in quite some time. I don't eat, you see."

"Of course, my lord." Raine had a bit of a flush to her face, as though she was embarrassed. "If I may, then, I'll go and fend for myself...?"

"Of course, of course. All I'll ask is try not to draw any attention from the road," and I gestured out over the cliff. "I think the only thing that would do that is a large fire on the cliff face, though."

Raine nodded, and collected her boots, and was out the door fairly quickly. She had, fortunately, a sword with her when I pulled her through, but no bow; I hoped she was more resourceful than I'd been, but then, I was really out of sorts when I'd arrived here...

It really wasn't that long ago, was it? Weeks at most. And here I was in a giant mess, with no end in sight, and only shattered fragments of a religion that I could barely keep together...

In the Temple of Blades, my door opened again, and it was Chibal. "Pal'lud is not well. How did you know of this?"

I was sitting on the meditation circle and had not yet touched my food. I gave it a mournful glance, but focused on Chibal. "They are both closely connected to the goddess. I fear she is... under attack."

Chibal raised her chin at me. "Impossible. The only one who could possibly strike at her in her own temple is... you." She seemed to consider that thought, and one hand started to move towards the blades at her waist.

I raised my hands, a look of shock on my face. "I didn't! I wouldn't. The Lady has been good to me. The God of Eyes, as well, considers her a friend. We are not involved in this, I swear to you."

Chibal eyed me, but let her posture ease a little. "I trust you will not feel offended if we leave you locked in here for now."

My face fell. I really wanted to do something to help Raine, but... "Of course. Although--"

Chibal closed the door and threw the bolt on the other side without letting me finish.

The food was not much, but I split it about in half in case Raine was not successful in her hunt. I felt that Raine was using my powers, if sparingly, so I didn't fear that she would be ambushed, nor that the thorngoats that she was likely to settle for eating would be any real problem. Though, she could also just as easily fish, or find forage in the forests...

By midday, I had no interesting news as far as the Temple of Blades was concerned. For lack of a better option, I spent most of that time trying to absorb more Sky Essence, and trying to connect with it as Ulia had instructed. It was very slow, but I could tell that after resting, the work I did yesterday had a small amount of impact. Honestly, if I had the flame to spend on it, I would likely have been tempted to cheat and force my body to be more adept at handling magic. Alas, I continued to be very poor.

I discovered, as I nervously switched back and forth between bodies, that I didn't really need to be present for that, and so I spent the morning also looking out from my window as the Avatar, and even absorbing a little Sky Essence as that body. Doing so meant going outside, though; the Avatar could absorb a lot of essence at once, enough to make the indoors very stale and uncomfortable. I'd discovered that before, but now that I was restless, I discovered it again very quickly.

Even with the Avatar's magic-built body, though, I didn't exactly gain an enormous supply of magic just from breathing for a couple hours. It was enough, probably, for me to do some modest wind magic if I set my mind to it, but... I didn't have a great deal of use for that at the moment. Still, it seemed appropriate that I do something, so I did.

Raine found me meditating a little ways back from the edge when she returned with two dead rabbits and an armful of root vegetables. "If you are trying to avoid notice, you might not want to pull at the fabric of magic quite so much," she advised as she set her haul down by the river. "I could feel it from a ways away."

I managed to bite back my first instinct of apologizing, and instead gave a belabored sigh. "I'm nervous," I admitted. "Something is happening with the Goddess of Blades, and I can do little to help."

"The Necromancer." Raine looked at me. "You think perhaps he was after Murn all along?"

Not in those exact terms, but... "He certainly wouldn't be after you, not on your first campaign. Perhaps if you were a veteran with years of victories under your belt, but..."

"No... of course." Raine examined her goods. "I will get that pot and cook a stew. It will take a little bit, but... you can have some if you really want. I know you said you don't eat, but I don't know..."

"Your offer is kind, and I would gladly share your meal, if any is left." I offered her a warm smile. "I do enjoy such things, but... lately I have been in hiding. I have had to make do without them." I leaned back and looked up at the sky, as though reflecting on my past, although it was partly just an act. I have... had to make do with very little, since then."

Raine clearly wanted to say more, biting her lip impatiently, but instead rushed back inside to grab the pot. I admired her ability to make it up the cliff with it, and watched as she rinsed it out, and fetched wood for a fire. Predictably, in a world of magic, once she had a stock of wood, the actual ignition was trivial for her, although she still had to fuss to make sure that the wood caught and wasn't going to blow out.

As a person who had only occasionally gone camping, I was happy to note that there was no need for rubbing sticks or even flint and steel, huffing and puffing on tiny shavings of wood. There was no fussing with a gas lighter or a match that might blow out, either; simply, in the middle of the pile, there was a flare, and she continued to focus on it until it grew. Then, she moved the sticks until the fire was more substantial.

