Elegy for a Star

When Tess showed up at the Training Yard, Howlcrag was already packing things up. She must’ve only been a few minutes late! “Sergeant, I’m here,” Tess stated, hurrying to his side.

“You’re late,” the Sergeant replied, “Let’s do this on your time. One a day when you care.”

Tess felt the sting of guilt and replied, “Please, Sergeant. Something came up. I’m only a few minutes late.”

“From now on, Tess,” Howlcrag said, “Whatever time I give you, “I want you to show up fifteen minutes earlier. Understand?”

“Yes, Sergeant,” Tess replied, but all she could think about was the sleep she would be missing out on, “Please can we begin today?”

“You understand I’m pissed off, right?” Howlcrag replied.

“Yes, Sergeant. I’m sorry.”

“And that if we start today, I’m gonna take that out on you,” he replied.

Tess briefly though that she should just take the out. “No,” she thought, “I’m going to show them. Kofi and Varon both.”

“Yes, Sergeant,” she responded.

Howlcrag nodded, “Let me explain to you what the Snowhill is, then. You ever done wolf sprints, Tess?”

“I don’t know if I’ve ever exercised, Sergeant,” Tess immediately regretted what she said.

Howlcrag nodded, giving a little chuckle, “Well, you know why we exercise the body when all that matters in the Void is the soul?”

“I don’t,” Tess replied.

Varon nodded, “Your abilities in the Void are partially controlled by your expectations of your abilities. Gifts help, but they only control one aspect.

“For instance, if you know you’re a damn fine sprinter outside of the Void, you’ll know you’re fast as the hells. You’ll expect it. That’ll confer some speed in the Void.” Howlcrag explained.

“That makes sense,” Tess nodded, “That’s neat.”

“‘Neat.”” Howlcrag chuckled, “Yeah, we’ll see how neat you think this is. Let me teach you a Wolf Sprint.”

The training was about as harsh as Howlcrag warned, but a little bit worse. Trying to sprint in ankle deep snow was no easy feat. In fact, Tess couldn’t even call it a sprint. More like clumsily falling in a horizontal direction. Snowhill was—as one might expect—a massive hill covered in snow drifts. Howlcrag had Tess running up and down the hill, sprinting up and down the hill, skipping up and down the hill, crab walking, bear crawling, running sideways, frontways, backways, all the ways. It was absolutely miserable, and Tess could barely walk by the end of it. Her arms were dead tired and she felt lightheaded. Howlcrag passed her a waterskin and Tess had it downed in moments.

“That’s for being late,” Howlcrag grunted, “Don’t let it happen again, or it’ll be much, much worse.”

“Fuuuuck..” Tess groaned, propping her hands up on her knees to be bent forward a little.

“Here. Take this,” Howlcrag tossed her a wooden sword, but Tess’ arms were so weak that she couldn’t get a good grip and it dropped to the ground. She scooped it up and inspected it. It wasn’t much more than a smoothed out, thicker stick.

Suddenly, she felt a crack upon her flank, as the Sergeant smacked her with another wooden sword in his grasp.

“Ow! Fuck!” Tess grunted, “What did I do?!”

“If I had to pick one thing, I’d say you didn’t parry,” Howlcrag replied, “Now defend yourself.”

Tess held the sword in two hands, but even she could tell it wasn’t a great grip. Howlcrag swung at her a few times. She knew that he was holding back a great deal. The swings were light and slow, but even still, it was difficult to predict his movement. He attacked in angles that Tess wasn’t sure how to parry, and that led to a weak block, which Howlcrag pressed through.

All in all, Tess was going to be quite bruised and sore the next day.

Howlcrag gave her a five minute break to drink some water, but he wouldn’t let her sit down. He insisted that the moment she sits, she wouldn’t be getting up again. Tess could feel the truth of that in her thighs and hips. Okay, no sitting down.

She drink water and groaned, “Fuck, I’m thirsty.”

“You need to be drinking water all day, everyday,” Varon insisted, “Take that waterskin. Keep it full. You know where the barrels are?”

There were some barrels spread out around the dormitory and the rest of Kravana Hall that are regularly refilled with magic by pulling water out of the air. She nodded to the Sergeant, breathing heavily, “Yeah, I do.”

“Five minutes are almost up,” he warned, “Grab your sword.”

Tess took one more drink of water, only to get a smack on her elbow from Howlcrag’s sword. She dropped the waterskin, spilling it on the ground. “Hey, what the fuck?!” She snapped, picking up her sword.

“Calm down,” Howlcrag explained, “Anger won’t help you.”

Despite the advice, Tess charged in and swung her sword chaotically, trying for quick, powerful strikes, rather than thoughtful ones. Howlcrag deflected them before finally parrying with such force that Tess’ wooden stick fell from her hands. She received a sharp crack upon the shoulder for it.

“Dead,” Howlcrag responded, “I told you.”

Tess was fuming.

“You’re never going to figure out a sword,” Howlcrag sighed, tipping his head back.

Tess held her arms out and shouted, “With all due respect, shut the fuck up!” Howlcrag looked back at her with a furrowed brow. He did not like that. “Why are you being such a hardass? Why did the Captain pair me up with you? Why are you trying to get me to quit and leave the Corps?

“Is it because I’m untrained? Is it because I’m giftless? Why?!” Tess felt tears welling up in her eyes. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. He won’t take Tess seriously if she cries.

“Go ahead,” Howlcrag explained, “Get it out.”

“Fuck you!” Tess screamed, “Fuck you! I’m sick of people treating me like I’m lesser! Like I can’t take care of myself. Like I’m useless, or something! It’s bullshit! I saved my team during the Void exercise!”

Howlcrag gestured for more.

“I’m special! I’m not giftless! I’ve got abilities! I have… I have…”

“Hey, Tess, how about we shut the fuck up now, yeah?” Miri suggested in her mind.

“I have had enough of you,” Tess snapped, stomping away. She left the sword, left the waterskin, and trudged toward the gully.

Howlcrag called out to her, “I’m giftless too.”

That made Tess pause. She turned around, “What?”

“I said I’m giftless too,” Varon repeated, “You didn’t think you were the only one at Kravana, did you?”

Tess felt terrible almost immediately as she processed this information. There was an ache in her stomach. “I’m sorry,” Tess replied.

“Is that pity or platitude? Either way, I don’t need it,” Varon explained, “Do you know why Captain Maupoissant paired you with me? Because I know the shit you’re going through. Because I know that people like you and I have to work harder than the others to earn our place here. We don’t get a free pass, Tess.”

“Just…” Tess started, unable to look the Sergeant in the eye after her embarrassment, “Don’t tell me I’m never going to learn something. I’m in this so long as the person walking me through it at least believes in me. The moment that’s gone, I don’t see the point in learning from that person.”

“When did I say I don’t believe in you?

“About the sword. You said I’ll never get it,” Tess explained.

“But it’s true,” Howlcrag explained, holding his arms out and letting them flop to his sides, “But hells, Tess, there’s more weapons than a longsword out there. I’m going to bring you a different weapon next time. Something more your style. You’re a whole lot better at dodging than parrying. I’ll get you something smaller. Faster.”

“Like what?”

“I’m thinkin’ knives.”