Elegy for a Star

Gwendolyn stepped into the festival yard, looking around for the staging area. Before she found it, she heard a shouting, “Dame!” It was difficult to tell exactly who it was over the din of the crowd, but when she turned, she saw Tess, Mairaela and Joyona approaching. They squeezed through the others and made their way to Gwen. She watched them, but said nothing in return.

“Hey,” Mairaela said. She had a cut on her temple and a bruise on her cheek. Gwen hadn’t seen the fight, but she heard Mairaela lost it. Any thought about that was stuffed down. “We wanted to wish you luck in your match; You’re gonna kick his ass,” the Fey said with a fist pump into the air.

“We’re going to be cheering your name!” Tess explained, clapping her hands together once, “You’ll probably hear us from the crowd. We’ll make sure to say the whole name too.”

Gods, was she cute.

Gwen pinched her lips together, “Okay.” She nodded, “Thank you for the support.” She needed to leave. It was too difficult to stand here and not appreciate them. To not be friendly.

No, she was going to do it. Perseverance. Determination. Zeal.

“Admaris is strong, but-...” Joyona started.

Gwendolyn interrupted, “Don’t. I am fine.”

Joyona stopped, nodding her head. The other two looked uncomfortable now.

“Um,” Tess started, pausing for a moment as she seemed to choose her words very carefully, “You’ll do great.”

Gwendolyn turned and stepped away. She could practically hear their stares at one another. Their judgments. Their concern.

They’ll get used to it. It wasn’t her problem anymore. She was going to be better. No distractions. No distractions.

When she arrived at the staging area, she was given an option of armor and weapons. All of them were training weapons, of course. They wouldn’t risk the death of one of their Corpsmen. The fight only went until there was a killing blow, upon which time a bell would sound to declare the end of the match.

Gwen elected to wear no armor and no shield. Admaris was Evigkin. A blow from him, regardless of armor, would be crushing. It was better to be mobile; to be faster. To be better. She was going to be.

Gwendolyn picked up a new training sword, testing its weight before deciding to go with another that had a better balance to it. “They’re all the same,” the arena master said to her. Gwendolyn shook her head.

She thought, “No. This one is better.”

She flipped the sword in her hand, hopping up and down and shaking out her limbs. She needed to warm up. She should’ve done that already, but Tess and the others slowed her down. She shouldn’t have even stopped for them. What was she thinking?! Again, she fell for distractions. She wouldn’t make that mistake again.

When the gate opened into the arena, Gwendolyn hurried out, jogging to her position. The arena was toughened dirt, though Gwendolyn could see chunks dug up from weapons, or little bits of blood from a strike that connected too hard. It didn’t bother her. She was going to make Admaris bleed, too. He was the enemy. He was evil. She was going to make him regret this.

There were two stone circles level with the dirt to signal where each fighter would stand. They were about twenty feet apart. At first, Admaris didn’t show up, it seemed. Gwen stood upon her stone and looked around. Joyona was too tall to miss, and her eyes landed on her party. They were cheering, clapping, standing and waving their hands.

Gwendolyn redirected her sight, shaking the thought from her mind, the growing smile from her face. Fuck this. Fuck them. Fuck Admaris. No friendship. No love. No distractions.

At that point, the crowd began to cheer as Admaris took to the stage. He was tall. A little taller than Joyona, carrying a hefty wooden warhammer. “That thing could break bones,” Gwen thought, “And a blow to the head could kill me.” That’s why she wasn’t going to get hit, she told herself. It was too slow. She was fast. She was better.

Admaris was wearing leathers, with a few gaps around some of the joints and flanks. It was meant for front-facing attacks, nothing from the back. Gwen took note of that.

“Get inside his reach,” she told herself, “Sword to the throat before he can grab you. That’ll be a win.” Her opponent inclined his head toward Gwendolyn, and before the Dame knew it, the bell sounded for the fight to begin.

