Deicide: To Kill The Gods

“Atlas?”

The woman’s voice wobbled, her eyes staring into mine for a moment. It took her a second to fully comprehend my changed appearance that was in front of her instead of being through a projection, before she swept me up into her arms, bawling her eyes out and hugging me tightly. I had no doubt that this was Elizabeth, my mother. The hug only grew tighter as she was joined by a taller man– Caspian, my father.

And I couldn’t help but allow myself to sob as well. In my previous life, my mother had died giving me life, and as such, I had spent my life scavenging in the cold, then being taught to use my hands to hurt others. Only to shed blood and to cause pain, never to heal or give care as I’m sure she would have wished me to. I had never– I had never known what having a family felt like.

…Or I had, but I threw it all away for the lives of others, forsaking my happiness in the process.

I finally had a family. I really had one. Burying my face in my mother’s neck, we were quickly joined by two girls who looked to be about four. One had black hair, the other a shade of auburn. They pulled on the hems of my trousers, ripped and clad in dirt as they were. Large eyes peered curiously up at me, taking in my appearance.

“Who make Mudder cry?” The auburn haired one asked, pulling a little harder on my trouser now.

“We woent forgive anyone that make Mudder cry!” The black haired one continued, hitting my leg gently. In comparison to what I had experienced so far, being hit by the girl made me somewhat relieved that at least children were… well, normal.

My mother let go of me, picking up both girls in her arms as my father simply wiped a few tears from his eyes, an arm wrapped around her waist. Still resisting the urge to bawl– the emotions from recent events were rushing back to me, shattering the wall I had placed up to protect myself from feeling– I smiled at my mother.

“What are their names, Mum?”

“This is Lucynda,” She said, gesturing to the black-haired one with her head. “And this is Evelyn,” She said, gesturing to the brown-haired one. “Lucy, Evie, this is your brother. The one Dada and I told you stories about.”

“Brudda!” Evie said with a giggle, and my mother turned, gesturing me to come inside. Following her and my father in, I glanced up and around. The place was grandiose, yet modest at the same time. A set of stairs in the centre led up to rooms, which I assumed were bedrooms and bathrooms.

“This place is owned by a friend of mine. He’s currently in Krystallos on business, but he graciously allowed us to stay here.” My father commented as my mother led us past more rooms, finally coming to what seemed to be a living room. Two chairs covered in velvet faced a chair in the centre, and the walls were adorned with paintings. Whatever friend my father had, he was clearly quite wealthy.

I sat opposite my mother, Isabella on my lap, Evie and Lucy to her side in the middle of my father and her. She had brewed some tea, which was steaming as it sat upon the table. Taking a sip, her expression had changed from relieved to fully serious. It appeared we would now be getting onto the topic of… what exactly I had been doing in my absence. It wasn’t as though I hadn’t prepared for this– glancing down at Isabella, I took a deep breath, beginning to talk.

—

With the occasional gasp from my mother, I recounted falling through Hua’s roof, then my awakening and meeting of the Lizards, leaving out my fight with Jasper– for I knew it would cause her to worry more than she already had– as well as my meeting with Meryll and Xiao. I told them how I had saved the now-Isabella, and how she had recently become my bond, whilst hiding the part about her being a dragon, calling her a horned wolf and leaving it at that. My right hand raised, slipping off my glove, to show them the black mark she had made on my skin from the bite wound.

My two sisters sat there amazed, quite clearly in awe. If they believed this was a fairytale, it would be better than anything else. I didn’t want them to take the horrors I hadn’t emitted from the story or truth, not at the age they were then.

Atlas’-- the original Atlas’-- memories had begun to seep into mine thanks to Isabella’s help, so I wasn’t truly an outsider anymore. Originally, I was an amnesiac with no memory of my past or his, but as I regained my memories, I gained his as well. And from his memories… His family loved him. But Atlas was bed bound and sickly, and never got to experience the family life he’d deserved.

I would live out that dream for him.

“So…” My father piped up, “When you said you could use the elements, which ones?”

My mother also seemed to be curious as my sisters clapped their hands, nodding over to me.

“I am an Amplifier, and I have the usage of all five elements, along with divergent ice and lightning.” I bit back the childish urge to boast to my parents about Isabella’s Kismet that I had access to, and the fact I could use both the first and second stages. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t. Unless it was absolutely necessary, I couldn’t tell people about that– though, my heart twisted into knots the more I lied.

It was unbearable, but I also couldn’t drag them into the mess that was unravelling at my feet.

