Emmy And Me

Driving up to San Francisco for the Downfall’s big show, Emmy insisted we listen in to the interview the boys were giving on the local alternative station. Tuning it in, we realized we’d already missed the start.

“I have to ask you guys about the song ‘Killer In The Dark,’ the deejay said. “First off, that scream or whatever it is at the start of the song. Where did you guys get that sound? I mean, it’s like nothing I’ve ever heard before. I gotta say it makes my hair stand on end every time I hear that intro.”

“That’s all Emmy,” Jackson answered, laughing. “The first time she did that in the recording studio I just about wet myself.”

“No lie there,” added Lee. “I had nightmares that night. It still gives me chills when she does it.”

“So you mean Emmy Lascaux, who couldn’t be here in the studio with us today, actually does that, uh, nightmarish shriek? I guess I’d thought it must have been some sort of, I don’t know, something like a panther or something. It just doesn’t sound human at all,” the deejay wondered.

“Nope. It was Emmy,” answered Lee. “Mike DeCarlo, our sound engineer, had a really hard time recording it, too. When Emmy first belted it out I thought he was going to have a heart attack. The thing is, and this doesn’t come out in the recording, when Emmy screams like that it’s really loud. She had to do it over and over again until he finally got the levels right.”

“Yeah,” Jackson added. “After Mike finally got the scream recorded he had to take a break, he was so shaken up. I mean, can you imagine hearing that sound with the volume turned way up, pounding into your head by way of sound isolating headphones?”

“Well, actually, I can,” the DJ replied. “That’s pretty much what happened the first time I heard it, too. I was expecting something like ‘See The Light Of Day’ when I previewed the new CD, so I was in my booth with the headphones on and the volume turned up.”

“So you got it cold?” laughed Jackson. “No warning?”

“None. I was the first one here to get my hands on the CD,” the deejay admitted.

“So what happened when it first hit you?” asked Lee. “What did you think?”

“Honestly? If you want to know the truth, I bolted for the door. Just about had my head pulled off by the headphones, too,” confessed the deejay. “It was just so primal, so terrifying at some sort of basic level that I just couldn’t help myself. Seriously, I’ve never heard anything like it. When I brought our music director in to hear it I warned him in advance that the track was extremely disturbing but absolutely incredible. We listened to it over and over, maybe ten, a dozen times. It was his decision to put it in heavy rotation, but not at drive times. He also insisted on the warning we always play right before the song.”

“Yeah, I heard that warning,” laughed Jackson. “It’s funny to think that a rock song could need a warning before it gets played on the radio.”

“You wouldn’t believe the number of calls we get about ‘Killer In The Dark,” the deejay said. “We get calls asking about it, calls asking us to play it, and calls demanding we burn the CD and never play it again.”

“Well, I guess that means we did our job. We wanted ‘Dark Times For The Downfall’ to express raw, unfiltered emotion, after all,” Jackson said. “This was the first album where Emmy wrote most of the songs, and she really put it out there. Starting the album off with ‘Killer’ was a gamble, and I have to admit I was against it. I was afraid that it would immediately turn off all our fans who were hoping for another ‘Light Of Day’, with its lighter, sweeter sound.”

“It’s a big change, all right. I mean, the basic elements are the same. There’s still just the three of us, but this album holds nothing back, lyrically or musically,” Lee added. “When Emmy brought these songs to Jackson and me, I honestly had no idea how to deal with them. You know, Emmy’s an incredible guitar player. I mean, absolutely mind-blowing. When she played the guitar line from ‘Killer’ for Jackson and me I was completely stunned. She just shredded it, I mean, she killed it. We were speechless. It took us quite a while to figure out what we needed to do to fill it out. All the songs went the same. She’d play her lines for us, and then the three of us would spend the rest of the time fleshing it out.”

“I can’t begin to express how incredible it is to work with Emmy,” Jackson chimed in. “She knows what she wants and she works harder than anybody I’ve ever seen to get it just right.”

