Born of Silicon

Oscar has finally woken up in the time I was downstairs with Hummingbird. He gives me a small nod as I pass by his desk.

The courtyard is so much fuller than when I first walked through this morning. The guards are awake, and the sounds of chatting and laughing reach my ears as I walk. When they notice me most of their conversation goes silent and games pause. They stare at me as I walk and I can hear their whispers but not their words. 

I open Jade’s warehouse and am met with the sounds of gunfire. A burst and then silence, casing bouncing along the ground. Each shot marks the end to someone's life. The bullets get louder, closer with every passing moment. I caused this, I killed them. 

I rip myself back to reality. I can’t stay here frozen, letting my emotions take control of me. I have to look like an android, I can’t be alive right now. Having a breakdown would get us all killed.

I close the door and turn around, headed to my room. The whispers grow in volume as I walk past again, their voices morphing into familiar sounds from familiar people. Words filled with pure hatred and malice. 

Somehow I make it to the front door and walk up the stairs. I don’t even glance at Oscar, but I’m sure he wants to say something to me. I just need to make it upstairs and find my room.

Once I reach the third floor and head towards my room, familiar voices quietly filter out of the room next to mine.

“Will you at least talk to her?” Vince’s voice is muffled by the door.

“No! Have you lost your mind?” Cassie yells back at Vince. While Vince was trying to stay quiet, Cassie’s loud voice is impossible to miss. I shouldn’t eavesdrop.

“Cassie.” Vince says gently.

“I said no! Here, let me go off into the wastes and find a copy of Mara and tell you to fucking deal with it. Let’s see how you do then.” 

I run into my sparse room and drop onto my tiny bed. I don’t want to hear this. The walls are too thin. I could shut my ears off, but my need to know is too powerful. 

“I’m not asking you to accept her. I’m just asking you to talk.”

“Why should I have to? Why should I have to risk our lives on your fucking savior complex, and I don’t get a say in it!”

“She reminds me of when I first found you.” 

I need to tell them to stop talking. I have to tell them that I can hear everything. I run towards their door, but am too slow to hear a few more lines.

“Bullshit! I’m nothing like that thing.”

“You still think that even after seeing her bury her parents?”

“Don’t you fucking dare.” Cassie growls at him. “That thing does not have parents. Don’t even-” 

I cut her off with a knock on the door. 

“We’re busy.” Cassie yells through the door. I knock again. If I tell them what’s happening, other people might hear me talk. They might be able to figure out what I am. I can’t risk that.

“I said we’re fucking busy!” She yells as she rips the door open. She stares at me for just a moment before she recognizes who I am. She throws a quick punch at my face. I can see it coming, but let it connect. I deserve it. The force of it sends me reeling, slamming against the wall behind me. 

“I’m sorry. I could hear you talking. I didn’t want to spy.” I whisper just loud enough for her to hear. Hopefully it’s quiet enough to be muffled by the walls.

“How much did you hear?” She hisses through clenched teeth.

People start to come out of their rooms to see what the commotion is. Vince puts a firm hand on Cassie’s shoulder.

“Will you two get in here?” He says seriously, gently guiding Cassie into her room, waiting for me to follow. I do. Once the door closes behind me Cassie presses on a small intercom on the wall.

“What, Hummingbird, you thought it would be just hilarious to not tell us about an unwanted guest?”

“Sorry! I was going to, really! But she went into her room and I thought that was the end of things.”

“I’ll let you know in the future whenever she’s even remotely near you!” Trochilidae adds in cheerfully.

I take in Cassie’s room in an instant. The same size as all the others, but hers has a queen bed, instead of my single. It takes up so much room there’s barely enough space for the three of us to stand. The rest of the room is taken up by a small dresser and a shelving unit full of books, a lamp, and progressively larger sets of robotic legs. The smallest ones would fit a child. I stand there awkwardly by the door, unsure of what to do.

“Did you really have to hit her?” Vince asks.

“Yes! And I feel much better, thank you very much.” She says back to him, completely ignoring me. 

“I’m sorry I’m here, Cassie. I only heard about a dozen sentences before I could knock on the door.” I explain quietly.

“Oh yeah, and I’m sure there’s no way you could have stopped me earlier.” She won’t even look at me.

“I tried to not listen! I went into my room first but could still hear you.”

“You really gave her Drew’s old room?” She asks Vince.

“Silver did, not me.”

“Of course they did! Sounds like their decision is ready made then.” Cassie drops onto her bed.

“Pretty much, sorry Cassie.” Vince tells her softly. “But you know we need a hacker. They aren’t really in large supply.”

“Of course you would side with that thing.” She says, gesturing to me. 

“I’m not siding with anyone, Cassie!” Vince’s voice raises just over a whisper for the first time. “I’m doing what we’ve always done. Help as many people as we can.”

“It’s not a person! It’s not even stable! The second we all let our guards down, it’s going to stab us in the back! Hell, it already tried to get us killed in the storm!”

“I’m sorry.” I say weakly. I don’t want to be here.

“Oh you’re sorry? Well that makes the attempted assassination all better! Why didn’t you just say that at the beginning?” She looks at me for the first time, anger burning in her emerald eyes.