“Fi… FIVE?!” My father expressed his surprise, sinking down into what seemed like despair at the fact a mere child was so talented– until he let out a laugh. “My child’s a genius! A bloody genius!” In response, I bit my lip. I couldn’t tell him it wasn’t his child. I was an imposter, and not meant to belong.

A grin flickered over his face. “What do you say you and your old man have a little spar out at the back? I’m sure no one’ll mind.”

My mother wasted no time grabbing him by the ear and pulling him down, my father repeatedly muttering ‘ow..’. A smile was on her face, but it seemed to be one of cruel confidence rather than any form of joy.

“My son has just returned after a long journey during which we all thought he was dead and your first instinct, Caspian Reyes, is to challenge him to a battle? He’s probably too tired and doesn’t want to. Over my dead bo–”

“Mum, I’m all fired up now. I want to, I promise.”

Her head slowly turned towards me, and I felt a chill pass up my side. However, her expression softened, and she let out a sigh, shaking her head in what seemed to be utter disbelief.

“Very well then, I will permit your father to fight you. But Caspian, if you hurt our child after I have almost lost him, I will be having words.”

My father nodded, cowering before her. After a few moments during which silence was tangible, he got up and led us out to a large garden, presumably used for parties. My mother took a seat with my siblings on the porch– my father and I standing in the large open space.

Isabella sat by my mother, as I had requested for her not to engage in this battle. Considering I was hiding it, I wouldn’t be using my Kismet either.

Requiem was propped up next to Isabella, along with my bag containing almost nothing but the map Hua’s father had given me. Reminding myself not to overdo it since I needed to visit the town with her and my family tomorrow, I got into a fighting stance and watched my father do the same.

This would be nothing if not fun.

—

It was nice fighting an opponent who didn’t want to end my life for once, especially considering my known history of fights to the death. My father stood before me, cracking his knuckles. The earth vibrated, and I felt it tremble. Leaping out of the way, a stone pillar rose exactly where I had been standing. He was an evoker– but with the way he moved, he likely knew how to use his fists as well.

The pillars continued to rise and as I focused on them, I had lost sight of my dad. His fist collided with my side, sending me tumbling off to one side. I had forgotten that my soul core was damaged– so I was slower, weaker than I was when I had completed the trials.

However, I landed on my feet, blocking his next blow and countering it with a simple uppercut. I felt my knuckles dig into his jaw, but his foot swung around and clipped my shoulder.

My father was far stronger physically and far taller than me, meaning he had the reach advantage in this fight. The grass grew at my command, curling around his legs and trapping him in place. He was immediately met with a knee to the face reinforced by soul, hands wrapped around the back of his head before being thrown off.

The clashes continued like that, due to my father not wanting to hurt me as well as my own handicap. In some ways, I missed the life-or-death scenarios I had previously been put in, the high they had given me being quite addictive. The sound of blood pounding in my ears and the feeling of anticipation as I engaged in risky tactics with my opponent was like home to me, and all I had ever known in my old world.

Jumping out of the war as a barrage of rocks were thrown my way, nausea set in as suddenly my body felt immensely heavy. A grin lit up my father’s face as it felt as though a large amount of weight had been added to my back, pushing me to my knees.

Weight?

No, this wasn’t weight. This was gravity magic.

My father was capable of using gravity! It was, pointedly, the first time I had seen such magic in action, and I doubted it would be the last– but I didn’t exactly have time to stare, mouth agape, at his prowess.

“You like it, son?!” He yelled at me. “It’s something your old man’s been working on for quite a while!!!”

I grinned back. “Yeah, dad! It’s pretty cool– for a party trick, I mean.” Around my family, I had started to become more chatty, the same way I was with Hua. I had promised myself that I wouldn’t become the same emotionless blank slate of a being I had been before– and as such, joking around was commonplace. But I wasn’t entirely kidding.

Electricity began to artificially pass through my body, wind converging at the bottoms of my feet. The earth beneath my feet began to crack under the weight of the pressure I exerted upon it. Releasing the kinetic energy I had been storing in my muscles due to the electricity coursing through them, I blitzed forward with enough force to escape my father’s gravitational downforce.

My fist crashed into his stomach at blinding speeds, reinforced by wind. His hand grasped my other, merely to make sure, I thought, that I didn’t wind up and hit him again, this time in the face.

Whilst both his arms held mine, I leapt upwards. Spinning in order to break his grip (but in a way that wouldn’t break my wrists in the process), I slammed my heel downwards into the top of his head. Yet, due to the fact the satisfying crunch of the attack landing wasn’t audible, I realised he had caught my foot– again.