“It’s too bad she couldn’t be here today. There are a lot of questions I’d like to ask her,” the deejay lamented. “But thanks to you two for coming in. This has been two thirds of The Downfall, here in studio. Thanks a lot to Lee Park and Jackson Coolidge.”

“Thanks for having us, it was really great,” Jackson replied.

“What song would you like me to play off your new CD?” asked the deejay.

“Play ‘I Will Die (For You)’,” requested Lee. “That’s my favorite.”

“I’m glad you mentioned that song,” said the deejay. “It isn’t on our playlist yet so this is a sneak preview for our audience, but I’ve listened to it quite a bit and I have to ask- it’s a beautiful song, but is it about suicide?”

“No, that’s not how I see it,” said Jackson. “I think it’s about expectations of mortality, and complete and total love. The key lines, to me, are when Emmy sings

I’ve lived my life for you, now I give you my last gift

The last breath of my lungs, the final beat of my heart”

“She’s basically saying that she gives it all, without reservation, to the one she loves,” added Lee.

“Well, let’s give it a listen, here on KLXB, the Bay Area’s home for the newest alternative music. Thanks to Lee Park and Jackson Coolidge, two thirds of The Downfall, playing tonight at San Francisco’s own Red Lantern.”

I’d heard that the tickets for The Downfall’s platinum record party were in very high demand, and judging by the crowd waiting to get in to see the show I'd guess a lot of people were hoping to score from scalpers. The show had been billed as 'An intimate evening of old favorites with The Downfall'. Emmy had told me that it was going to be a bit different, and to expect the unexpected. She'd taken me shopping for clothes to wear to the show, and for herself she bought a long white cocktail dress and matching heels. She wanted me to wear something similar, but I just couldn't see myself in anything like that so I bought a black velvet smoking jacket and tuxedo pants. Emmy tried to get me to buy a pair of black pumps, but I told her I was tall enough already so flats were just fine, thank you. Eventually I settled on a pair of men’s black dress shoes that really seemed right with the outfit. Sure, it was a bit butch, but what the heck.

The show was held at a nightclub in the middle of San Francisco and parking was a bear. I finally found a spot a couple of blocks away down a side street, grateful that Lee and Jackson had brought up all the equipment earlier in the day. Emmy and I were early so the band could do their sound check, but even two hours before the doors opened there were a lot of people waiting in line.

When we walked up everybody recognized Emmy and crowded around. It made me nervous, but she took it with good grace. “I will be available to talk after the show,” she announced. “I am sorry, but right now I need to go inside to get ready.”

The inside of the club was pretty cool. I’d only ever been to two real nightclubs before so I had no way to judge, but this place seemed really nice. The walls were covered with dark red drapes with red lanterns giving off a muted light. The performance area was two stories tall, a large wrap-around balcony making up the seating area on the second floor. A couple of tables upstairs were designated for the 'special invitees', which included friends and relatives of the band as well as some DJs from local stations that supported The Downfall and a few others that I guessed were industry types.

The setup on stage wasn't what I expected at all. There was no drum kit, just a black concert grand piano and a standup bass, plus an old-school type of big metal microphone on a stand for Emmy.

After leaving Emmy in the dressing room with Jackson and Lee I headed up to the V.I.P. table reserved for me. I was soon joined by a middle-aged guy and his date, who looked way too young for him. I don't think I spoke five words to her the entire night, but the guy wanted to talk. It turned out he was a music writer for Rolling Stone magazine, and once he found out I was Emmy's significant other he peppered me with questions all night long. A lot of them were the usual “Where is Emmy from?” And “She sure is unusual looking...” Eventually I told him I wasn't going to answer any personal questions about Emmy, and he could ask her himself after the show.

“I'll make sure she has time to talk,” I assured him. That seemed to satisfy him to a degree, but he still continued to ask questions. If it wasn't a personal question I did my best to answer, but I think he realized I was getting annoyed and shut up after a while.

