Death: Genesis

“How far is it?” Zeke asked, glancing back the way they’d come. They had been following a game trail for a couple of miles, which meant that their companions were well beyond shouting range. If he and Abby got into trouble, they wouldn’t be able to count on the others for help. Even Pudge was off exploring a cave that he’d said, “smelled interesting,” whatever that meant. The thought had been accompanied by a host of vague impressions, but Zeke was ill-equipped to make much sense of the jumbled thoughts. However, given that Pudge had continued to grow and now exceeded an Earthen grizzly bear in size, Zeke wasn’t too worried about his friend. He was a little nervous about being alone with Abby, though.

Zeke knew precisely how silly it was. The pair had been sleeping together for a few months now. But aside from their death defying adventures, they hadn’t really been alone for quite some time. In the cottage, there was always someone close by, and like any communal living situation, privacy wasn’t a realistic expectation. As miraculous as the cottage was, sound carried extremely well through its walls – a fact that was exacerbated by everyone’s enhanced senses. Nothing happened in that house without everyone knowing about it, which made the entire circumstance a bit suffocating, at least in terms of privacy.

But out here in the woods, with no one else around for miles and miles? The couple might’ve been the last two people in the Radiant Isles, and Zeke found the solitude both disconcerting and comforting. The former, because, as long as they had been companions, he and Abby hadn’t really shared that many conversations that didn’t directly involve their plans for the future, fighting monsters, or how to deal with the speed bumps along the way. Zeke knew Abby on a fundamental level. During the course of their partnership, her character had been laid bare, just as his had been for her. They had connected in a way that exceeded the superficial depth that had confined his previous relationships. He hesitated to even think of those brief high school flings in those terms anymore. They hadn’t mattered – not in the grand scope of his life. Or even in the moment, really. They had been the product of expectations, and even now, he struggled to remember much about his previous girlfriends.

However, there was something to be said for superficiality. Zeke wasn’t so inexperienced that he thought it was a good idea to base an entire relationship on it, but it did serve to deepen the bond. Or at the very least, it would give them something to talk about that didn’t concern hopping from one crisis to the next.

For now, though, Zeke was terrified that Abby would discover something she didn’t like. What if they just weren’t compatible? What if things didn’t go well, and it drove a wedge between them? Zeke didn’t want to go through this world alone. He wanted Abby right there with him, standing shoulder to shoulder as they made a place for themselves. He wanted it to last.

One of Zeke’s worst fears was that he would end up back in a similar situation as he’d been in when he had been reborn. Not in a troll-infested cave, exactly; rather, he was terrified of spending so much time with only himself for company. Looking back, he knew he’d come close to breaking, and it had taken him the better part of a year to feel even remotely normal. Even now, every stray noise, regardless of how big or small, woke him up at night. And more than once, he’d had nightmares about wall crawlers wrapping their tentacles around him. Or of being butchered and eaten by remorseless trolls.

He could handle those fears, though. They were rational. Natural, even. Wall crawlers were terrifying creatures, and he’d found himself on the business end of the source of that fear on more than one occasion. And trolls were similar, especially considering what he’d seen in that troll larder so long ago. The same could be said for a dozen other murderous monsters he’d encountered in those troll caves. However, that fear of being alone wasn’t something he knew how to fight. It was ephemeral and amorphous, and he had absolutely zero notion of how to combat it. The only thing that comforted him was the proximity of his companions – chiefly, Abby and Pudge.

It was one of the reasons he’d insisted upon keeping Talia and Tucker around. Aside from the fact that they both needed help, Zeke was so afraid of being alone that he kept accumulating strays. Could he once again endure being stranded alone? Probably. He wasn’t the sort to give in. However, there was every chance that he’d lose his mind in the process. After all, he’d been close before, and that was when he’d had the overall shock of being reborn into a new world to dull the sting of losing everything and everyone he’d ever known. Even then, he’d spent much of his time reminiscing about his horrible father and his unique upbringing. Now, though, in a curious turn of events, he felt he had more to lose. His life in the Radiant Isles felt more real than anything he’d experienced back on Earth.

Those thoughts and fears occupied Zeke’s mind as Abby grabbed his hand, saying, “It’s not far, and it’s totally worth it. You’ll see.”

With that, she tugged him along as they descended the steep slope of the mountain path. Around them, evergreen trees stretched toward the sky, and various rocks and boulders obscured the forest floor. The rest of the area was covered in thick undergrowth, a result of the area’s incessant rainfall. According to Tucker, when they’d crested the ridgeline, they’d crossed into a temperate rainforest. He had described it as not dissimilar from the Pacific northwest. To Zeke, though, who’d grown up in the sub-tropical climate of lower Alabama, it felt a little like coming home. The dampness, the humidity, and the constant drizzle wasn’t so different from where he’d lived for most of his life. It was markedly colder, with frost and ice covering the area on most mornings, but the combination of his high endurance, evolved race, and ice resistance took the bite out of the chill air, making the trek mostly pleasant – primarily because Abby had already cleared any underbrush that obscured the trail.

