Elegy for a Star

As far as scores in the classroom, Gwendolyn was still behind Lulu, and that fact drove her crazy. She needed to get top marks, to be the best in the class, so that she could impress her father. She needed to. She needed to do better.

“Could you stop that?” A student asked her. She was garbed in red, with flame tattoos up her arms. A fire witch in training, it looked like. Hadn’t earned her goggles yet, though, so pretty new to it.

Gwendolyn realized she was fidgeting with her inkpen, tapping it against the table rapidly, making quite a bit of noise, and biting her lip. She pulled her teeth from her lip and could taste blood. She felt sore, realizing that her whole body was tense. “Do better,” she thought, “Do better.”

“Right,” she said back to the fire witch. She should’ve apologized. Would apologizing be weak or was it the knightly thing to do? Gwendolyn wasn’t sure anymore.

She scored well on her last test, but Lulu just edged out as the winner. Gwendolyn was irritated. She couldn’t stop staring at the back of Lulu’s head. She should sit in the front. She shouldn’t be in the middle. What was she doing? She was being lazy. She needed to move to the front. Go. She needed to do it now.

Gwendolyn rose from her seat, grabbing her belongings and stepping forward to find a seat at the front. The only one she could get was the seat directly beside Lulu. There was a sense of joy in the thought that no one wanted to sit next to her. Gods, why was she thinking this way? She was a knight.

“Mind if I sit here?” Gwendolyn asked Lulu, gesturing at the seat beside her.

Lulu looked over and nodded her head, “Be my guest, Dame.”

So she did know Gwen, or at least she noticed the person who was on her ass when it came to grades. Was she nervous that Gwendolyn would overtake her in scores?

“So,” Soveliss began the class, “Last week we discussed the stages of Thyr’s aura, and, well… more history than this class needed to talk about. Who can remind the class how one can gain an aura the quickest?”

Gwendolyn shot her hand up. Soveliss picked her and she explained, “Performing feats according to your gift.”

Soveliss nodded, “Correct. That’s the basic method. What’s the more difficult method?”

Gwendolyn’s mind went blank. Gods, what was it? She could remember discussing it. She began to flip through her notes, scanning through the pages as quickly as she could, before she heard Lulu’s voice, “Performing in ways that Uthr would approve of. Self-sacrifice most of all.”

“Perfect,” Soveliss responded, “That’s a difficult one to remember. Thank you both.”

Gods, Gwendolyn knew that. Why couldn’t she think of the answer in time?! Instead she let Lulu take the answer. Gwendolyn pushed a shaky hand through her hair. Do better. Do better.

Another student raised his hand. Did Gwendolyn miss a question? Stupid!

“Do corrupted lost souls have an aura?” The student asked. Oh, thank the gods, it was just a question that the student had, not a question that the professor asked.

“They do, but not like we have,” Soveliss explained, “In fact, theirs is the reason that they are so dangerous. Theirs is composed of the absence of light. When getting close to them, it can pull your own aura away.”

One of the students behind Gwendolyn blurted, “Oh, shit.”

“Oh, shit is right,” Soveliss responded, “They draw their power from the Black Sun, and unfortunately while we’re in the void, the Black Sun is all around them. This is why it typically takes an entire team to defeat a singular corrupted soul.” Soveliss sighed, “It’s recommended that you keep your distance as much as possible so that they cannot drain your aura. Ranged gifts are extremely important against corrupted souls.”

Gwendolyn scribbled down in her notebook, marking Mairaela’s name beside the rest of what she’d written. She paused for a moment. She slowly wrote down “Tess?”

“Now, what do you expect would happen if two auras merged together?”

Gwendolyn’s hand went up, and once called on, she said, “Both auras would be enhanced, making them both more powerful."

“Not necessarily,” Soveliss replied. Gwendolyn’s heart dropped. She felt sick. Tears almost welled in her eyes.

“Yes, Lulu?”

Gwen hadn’t even seen Lulu’s hand go up. Her eyes were down, looking at her notes.

“Both auras would combine into one, stronger aura, but only equivalent to the two added together,” Lulu explained, “This is why it isn’t necessarily any better to merge auras. It adds up the same, but if you want to hurt something all in one burst, it’s good for that.”

Soveliss nodded his head, “Good thoughts on the strategy involved. I don’t think we’ve gone over that just yet.”

Gwendolyn’s stomach was in knots. Do better, Gwen. She needed to fucking do better, that fucking-...

Suddenly, she felt ill. Her insides were all twisted. Her hands were shaking. Her chest hurt. Her throat was tight. She couldn’t breathe.

Gwendolyn shot out of her seat and made her way to the back of the room, toward the door. She left her belongings at her desk, pushing the doors open.

Once the door closed, she bent forward and braced herself with her hands upon her knees. Her chest was heaving, her brow was dripping sweat. “What is wrong with me,” She thought, “Now I’m skipping class?”

A few students were approaching from down the hallway, so Gwendolyn jogged toward the gardens. Soveliss’ classroom wasn’t too far from it, so she managed to weave through the bushes and find a spot that was relatively concealed from the outside. Gwendolyn’s legs were shaking.

She clumsily dropped to the ground, resting upon her hands and knees. Her chest was hurting so, so much. She couldn’t stop breathing heavily; rapidly. Tears dripped from her eyes. She felt like her head was going to explode.

“What are you doing?!” She screamed in her mind, “Get ahold of yourself!”

“Haa.. You’re.. haa~.. a knight.. haa,” she gasped and wheezed, “Stop-.. Haa.. s-stop.. Do better…” She began to sob, tears dripping into the grass as she screamed in her mind, “Do better, you fucking idiot. Do better, do better.”

She collapsed forward, remaining on her knees but resting on her forearms and bawling into the grass.

Gwendolyn howled in agony.