The house was packed by the time Lee walked on stage in a tight spotlight. He was dressed in a tuxedo, looking mighty good. He bowed to the audience, then sat at the piano. The audience hushed, and he started playing. The tune was familiar, but I didn't recognize it right away. Lee was really good, which surprised me since I thought he only played the drums.

A second spotlight suddenly lit up Jackson with his standup bass, and he joined in. The two played for a couple of minutes, then a third tight spotlight lit up Emmy at the microphone. She looked amazing in her long sheath dress and long white fingerless gloves, you know the kind that is really like a sleeve that hooks to the middle finger?

“Ladies and gentlemen, we are The Downfall,” she announced, her voice as pretty as I've ever heard it. “On the piano tonight, but better known for his skill with the sticks, is the amazing Lee Park.” Lee played a little flourish and nodded his head at the audience.

“On the bass is the stunningly good looking Jackson Coolidge,” Emmy said. Jackson gave an exaggerated wink, getting a laugh from the crowd.

“And my name is Emerald De Lascaux.”

At this some chick yelled out “We love you, Emmy!”

Emmy smiled, and replied “Thank you. We love all of you, too. Tonight we will play a few of our songs, but mostly we will play old familiar classics. We,” and she waved to indicate Lee, Jackson and herself, “wanted to do something different, something special. The show tonight may not be what you came here expecting, but we hope you will enjoy it nonetheless.”

With that, she nodded to the other two, and the song changed. It took me a moment to recognize their first single, 'Black and white' because they treated it so differently- much slower and more introspective. Emmy sang with a powerful, clear voice a lot like some of the old singers my grandparents used to listen to. Instead of a pop ballad about loving a boy from afar it was a jazzy blues lament about hopeless dreams, and Emmy poured her heart out into that song. I don't know about the rest of the audience, but everybody sitting at our table had wet eyes by the time she sang the lines

“I know you could never love someone like me

Never anyone like me

Except in my dreams”

After the applause died down, Emmy said “That song was written by a good friend of mine. I am happy to report that he has found himself a good guy, and they are very happy together. Now I would like to sing a song to the one I love, a song that's very important to the two of us.”

Emmy looked up at me, sitting front and center in the balcony. She blew me a kiss, and started singing that same song she'd sang for me the first night we made love.

I'm not ashamed to admit that tears were running down my face, but they weren't sad tears. No, I was crying because at that moment I was as happy as I've ever been in my life. As Emmy sang about finding comfort in the arms of an angel I knew that all the time we'd been spending away from each other as Emmy devoted herself to her music had been worth it. Emmy was born to sing, and I was born to love her.

“Oh. My. God,” breathed the writer's date, looking over at me. “That's-”

“Wow,” interrupted the writer. “I've gotta say I'm totally blown away.”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “She's amazing.”

When the last notes faded away Emmy spoke again. “I am sorry we are starting the night off so slow-”

“Emmy! Marry me!” shouted the same chick from before, making Emmy laugh in that beautiful, musical way of her that always reminded me of bells.

“I am sorry, but I am already spoken for,” she said smiling, holding up her left hand to show off her ring, that same silver ring with the green garnet I’d given her that first Christmas together. It occurred to me that I really ought to buy her something nicer, with a real emerald this time. I mean, I had plenty of money now, so for my fiancée to be wearing a two hundred dollar ring was a bit ridiculous.

The next hour and a half was a mix of familiar tunes from old songs like 'Somewhere over the rainbow' and David Bowie's 'Heroes' to some of the other tracks from their first CD, 'The Downfall See The Light Of Day'. For me, the two best tunes were a song I didn't recognize about playing cards as a form of meditation, which was followed by an amazing piano rendition of Pink Floyd's 'Wish You Were Here'.

Emmy's singing was so soulful and the emotion was so intense that I hardly even noticed she changed the lyrics.