Gradually, they made their way through the forest, and Zeke soon heard the rushing sound of water. A few minutes later, they came out of the forest to see a small waterfall with a pond at its base.

“It…it’s beautiful,” Zeke said, taking in the picturesque scene. Falling in tiers, with heavy tree trunks spanning its narrow width, it wasn’t the majestic image Zeke would’ve conjured when he thought of a waterfall. However, what it lacked in majesty, it more than made up for in sheer vibrance. Its banks were enveloped in a verdant, green moss that coated the rocks in the middle of the stream as well. Trees had fallen across the stream’s narrow width, and from their trunks grew tiny, blue flowers that glowed with their own light. Beneath the white, foaming surface of the rushing stream were luminescent fish tiny and moving so quickly that they looked almost like tracers. Finally, floating, red lights, each no bigger than Zeke’s thumbnail, drifted in the air.

Abby stepped closer, leaning into him. “I thought you’d like it,” she said. Pointing at the lights, she explained, “Those are wisps. Not many people ever see them in the wild.”

“Why not? Are they that rare?” he asked.

“No, no – nothing like that,” she said. “It’s just that they’re really useful to crafters. When you kill them, they drop these tiny gems. They’re not beast cores, but they’re attuned to a specific element. Like these are fire wisps, so if you want to make, say, a weapon that has a fire effect or enhances fire skills, you’d crush their gems down into a powder, and, well, you get the idea.”

Zeke held up a hand, and one of the wisps alighted onto it. It was nothing more than a ball of light, but it still had weight. He twisted his hand around, and the tiny creature tickled its way to his palm. “Not much survival instinct,” he said.

“Another reason they’re popular for crafters,” she said. “There are whole farms where specialized workers grow them. They’re not as potent as wild wisps, but…well, they make up for it in numbers.”

“Quantity over quality,” Zeke said, continuing to play with the creature. Another joined the first, and then another after that. After only a second, Zeke’s entire hand was enveloped in a soothing, red glow.

“Something like that,” was her response.

Zeke shook his hand, and the wisps flew away. Looking behind him, Zeke found a small boulder that could accommodate them both, and he sat down. Abby joined him, her hand finding his. For a few moments, they just sat there, taking in the natural beauty of the scene before them. After spending the last few weeks rushing from one instance of mortal danger to another, it was imminently relaxing to just sit and enjoy a few moments of peace. Especially when he had Abby leaning against him, her head on his shoulder.

Finally, he said, “It’s easy, isn’t it?”

“What?” she asked, her voice languid.

“To get lost in the killing,” was his response. “The looting. The experience. Everything about this world seems like it’s pushing us into becoming…something I don’t want to become. Every problem seems so much easier to solve if you just attack it head-on. We tried to do the right thing with that giant. We let her go, and we were going to head our own way. But then she had to ruin it, didn’t she? Why? Why couldn’t she just take the freedom and run with it?”

“You know why,” Abby said. “If someone doomed your entire race to extinction, you’d want to kill that person, too. She was justified in what she did.”

“So, you still think we should have just let them keep him?” he asked.

“No,” was Abby’s surprising response. “As much as I argued against it, I think we made the right choice. You would’ve never been able to live with yourself if you left him behind.”

Zeke didn’t miss her wording. She would have been fine leaving Tucker behind, but she wasn’t willing to accept what it would do to him. That had to be enough, didn’t it?

“Look,” Abby said. “I need to tell you something, and you’re not going to like it.”

He turned, locking eyes with her. For a second, he didn’t respond, but then, finally, he said, “What is it?”

She glanced down at the mossy ground, her ponytail bobbing with the motion. Her shoulders slumped, and she took a deep breath before turning back to him and saying, “Lately, I’ve…I don’t know…I feel so powerless.”

“You’re not –”

“I know,” Abby said, her knuckles whitening as she clenched her fists in frustration. “I know, okay? I know I’m not powerless. There are millions of people out there that could only dream of doing what I can do.”

“I don’t understand,” Zeke admitted.

“I didn’t expect you to,” Abby stated. “But that’s because you’re you. You don’t even think about where you stand in the hierarchy of power. Because you know. You know that, even if someone should be stronger than you, you’re going to come out on top.”

“That’s not how it is,” Zeke said. “I’ve been beaten plenty of times. I can’t tell you how many times I had to run from trolls in the caves, and –”

“But who ended up winning in the long run?” she asked.