“The dark is hard. I’m sorry.” I say, opening the door and backing out quickly. I close the door before she has a chance to respond. Everyone who checked out the hallway has gone back into their room. I guess at least they can stop from eavesdropping. 

Luckily my crying in my room blocks out the sound of their continued conversation. A few minutes another knock at my door brings me to my senses once again.

“It’s Ivy.”

What does she want with someone like me?

“May I come in?” She asks after I don’t respond.

“I guess.”

She lets herself in and sits down next to me, pulling my head onto her lap. She begins to run her hand through my tanged, patchwork hair.

“I’m not a fan of my neighbor crying.”

“Sorry.” I say quietly. “I’ll try to be quieter.”

“That’s not going to fix the problem, I have very good hearing. Now, why don’t you tell me what your problem is?”

“Cassie hates me.”

“Well she was right, you did try to kill us.” She says without judgment.

“You listened in? What’s the point of keeping what I am secret when everyone can listen in?”

“Not everyone has good ears, and anyone who can overhear knows to keep their mouths shut. Anyway, back to you trying to kill everyone.”

“I didn’t try to. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, explain.” Her voice is smooth and calm, a comforting river I could get swept away in.

“I didn’t see light for almost 40 years. I had only been awake for less than 24 hours when I got locked in the dark. I’ve only been able to move for less than one ten-thousandth of my life.” I can’t believe I’m already getting used to sharing my story. As long as what I don’t think about what I say it’s not hard to let it spill out.

“Every birthday my once family and only friends would torture me. I don’t think it was real, but it felt real in the moment. It doesn’t matter how much I prepare or how much I try to deny what’s happening, I can’t stop them. You could just be another hallucination and I’d never know.”

“You guys arrived on my birthday and I still don’t know if this is just another trick! Every time it gets dark they pull at me, trying to drag me back to that place. They want me back and I can’t. I haven’t blinked since you opened the door just in case I find myself back there when I do. They were in that sandstorm, making me join them in the void.”

“Ok, and how do we fix that?” She asks simply.

“I don’t know!”

“If you come out with us, we’re going to get hit by more sandstorms. It’s not common but it does happen. Can we turn you off?”

“No! I can’t do that. I was so afraid of going to sleep and never waking up that I suffered for so long. I can’t go to sleep and wake up back there.”

“Fine. What about tying you up and turning off your voice?” She offers.

“I’ve spent enough time tied up. It would just make things worse. So much worse.” I’m not sure my mind could handle that.

“You’ve got to work with us.” Even after all this there’s no hint of annoyance in her voice.

Which miserable experience would be the easiest to experience? Sleeping is out of the question, I’m not closing my eyes under any circumstances. There’s no chance I could settle my mind for long enough to do it anyway.

“I guess we can get a switch installed to turn off my limbs. It’s just so scary to trust that you’ll turn it back on.”

“I know.” She says, starting to untangle what remains of my hair. “What about the AI war?” She asks, changing the topic.

“I don’t know anything about it.”

“That’s fine. Have any calling to kill all humans or anything?”

“No! No, I don’t want to hurt anyone. I don’t even know if I could hold a gun right now.” I can barely even think about them without breaking down.

"Let's find out.” 

She reaches into her tall boot, pulling out a revolver. She holds the handle in front of me, silently waiting for me to take it. I wrap my hands around it and a little bit of my training bubbles to the surface of my mind. Swing the cylinder open, use the ejector rod. Ensure it’s empty. Swing the cylinder closed, put the gun down. Even holding an empty gun is too much for me.

“I’ll take that as no murderous intents? That’s good. We do have to defend ourselves out there, but I think we’ve all had enough with killing.”

“I don’t want to shoot anyone. I couldn’t even shoot human shaped targets, and normal ones were bad enough.” 

“There are creatures that survive out in the sands. You’ll have to shoot something eventually, even if it’s not people.” She makes no motion to pick the gun back up. “Why don’t you tell me what the lab members were like when they were alive.”

“Ok, I guess. Technically they were all my parents. But I only really liked two of them. Kara was my mom, she was my favorite. And then I was starting to like Finn when, well. Yeah.” I let that sentence fade off into nothing. The rest of it doesn’t need to be said. 

“Kara always had my back, no matter what. She’s not like that anymore though. That’s what hurts the most. Her last words before she died were to tell me I would always be her daughter, although her ghost has drilled the fact that she regrets that into me every chance she gets. I think I’d like to keep her exact final words to myself.” I say my entire explanation without crying. I’m just too numb at this point to feel anything. 

“How is any of this going to make Cassie not hate me?” I ask her. 

“Remember how I said we keep a close eye on those with exceptional hearing?” She asks, thumping on the wall separating my room from Cassie’s.

“Shut up!” Her voice comes clearly through the wall. 

“Do you want to come in here and talk with her?” Ivy asks calmly at a normal speaking voice.

“No! I don’t!”

Ivy turns her attention back to me.

“Sit up Blue, I need to fix the other side of your hair.”

Ivy and I sit there in silence while she works, there’s nothing more to say. Not even the smallest sound comes through the wall. After a few minutes Ivy begins to hum while working on my hair.

“I’ve never heard music before.” Tears finally begin to flow down my face. After bearing my heart to her and feeling nothing, a simple tune is all it takes to make me bawl. Ivy holds me close and sings her simple song. Her singing is soon replaced by music being played from next door.