“Did you exchange a peaceful life at home

For death in a foreign war we waged?”

Tears were once again running down my face and there was nothing I could do to stop them. Looking down at Emmy, I saw her wipe tears from her own eyes as she sang, and I just knew that she was singing the song for me, and sharing my pain. If I had had any doubt that Emmy was the most amazing thing to ever come into my life, well, those doubts were smashed to pieces.

As the show progressed the tunes got progressively faster, so by the time they got to Johnny Cash's 'Ring of fire' The Downfall was positively belting it out. Lee had shoved the piano bench back and was standing up and pounding on the keys like a man possessed and Jackson was working the upright bass like crazy. Emmy was singing with amazing power, absolutely wailing about the flames going higher.

I had no idea how they could top that, but as the song built to its crescendo all of a sudden it stopped cold as all the lights in the whole place went out. It was dead still for a long moment, everybody holding their breath and wondering what could possibly come next, trying to see anything at all in the completely pitch dark room.

The silence lasted long enough for everybody to start to fidget and wonder what had gone wrong, when suddenly, a terrifying shriek tore through us in the audience like a sharp knife. I can't say what it was like for the others, but I have to admit I nearly died from a heart attack right then and there.

After a few seconds a single spotlight came on illuminating Emmy, her head thrown back as she wailed that terrifying primal scream. She looked around, wild-eyed and intense, with her blue guitar low on her hip. She then proceeded to wring the life out of her guitar as she ripped into 'Killer in the dark.' Additional spotlights shone on Lee, who was seated behind his familiar drum kit which had appeared out of nowhere, and on Jackson with his bass guitar, the stand up bass somehow made to disappear.

The three played with such intensity you could easily describe it as violence. It was an incongruous picture, Emmy in her elegant evening wear screeching, wailing and screaming such a frighteningly threatening song, which I'd read a reviewer online describe as “a predator's love song for her prey.”

Emmy changed the lyrics a bit on this one, too. After the last refrain, when she belted out

“I'm going to cut your heart out and let you bleed”

she added in a chilling whisper

“Because I love you”

The audience was completely stunned, and there was a long pause after the song ended in its familiar explosion of noise before anybody dared clap. Once the applause started, though, it opened a floodgate and everybody was on their feet, clapping and cheering for Emmy and the boys.

After a bit, Emmy waved for everybody to stop. When it quieted down, she said in her usual clear, pretty voice “Thank you all very much. We enjoyed taking it slow for the first half of our show, but now...”

Jackson leaned in to his microphone and yelled “It's time to tear off the fucking roof!”

With that, Emmy smiled and ripped into another intense guitar solo, showing off her stunning skill as The Downfall tore into a set of familiar rock tunes mixed with songs from the 'Dark Times' CD.

The stage lighting was anything but typical for a rock concert, with just the tight spots on the three performers but everything else pitch black. Emmy's long, tight white cocktail dress, high-heeled shoes and pearl necklace all shone as white as her hair in the spotlight, but her skin seemed so black it was almost as if it disappeared into the darkness.

Eventually the songs started to slow down, and finally Emmy announced “We only have one more song to play tonight. It is a favorite of mine, and seems like a fine way to end this enjoyable evening.”

With that, Emmy started in on the guitar. In a clear, strong but very sensual voice she sang that old song 'Because The Night'. When he recognized the tune the magazine writer laughed, then explained to me what he thought was so funny.

“Because The Night’ is always performed as a piano song,” he said. “That's the way Springsteen wrote it and Patti Smith recorded it. On the 10,000 Maniacs version and even the U2 version, it's always a piano song, right? These guys have a piano right there, but they’re doing it as a guitar song instead.”

I didn't see the humor, but whatever. I was used to Emmy playing things on the guitar that nobody would ever expect, and I told the guy that. “Emmy likes doing that kind of thing. The very first song she ever played for me on the guitar was 'Father Figure' by George Michael, and then right after that 'Bad Romance'.”