She had also, apparently, fetched that flat slab I'd used to cover the pot, because she pulled it out of her waistband and used it to chop vegetables and cut up the rabbits with her sword, something that was not remotely on my mind when I'd made it. I couldn't help smiling; it felt good to have even small things I did appreciated like that.

"So why... if I may ask, I mean... why are you in hiding? What are you running from?"

That brought my mood down. What did I say? Did I lie? "Embarrassing as it is to say, my lady, I am... not strong. In truth, I..." I sighed. Well, under the circumstances, I felt like I owed her an explanation, at least. "I am... suffice it to say, I am new at being a god."

She paused in what she was doing to look at me. I thought I could tell that she was really processing that thought for a moment. "So the reason Ryan was at the Temple of Alanna, and then the Temple of Blades..."

"I was searching for assistance, for the knowledge I need to do my job properly." The breeze picked up a bit, and I enjoyed the sense of it on my skin, and inhaled some more sky essence just to try to keep that whole thing going... but, not as much as I had been. I didn't really think people walking by on the road were going to notice me, but... the lower the chances of that, the better.

"So this will be your first temple, then. When it's done, which it isn't."

I laughed. "You see me at my weakest, lady, it is true. I have little doubt that my future is brighter, but for now, it is... distressing, to say the least. Ryan is not, unfortunately, an ideal candidate to lead a church..." I offered a smile. "I don't intend to insist that you do so, either, if it's not something you're comfortable with."

"The way things sound, you don't exactly have options." Raine seemed satisfied with her impromptu stew and set it over the fire, then turned to look at the horizon. "But... why have your temple away from a town? Don't gods need followers? This seems like... a bad idea."

"Perhaps." I stood and moved to the cliff, feeling an insistent breeze that smelled a little bit of distant forests and rain. And I stood there for a moment and looked, recognizing again that this place, whatever else happened, was not going to attract attention. I turned to look at her, my face apologetic. "However, lady, this place is where my heart lies. In long views and horizons, in winds and waterfalls, in streams and trees, in starlit nights and stormy skies. If I had no followers at all, if I stumbled and fell from godhood to become a mere mortal, I could live my life in a place like this in perfect contentment. While certainly I would not be unhappy to find a city and be worshiped there, I find that I do not look to such places for hope, nor for... shall I say, perspective. From here, I feel that I can see the whole world, and with from that perspective, from that place of love and joy, from there I seek to help the people of this world." I chuckled dryly. "Such a place, however... inconvenient it may be, is necessary for me."

Raine was giving me a look that I didn't quite understand, and after a moment of belated recognition she stirred her stew a bit. For a while, she didn't speak or meet my gaze, so I went back to looking at the horizon, and thinking.

In truth, I had taken this place and my Avatar for granted. As much as I did love this place, and need it, I hadn't been coming here often enough. I would, I resolved, every day. I needed the smell of wet leaves, the roar of the water, the feel of wind on my skin. It settled me, helped me to think more clearly.

On the topic of thinking clearly, I was doing nothing about the possibility that Ciel'ostra was being attacked by a Necromancer. I sent a brief note to Alanna about it, but I knew she couldn't help, either. The Goddess of Blades was the most powerful goddess I knew, unless Xenma was stronger... except, of course, for the Council, but her own book suggested they would never help her. I had no soulflame and no expertise in using it, no allies and no useful information.

If anything... if Ciel'ostra lost the battle, I would need to run. She would recover, or else pass on the religion to her replacement, but I had little doubt she would do a fine job of training that person. Alanna would either hide or flee; I had no idea how much presence she had outside the country or continent, although Xenma had told me she did have some. For me... unless I wanted to tag along with Alanna, I would just be starting over--

"I thought I was ready," said Raine behind me, interrupting my thoughts.

She was sitting with her knees pulled in to her chin, watching the stew cook, and I could see tears in her eyes. She was, clearly, a world away, remembering the events of the past few days... or more than that, I suppose. So I left the cliff and my thoughts behind and came to sit next to her.

For a long moment, though, she didn't say more, so I moved closer, put my hand around her shoulders, and held her like a daughter, and more tears came to her.

"I thought... I thought I was done... being a kid. That I was finally..." she couldn't do much more after that than bury her face in my shoulder and cry, and I held her, wishing I could do more, wishing that I had done more before. I had let things be, and... "...dead," Raine mumbled through her tears and sobs. "Tried to warn them, but they..."

So I kept an eye on her stew and stirred it occasionally as she let out the feelings she'd been holding back. She... honestly didn't let herself grieve for long enough, and was back to forcing herself to be strong. I could tell that she really resented losing control to her feelings, and after only a couple minutes she wrestled them under control. After that, she checked the stew until she deemed it done, then ate about half, insisting that I take the rest.