It appeared that with the month I had before the tournament, an immense amount of training would be needed– or, I’d need to fix my core, which was the better course of action. I wasn’t used to being so weak.

Being thrown off, I caught myself once more, deciding to end the fight. Coating my fist in electricity, I went in for a decisive blow, meeting him head-on as a bang went off, covering the whole clearing in a burst of rainbow.

As the smoke cleared, I could hear my mother yelling at my father, who appeared to be considerably worse off than I was with large amounts of bruising across his body due to the resultant shockwave from the blast. A low tinnitus tone rang in my eyes as I pushed myself to my feet, making my way over to the two.

My mother went to hug me, and despite my accepting it, I waved away her attempts to baby me, telling her I was fine. Instead, I extended a hand to my father with a grin.

“Thank you for the battle, Dad. I really appreciated you humouring me.”

He responded with a pat on the back. “No worries, son. I’m just glad to have you back in one piece.”

After that, the day moved on quite quickly. Dinner was lively, as I conversed with my mother, who had finished giving my father an earful for the day, making sure to convey my journey as epically as possible for my sisters. They giggled a couple times along the way, and I made a mental note to catch up on all the time I had lost with them.

After dinner and a quick bath– I had to force Isabella to get into the makeshift tub–, I was led to my own room by my mother. It was large, with a double bed in the middle, lined with soft pillows and a comfy blanket– more luxury than I had ever known. It reminded me of my room as the Captain-Commander– except, it wasn’t lonely. It reminded me of my family, and the warmth and kindness they had shown me.

I wasn’t lonely anymore.

Isabella had comfortably curled up on the other pillow, and, with a yawn, I climbed into the bed beside her, pulling the covers over my body. It had been a long time since I felt truly at peace, and with my mother sitting on the end of the bed, it seemed like it had been achieved, if only momentarily.

I did not want to lose them. I did not want to lose that sense of peace and happiness I had finally obtained, surrounded by my family, the family I’d never had. And for them, I swore, for them, I’d do anything if it meant protecting that frail sense of happiness.

My mother smoothed down my hair, placing a hand over mine gently as she smiled.

“We were all worried about you dear. Your father and I, when you disappeared– we went out countless times, looking for you. We thought that–” Her voice stalled, but she pushed ahead. “We thought that you’d never return to us. And yet, you did. Alive and well. Able to walk, able to talk, able to fight– gods, if I had known my sickly son would return to me on his own two feet, I’d have been a devout follower for this miracle…”

Tears rolled down her cheeks, but they were ones of happiness, I felt. My hand slid over her cheek, wiping away any strays before they could roll down her face. Before I knew it, I felt tears pricking the back of my eyelids as well. I tried to force them down, to choke back the sob I knew was coming. I had locked away all the emotions from Meryll and Diana’s deaths, trying my hardest not to feel them where they hurt the most because I had bigger problems, bigger things to worry about.

But here, in the comfort of my mother’s embrace, I could bawl my heart out for no one but her and Isabella to hear. There was no one after me. My words of comfort towards her descended into cries of pure anguish, ripping from the back of my throat as tears streamed down my face. My throat had tightened, making words impossible.

My mother pulled me closer, rubbing circles into my back, singing lullabies to try and calm me. Her voice was barely above a whisper, and very, very soft as she spoke to me.

“There, there.” She said. “To tell the truth, I know you’re hiding something from me. From us– about what really happened whilst you were gone. The strength and emotional maturity you’ve acquired doesn’t simply come from nowhere, and not at the rate you’ve gained it.”

“W-what?”

“But I trust you, Atlas Reyes,” She continued. “I trust you to tell us whenever you’re ready to let us know. You’re in one piece– though, the scars on your knuckles and your calloused hand would indicate that it didn't happen without a fight.”

“...”

“If you’re going to keep secrets from us, that’s fine. Some things aren’t meant to be shared, and as a mother, it’s important I give you space, especially as you’re growing up. But, my darling, my beautiful boy, I want you to know that you will always have a place here, with us. Even if the entire world has turned its back on you, even when the odds are against you, you will always have a home to return to.”

My crying slowly but surely subsided at her words. It was likely something I needed to hear, quite frankly. That no matter what, I was supported. No matter what I was going through, no matter who was against me, I always had somewhere to return to.

“You will always have your roots, Atlas. When you are lost, remember who you are. Remember who helped you when you needed it, remember all those that put their trust and faith in you. Do not forget that no matter where in this world you may be, however far away from us you may be, those people are always with you.”

She smiled, gave me a kiss on the forehead, and left the room, giving me a warm smile before shutting the door behind her.

That night, my sleep was dreamless.