“Lady Gaga? You're kidding,” the guy said, surprised.

“No, seriously. It took me by surprise,” I said.

By this point the song had ended and Emmy had thanked the audience and then bid everybody good night.

“Our show tonight has been recorded,” Emmy announced. “If you would like a copy of the recording, please check our website in a week or so where there will be a download link. The download will be free, but we ask that you give what you think is fair to any refugee aid organization. Please give generously.”

Lee and Jackson stood and joined Emmy at the front of the stage. “Thank you all for coming tonight to see The Downfall,” Emmy said, and all three bowed to the audience. “We will be out to meet you all in a few minutes, so please do not go anywhere,” she announced, and the three slipped behind the curtain and disappeared backstage. The house lights came on immediately, letting everyone know that there wasn’t going to be any sort of encore.

Emmy texted me from the dressing room to say she was going to mingle for a few minutes before she came up to my table.

“Hurry,” I texted back.

“She'll be up in a few minutes,” I explained to the writer. We sipped our drinks (mine was a Coke- a habit I'd picked up from Stephanie) and chatted for a few.

“That was the most amazing show I've ever seen!” the guy's date raved. “She's just so...”

“You said she's nineteen years old, right?” the guy asked, once again interrupting his date. He’d basically ignored her all night long, and I have to say it grated on me a bit.

“Yeah, she just turned nineteen a month ago. Why?” I asked, trying to be civil.

“Well, it's just that if she's this good now, imagine how she'll be when she's, I don't know, thirty-five or so?”

Talk about a sudden slap in the face. I'd been floating on a glorious wave of happiness from seeing my beautiful Emmy do what she loved and was so good at, to all of a sudden the harsh reality that we were going to have so very, very little time together.

“Umm,” I mumbled, feeling as if I'd just high-dived into an empty pool.

“What?” the guy asked, thinking maybe I'd said something worthwhile.

“Nothing,” I replied, fighting to keep the tears under control. The writer must have realized I didn't want to talk, because he just shut up and left me alone for a while.

I jumped when I felt warm hands on my shoulders from behind, but when Emmy leaned in to give me a kiss I relaxed. It's only ten years, I told myself, but they'll be the best ten years anybody ever had. I was going to make sure of it.

Emmy plopped down on my lap so I wrapped my arms around her slender body, telling her in my silent way that I was so very, very in love with her.

Seizing his chance, the writer pulled out a recorder and started interviewing Emmy right then and there. I only half-listened, preferring to enjoy the feeling of the most amazing, talented girl in the world in my arms, and enjoying the smell of her hair and skin mixed with that familiar jasmine perfume that I found so intoxicating. I did notice that Emmy pretty much blew off all his questions about her background and her unusual looks. All she wanted to talk about was the music and after a while he got the hint and quit asking personal questions.

The interview was interrupted by an almost constant flow of fans coming up to tell Emmy how incredible they thought she was and how much they loved her and so on. Emmy was very gracious to each and every one and signed anything they had to autograph, thanking them personally for coming to see the concert that night.

With the interview and all the fans wanting to talk to Emmy, we were just about the last ones to leave the club. We fetched Emmy's guitar from the dressing room (the boys had already packed and taken the rest of the equipment) and said good night to the doorman, then walked the couple of blocks to where we'd parked. As is typical for San Francisco, the night (well, early morning, by this point) was cool and foggy, muffling sounds and making halos around the streetlights. The effect made it seem as if we were in our own isolated little world. Emmy was on a high, still feeling the positive energy from the show. She couldn't stop babbling about how much fun it was, and how everybody seemed to love the performance and so on.

"It did not bother you when that woman said she loved me and wanted to marry me?" Emmy asked, a bit concerned.

"Are you kidding? I know exactly how she felt!" I replied, laughing. "No, I felt proud that I'm the one who's gonna marry you."