It was good. I can't say that it was wonderful cooking, but it mattered that she had made it, and given it freely. For a moment I wondered if there was some soulflame aspect to it, a sense of worship bundled into the meal, but a moment after having that thought, I felt ashamed. These were normal human things--the same meal cooked for yourself, or by a friend, family, loved one... or a professional chef, these things were always different. Trying to fit everything into my own personal experience with godhood seemed to cheapen it, somehow.

While I was waiting, I heard a rustling in the bushes and found something looking at me that reminded me of a ferret. I wondered, briefly, if I as a god could simply communicate with such an animal, and I gestured for it to come over, but it didn't seem to understand. I tried everything short of spending flame on it, but simply didn't seem to have the knack. Still, it didn't immediately run away.

I let my mind roam for a little bit, wondering if I could have some kind of animal sentries or guards for the temple--probably birds, I reasoned--but when Raine came back with ingredients for another pot of stew, I let the thought pass. Probably, in the grand scheme of things, that would be a good idea, but it wasn't for now.

So much was waiting on me actually becoming a "real" god. But for now, Ryan was locked up waiting to see what happened with the Goddess of Blades, and I had no temple, no people. Well... not many.

I looked inside, trying to find the people in the army who had prayed to me, but a lot of them were dead now. Not quite all of them, but... there were suddenly very few people milling around in my Little God's Room, and many of the ones who were left were hurt or dying. That suggested Murn was--or had--lost the fight. And, of course, I hadn't even known... either they didn't pray to me when it counted, or I just wasn't attentive enough, or... something else had happened.

Was that what was making Pal'lud and the High Priestess sick? I had no idea how painful it was to lose one of my bodies. It might be like having a finger chopped off--painful and tragic but ultimately not stopping you from doing other things--or it might be a more serious, even devastating injury.

"You look worried, my lord," offered Raine.

I considered keeping quiet, but only for a moment. "The army is losing," I said. "The necromancer... is, of course, working with the enemy army."

"Yes, that... that thought scared me," admitted Raine. "My lord--too many things are happening at once. The Rakshasa attack that Ryan was involved in; that can't be a coincidence, can it?"

I considered Raine. Pal'lud had suggested that the Rakshasa passed their knowledge on to Necromancers, sometimes--or perhaps that the Rakshasa were the first, the origin, of the necromantic arts--but she was also pretty clear that Rakshasa on their own were stupid, not passing things down between generations. The possibility, though, that human necromancers could be the brains of the operation... it was a very real possibility.

Was the enemy that desperate to win this war? If they were already making a Faustian bargain with a necromancer, the idea that they would invite creatures out of the underworld was not too much of a stretch, but why?

In the end, Raine and I talked for the next few hours, after which she went out to scavenge whatever she could to make the interior more comfortable. As morning turned to afternoon, I was getting more and more worried about Ciel'ostra, but when Chibal finally deigned to drop off an evening meal, she offered only this short update.

"The high priestess reported that she doesn't want to be disturbed. Apparently she is unwell, but... it will be handled." She looked at me. "Still, I find you suspicious. Many of us do."

"I understand," I said, looking at the dinner--once again a thick warm gruel, rather than anything I would consider good food. "I would like to get out to do some shopping--"

"Tomorrow," insisted Chibal. "Ryan of Eyes, I understand, but we have agreed that you should not. I and many of those who have met you understand that you are no threat, but many people here do not agree. For now, rest quietly. Tomorrow I will bring you to breakfast and you may show the people you are no threat."

She hesitated, and turned her eyes to avoid looking at me. "There have been... fights. There is fear. Many consider the high priestess to be divine, herself. Some want to have you beaten just for being here when she is sick. They say that a man should never have been allowed in this place, that you are unclean." She glanced at me. "When Bia'nella returns, she will sweep away that fear with a word. But for now, it is best that you stay here."

I wanted to argue, but the thing that struck me as Chibal's eyes fell on me was that she was powerless, and I felt a shock go through me with that thought. Not just that she was, or that I was, but that the whole Temple of Blades was afraid--on the edge of something that they did not understand, something they were powerless to fix.

Most likely, I thought, tomorrow the High Priestess would announce Murn's death, make her selection... and Ciel'ostra would pass her power down. Or perhaps, she would actually make one of the candidates a new Vicar, and save her death for after this war--that made more sense, strategically. I tried to calm myself with that thought. Tomorrow, things would be clearer.

"If you wouldn't mind," I said after a moment, "can I have another blanket or two? And paper and something to write with." Not that I needed the paper, I reflected, but asking for a marker without paper would be strange.

Chibal studied me for only a moment before nodding and moving off.

Tomorrow, things would make sense. That left tonight... and the meeting.