Elegy for a Star

The carriage bumped and swayed as it went over the rocky terrain. Its wheels were uneven and old, squeaking and grinding as they turned. The driver was a middle-aged woman with a hunched back and one eye. She didn’t bother to cover the empty socket.

Joyona didn’t mind. She always wanted to let people do what makes them comfortable. She didn’t want to interfere with others’ happiness unless it came at the cost of another. That was her motto, anyway. That was her father’s motto too. Gods, she missed him.

In truth, Joyona was intensely homesick. She missed Sevarra. She missed her Cairn. She missed her family. Her father sent her the scribestone that barely had anything on it. It tore her up, but she didn’t want to worry the others, so she put on a good face. She wanted to hear from him. She wanted to talk to him. She wanted to hug him and be hugged by him. She missed the love.

She looked into the sky, watching the dark night and the moon above. She’d started trying to take these little sojourns during the nighttime and attending class during the day. It had left her exhausted, but she didn’t want to worry the others.

Joyona had made some friends during her time at Kravana Hall and she didn’t want to risk losing them for something like this. Gwen, Tess, Mairaela. They were wonderful. She respected Gwendolyn’s discipline, even if it drove her a little crazy this time. She appreciated Tess’ persistence to be helpful, even if she could be an evil deceiver.

Mairaela, though? The Fey was gorgeous. She was sweet and kind. She was professional when she had to be, polite when that was the proper course. She was everything that Joyona had ever wanted. She couldn’t shake the feeling that she wanted to be closer to the Fey; to be more than a friend. When she saw Mairaela and Tess sleeping with one another, all she could think about was how happy Mairaela seemed at that moment. It brought Joyona such a euphoric feeling; She wanted to be someone that gave her those feelings too.

This loneliness was like a vice on Joyona’s heart and a weight on her shoulders. It wasn’t physical, though. Joyona couldn’t lift it in her arms. It was just mental. Emotional. Spiritual. It distracted her during the Void Exercise. Slowed her. Clouded her mind. She could have been so much better. She protected the Fey from the Arbalest’s blast. She came to her aid at a moment’s notice. She healed her after Miri’s assault.

She didn’t turn Tess in—despite knowing that she should—because it would have upset Mairaela.

But the others were emotional. Scared at times. They had so much going on in their lives. So Joyona would be their rock. She could push down her own problems and be the foundation for the problems of her allies. She was big. She was strong. She was an Evigkin and she would bear that weight, just like her father would. She knew that he would be proud.

The carriage pulled up to the humble town of Oar’s Rest. It wasn’t much but a few streets and four dozen homes and businesses. It made a living off of its sizable port however, being the last refuge before heading into the long stretch of sea known as the Waterway. Wheldrake, the next stop was over a week away, so ships often traded a great deal at Oar’s Rest in exchange for repairs, food and other supplies. Joyona could respect the people here. They put their money back into that which makes them money. Instead of expanding they have restricted how many people could set up homes here. They kept the town small and manageable while putting a great deal of its profit back into the port.

Joyona appreciated the practicality. A giant’s Cairn was a very small group of people, most often only a single family. She knew that humans and Fey were more social creatures, but even still, Oar’s Rest kept things simple.

The carriage pulled up to the town hall and let Joyona step out. The giant had already paid—as was the carriage driver’s rule—so she simply walked off. She didn’t engage with the driver. She would only embarrass herself. She wasn’t the best in social situations, so she usually just kept her mouth shut rather than risking faux pas. She may look strange for it, but at least she didn’t have to look at their expressions while they did.

On her way to her destination, she passed a number of stores. Armories, smithies, general stores, fish sellers and some empty markets that would be filled up during the daytime.

She wondered what Yerthwerk was up to. Was he even conscious while she was out of the Void? What happened to him? She should introduce the others to him next time. She’d just been so worried that she would be misunderstood. She wanted to be normal. She didn’t want to be the weird one. She certainly failed at that when Gwendolyn overheard her. She grimaced at the thought that she was perceived as talking to herself. She just didn’t think the others were ready to hear about Yerthwerk. Even still, they had their own problems to deal with. She shouldn’t trouble them with her own. She was the rock.

Joyona took one of her braids in hand, tugging it and twirling it around a hand. A passerby gave her a look. It wasn’t particularly judgmental, but it still caused Joyona anxiety. She released her braid, tossing it over her shoulder and giving the man nothing more than a glance. He looked uncomfortable with her gaze. Was she so intimidating?

Even at her Cairn she stood out. Everyone else was full-blooded, towering over Joyona. But there was something in her mother’s blood, something that thinned it, even if she were as tall as the others. And that blood was passed onto Joyona. Her parents loved her no matter what, and those at her Cairn didn’t give her trouble for it, but Joyona felt their stares. She felt their pity. She’d been short. She’d been weak. She stood out.

Now she was too tall. Too strong. She still stood out.

She was relieved to find Admaris in the Corps. Another half-blood. Of course, he didn’t seem to have the same troubles as Joyona. What was his secret? Was there just something wrong with Joyona that others in her position didn’t experience? She constantly wondered if she was simply broken.

Joyona opened the door to her destination, immediately met with the scent of cinnamon. One of the ladies was standing behind the desk. The others were giving Joyona welcoming glances, fluttering their lashes and coaxing her to pick them. “Welcome back,” said the Madame, approaching Joyona and taking a puff from her slender pipe.

“Hi,” Joyona replied, keeping things brief so that she wouldn’t mess things up.

“How can we help you this time?”

“Same as before.”

“Who do you have a taste for tonight?”

“Lira.” Joyona replied

The Madame of the place gave a little laugh, “You must really like her. I swear I was going to kick her out before you started coming almost every day for her. I’m sure that she appreciates your patronage.”

Joyona didn’t reply, didn’t react. She just wanted to move along.

She was escorted into a well decorated room. Red everything. Sheets, curtains, pillows, rug, even the walls. Enhance the passion, Joyona supposed.

“Lira will be right with you,” the attendant spoke softly.

Joyona nodded and took a seat on the bed, kicking off her boots and removing her cloak. She folded it neatly upon a nearby loveseat, organizing the boots along with it.

When Lira entered, dressed in little more than small strips of clothing that did very little to hide her body, she smiled wide at Joyona. She was a sweet woman. Pale, auburn hair and freckled face. Blue eyes. Pretty.

“Same as last time? You just want to talk?”

Joyona nodded, taking a seat upon the bed. Lira joined her, sitting a friendly distance away.

Lira turned to Joyona and asked, “So, how have you been?”