Bum Magic: A Tale of Sludge and Slime

I probably spent half an hour slowly trudging into the woods, but I ran back out in less than five minutes. My body cut through the brush and vines and paved a nice path for the next bum who might want to sleep behind the Motel 6.

Mickey’s hotel room door was cracked open, and he was nowhere to be seen. God only knew what that man was up to. I didn’t think he would hurt Caleb or Anita — at the very least because he knew I would kick his ass if he did. But I never knew what Mickey was going to do next, and that was especially true now. I should’ve known better than to leave that son of a bitch unsupervised.

I turned around and went back into the night, into the barely-existing town. The tallest structure in the entire town was a water tower that had “Arkadelphia: It’s a great place to call home!” proudly displayed across its front. I had my doubts about that. There has never been a great place to live whose name ended in “delphia”.

It wasn’t hard to find where he had run off to. As late as it was, almost everything would certainly be closed, but lo and behold, right next to the Motel 6 there was a building buzzing with activity with a sign on the side featuring a cowgirl and “Betty’s BIG Country Dance Hall” in the Cracker Barrel font.

Betty wasn’t lying; the building was big. It looked like it used to be a warehouse, but now the one giant room housed a band of old men with white beards and cowboy hats playing an upbeat country tune and a crowd of people huddled together, dancing in unison. Somewhere in the middle of that crowd, Mickey was doing his best to follow the steps of the two women next to him. I almost didn’t notice him because he had acquired a black cowboy hat from somewhere and it covered half of his face, but his gap-toothed smile gave him away.

He saw me and waved for me to come over. I did, making sure to stand on the outside of the crowd to avoid getting sucked in by the gravity of the line dance. I’d be god-damned if I was going to do the fucking Tush Push.

“Come on dude, have some fun!” Mickey said. He tried to pivot at the same time as the rest of the group and almost fell on his ass — the man was clearly sloshed. I was just glad he wasn’t robbing anyone, to be honest.

“No, I don’t think I will,” I said. “Bright lights, noise, people — it’s really not my style.”

He stepped out of the mass of people and stumbled into me.

“What is your style?” he said. “Sitting in the dark until sunrise? I’m guessing you’ve figured it out too. I don’t think we have to sleep anymore. Isn’t that fuckin’ awesome? We can rock and roll all night and party every day.” He picked up a glass of beer from an empty table and downed it — I was not convinced that that was his beer. “You heard what that psychic lady said. We’re both fucked. Might as well enjoy being alive while we can.”

“I don’t know what to think about it, to tell you the truth,” I said. “It doesn’t feel right to not have to sleep.” We walked together to the bar in the right-hand corner of the room, and I ordered a double shot of whiskey. I threw it back and shivered a little as the cheap, lukewarm alcohol burned its way down my throat.

“You believe that old fraud?” I said, though my opinion of her changed by the minute.

“I don’t know, but it’s a good excuse to get fucked up,” he said.

“When have you ever needed an excuse to get fucked up?”

“Never.”

He found another beer and downed it, spilling some on his face. I don’t know why he felt the need to drink half cups of flat beer when he had a shit load of cash in the van – maybe he got a thrill from stealing other people's shit, or maybe he did it for the same reason I couldn't sleep indoors. You can take the bum out of the tent under the bridge, but you can't take the tent under the bridge out of the bum.

“Ya know, those two girls I was dancin’ with were mighty friendly. I think you and I should go talk to ‘em. I think that's exactly what you need, Gus: a girl,” Mickey said, nudging me in the ribs with his elbow. The two girls were still dancing, but they were looking straight at us while doing it. They were good looking, I won't lie. One was a short brunette with her hair up in a messy bun and a huge smile with big teeth that looked like they belonged in someone else's mouth. The other was taller with sharp features, and had ginger hair that went down to her ass. But none of that mattered to me.

“I had a girl, remember?” I said through gritted teeth. “You know, Beth? The girl who's dead because you're a goddamn moron. Ring any fucking bells?”

His smile vanished and his eyes turned hard.

“Come on, how long are you going to hold that against me?” Mickey said. “I said I'm sorry. It's not like I knew the bottle was filled with fuckin’ superhero juice.”

“Some things are unforgivable, even if you didn't mean to do them,” I said. “I’m gonna go sit in a dark room until sunrise.”

I turned around to leave, but Mickey put his hand on my chest to stop me.

“You're really gonna try to kill me once this is all said and done?” he asked. He looked at me with dead eyes; it was a look he had frequently when he had had too much to drink. I smacked his hand away.

“Did you think I was fucking joking with you?” I said.

Things were tense at Betty's BIG Country Dance Hall. For a second, I wondered if he was going to try to kill me right there, in front of a crowd of people. It wouldn't have been too surprising.

But to my surprise, a tear rolled down his cheek.

“Alright,” he said, “if that's how it's gonna be, I think it's best if you go your way, and I go mine. I'll see you again at the end, Gus.”

He left without saying anything else.