Immediately, muscle memory took over and Gwendolyn lunged off of her stone circle and charged Admaris’ position. The giant swung his hammer horizontally, timing it with Gwendolyn’s charge. “He’s fast,” was the first thought that came to Gwen’s mind. She had to end her charge—lest she suffer the killing blow—her boots skidding on the ground and kicking up dirt as she tried to slow herself. She could feel the wind off of that swing across her torso. He didn’t go for the head, though.

Admaris thrust the head of the hammer forward. He was exposed! She pressed in, within his reach. She was going to win! At least, she hoped, until Admaris struck her in the side with the haft of his weapon.

Gwen had the breath knocked out of her, falling to the ground. Admaris brought the hammer up for a killing shot, but as he brought it down, Gwendolyn noticed that he was bringing it to the side so that it wouldn’t actually hurt Gwen. She took advantage of this and rolled in the opposite direction, and the judges must have determined that as a dodge.

Gwendolyn came up to her feet, but the pain in her ribs caused her to stumble, and Admaris took advantage, bringing his hammer up and to the side to catch Gwendolyn as she rounded him. Gwendolyn was off-balance and couldn’t dodge the attack, so she brought up her blade to parry at the haft of the hammer. The force of it crushed her against her blade, causing her to slide backward upon her feet until she managed to press off of him. She could hear her training sword straining and flexing. Her arms were shaking. Her legs were shaking. Her body was jelly.

“Stop fucking around,” Gwen told herself, “You’re a knight. He’s nothing. He doesn’t deserve to win. He hasn’t trained as hard as you have.”

Before she knew it, another hammer was swinging toward her side. She pressed in, hopping over the haft and swinging her blade toward the giant’s throat. Admaris brought up his hand and Gwen’s sword only connected with his leather bracer. That wouldn’t count, she knew. For a moment she thought she had it. Admaris took one hand off of the hammer. He couldn’t swing it while that was the case.

Gwen underestimated the strength of Evigkin and found that hammer coming her way. She brought her blade back down, parrying at the haft like she did last time. She felt the strain on her blade, and it snapped, allowing the haft to connect with her forehead.

She wasn’t sure what happened after that. There was a slam, then a bell, and then a cheering from the crowd. When Gwen came to, her hand was shaking, instinctively searching around for her blade. She found it, bringing it up defensively, but it was only a handle, and judging by the warhammer planted into the ground beside her head, she’d already lost.

Gwendolyn was stunned. Admaris held a hand out to offer her a lift to her feet. Eyes wide, Gwen rolled to the side and got up on her own, looking around as though she just woke up here with no idea what was going on.

“You’re really fuckin’ good,” Admaris said with a laugh, “I think you just came in a little fast. A little too open, you know? With some patience, you would’ve won for sure. I bet next time we fight, you’ll definitely w-...”

“Shut your mouth,” Gwendolyn interjected, holding back tears.

Admaris was declared the winner, though Gwendolyn’s mind was fuzzy throughout that whole ordeal. It was only when they were good to exit the arena that she really began to think. Admaris turned and began to walk away.

Gwendolyn looked down at the long edges of wood sticking out from where the sword broke. She looked up at Admaris and screamed in absolute rage, plunging the broken blade into his exposed back. Again. Again. Wooden splinters stuck into his skin only to leave more upon the handle.

Admaris let out a yell and collapsed to the dirt, struggling to get Gwendolyn off of him. Gwen was still swinging. Still stabbing. She was yelling something, but she had no idea what it was. Admaris was calling for help.

She was watching herself, standing beside herself; outside her own body, wishing that she would stop. Instead, she watched herself rage at this defenseless man. She watched as soldiers approached her from both sides, as they grabbed her arms and took her to the ground. She watched herself struggle and swing, watched them drag her away. She watched Admaris get up, his back bleeding, watching her like she was insane.

She watched herself realize what she’d done. She watched herself gasp and scream, reaching for Admaris and begging for forgiveness.