“I did, but –”

“That’s my point, Zeke,” she said, looking him in the eye. She felt tears forming, but she wouldn’t let them come. “I don’t have whatever it is that lets you think like that. It’s never about whether or not you’ll get through whatever battle you find. You worry about us, instead. And right now, I’m not up to the task. Do you have any idea how useless I’ve felt since fighting the giants? I could barely even hurt them, much less make any headway in that battle. Talia did more than me. So did Pudge. Even Tucker, stripped down to his underwear, made more of a difference.”

“You’ll get stronger,” Zeke said. “We all will.”

“It’s not enough,” Abby responded. This time, she couldn’t keep the tears from falling down her cheek. “I’m so afraid…I’m afraid you’ll…I just don’t want you to suddenly realize that you don’t need me anymore.”

“W-what?” he asked, taken aback. “I would never…”

“You say that now,” Abby said. “But what about in a year? Two? When you keep getting further and further ahead? When you keep having to drag me along, even when I can’t even begin to pull my own weight? How much will you resent me?”

He sighed, running his hand through his short hair. “Listen,” he said. “I’m not that guy. I’ll never be that guy. That’s who my dad was. It’s funny. I could have forgiven him for the way he treated me. All the beatings. Even the way he hit my mom, I guess. I know I shouldn’t think like that, but…well, he was my dad. Even now, it doesn’t seem as bad as I know it was. But do you know what was really unforgivable? The way he treated Tommy. He never hit Tommy, you know? He barely even acted like he existed. And that was so much worse. To my dad, Tommy was just…defective. Not worth caring about. The moment Tommy got sick, dad just moved on.”

Zeke stood, rubbing the back of his neck and taking a couple of steps away. He turned back to face Abby, continuing, “For most of my life, I tried everything I could to make him happy. Even the smallest compliment was enough to push me just a step further. I told myself that if I was good enough, he’d…he wouldn’t always be so angry with me. It wasn’t until I got a little older that I realized that none of us really mattered. He was always mad because he hated himself and his life. He only cared about us as far as what we could do for him. Tommy couldn’t do anything for him, so he just didn’t register anymore. Same thing happened to me after I got hurt.”

“I…I’m sorry,” Abby said.

“Thanks,” was Zeke’s response. “But my point is that I don’t want to be anything like him. Sure, I want you to be stronger. But it’s not so I don’t have to slow down or anything. It’s because I want you to be happy. I’m not going to say we’ll be together forever. But I won’t ever leave you behind because of something like this. That would make me like him.”

“The messed up thing is that I already knew all of that,” Abby said. “I know you’re not that kind of person. But I still can’t stop thinking about.”

“I…I don’t know what else to say,” Zeke stated. “I don’t know what you want me to do.”

“That’s the problem, isn’t it? You can’t do anything,” Abby responded. “This is my issue, and I’ve got to figure out how to get past. I know that’s hard for you. You see a problem, and your first instinct is to smack it with your club. This isn’t something you can beat into submission, though. Neither of us can. I just have to figure out how to fix it myself. Or live with it.”

For a long moment, Zeke didn’t answer. He knew she was right, but that knowledge didn’t make it any easier to accept that there were some problems he just couldn’t fix. Even if he could somehow make her stronger, it wouldn’t be a real solution. She needed to find her own way to either gain enough power that she didn’t feel useless, or a way to accept that her worth wasn’t tied to how many monsters she could kill. And she needed to find it on her own. Otherwise, the progress would be meaningless.

Finally, he sighed, “Is this one of those situations where you just want someone to listen? I’m not supposed to offer solutions, am I?”

Abby smiled. “You’re pretty smart sometimes,” she said.

“Just sometimes?” he asked.

“I stand by the statement,” was her sarcastic reply. “Now that I’ve ruined our afternoon with my own feelings of inadequacy, how about we move on and have a picnic? It’ll be nice not to think about that stuff for a while.”

Zeke smiled, and in only a minute or two, he’d retrieved a blanket and some food he’d been saving for just such an occasion. Abby punched him in the arm, saying, “You’ve been holding back, haven’t you? You’ve had all of this in your storage since Bastion?”

“I’ve actually got a lot more,” he said. “I had Mags working overtime while we were there. She cooked so many ribs.”

“So, why have we been eating rations and monster meat all this time?” she asked with a raised eyebrow, helping herself to one of the racks of ribs Zeke had pulled out of his storage. It was still piping hot, like it had come out of the smoker only a few minutes ago.

“Mags’ barbecue is a special occasion kind of meal, isn’t it?” he said. Sweeping his hand around, he asked, “And what’s more special than this?”

Abby gestured with a rib, pointing at him as she said, “You’ve definitely got a point. I’ll forgive you. This time. But I expect the ribs to keep coming.”

He grinned. “As you wish.”

She laughed. “Is that going to be our thing, now? Princess Bride quotes?” she asked. “I’m not complaining or anything. Just asking.”

“Seemed appropriate,” Zeke said, blushing a bit.

“You’re not wrong,” was her response. “You are definitely not wrong.”