Bi The Way

Rodney's fingers curled into his comforter, clenching the fabric as if it could be ripped away from him at any moment. His alarm blared as the numbers flashed, making it feel like a police car was parked inside his room. Rodney watched the flashing number in silence feeling heavy. How could he go to school knowing Derek was still not talking to him, Ally broke his heart and Parker wasn't there anymore.

"Get up, Rodney," he muttered to himself, finally reaching out and turning off the alarm. He forced himself upright and stumbled his way through his room as he got dressed. He only paused for a minute when he noticed on his way out of his room to look at the photo of himself with Ally at Canada's Wonderland, it stung to see how happy they used to be together.

The kitchen was no sanctuary. As he made breakfast he knocked over a box of bran flakes, reminding him of the time Parker went on a rant about how it was the worst cereal of all time before pouring himself a bowl. Rodney poured himself a bowl but couldn't bring himself to eat it. He could almost hear Parker's laughter at some silly joke, see the sparkle in those green eyes.

"Stupid... It's just food." Rodney pushed the bowl away, appetite vanishing.

He sat on the couch to watch some anime to put his mind at ease and there in the corner was the ugly old rainbow throw pillow Ally seemed to love. She always insisted on that spot, snuggled up with her feet tucked under her.

"I miss the way things used to be," he thought, sinking into the cushions.

He tried to focus on the show, watching the intense battle between rival ninja factions but his mind was elsewhere. A memory popped into his mind: him, Parker, and Ally, arms slung around each other at last year's school play, You Can't Take It With You, smiles wide and carefree as they laughed along with the show. Rodney's heart clenched; he turned off the TV.

"Enough!" He muttered, tired of his own intrusive thoughts. He stood abruptly, he was going to get rid of all these distressing feelings if it killed him.

"Time to purge," Rodney decided, if it was good enough for every breakup in a movie ever, it was good enough for him. He scoured the house for any reminders of his past relationships—Parker's old sweater, a CD Ally had made, movie ticket stubs, doodles on napkins, all the items that caused him to feel empty inside.

Are you really going to burn everything? He asked himself, stacking the items haphazardly into a garbage can out back. His hands trembled slightly, not from the chill in the air but from the uncertainty twisting in his gut. Did he really want to part with all these memories?

With another look down into the old trash can, he made his decision "I have to let go and move on," Rodney reminded himself, trying to shake off the doubt. "This is the right move."

Is it though? The question hung unanswered as he wondered if getting rid of any of their stuff would actually help him move on. The arm of the sweater hung over the side of the can, it still carried the faint scent of Parker's cologne. He thought about keeping it after all Parker had to move, it wasn't his choice. He fingered the edges of a ticket stub as he made his choice, he would feel like a bit of creep hanging onto his ex's sweater.

"Alright, let's do this," he whispered, as he removed the matchbox from his pocket. He struck a match, watching the flame flicker in the light breeze.

"Goodbye, Parker. Goodbye, Ally," he exhaled, dropping the match into the can.

The fire caught quickly, greedily devouring the surprisingly flammable items in the can. Rodney watched, thankful his family were all working this fine Saturday so they couldn't see this. He felt a strange relief mingling with heartache and each piece turned to ash, but the memory that went with it seemed to only grow stronger.

"Stupid... this is...," he muttered under his breath, observing the flames dancing.

The fire crackled and then Rodney watched as the fabric of the sleeve finally gave out and it fell to the grass. The wind began to pick up, whisking the embers from the sleeve across the grass, and causing the lightweight trash can to wobble. Rodney leaned in, as the trash can began to spin and tip.

"Wait—no, no, NO!" His voice spiked in panic as it became clear the silver can was about to tip over, spilling its flaming contents onto the yard. embers drifted through the wind, igniting patches of dry grass as they settled.

"Shit!" Rodney scrambled back, snatching his phone from his pocket. Fumbling, he dialed 911 with trembling fingers.

"911, what's your emergency?"

"Uh, hi, yeah—I've got a fire here, and it's spreading, and I didn't mean to, and—"

"Sir, calm down. Address?"

"52 Ontario Street. Hurry, please!"

"Units are on their way. Stay on the line."

Rodney held the hose out in front of him, attempting to keep the flames at bay. He glanced around, aware suddenly of the eyes upon him. Neighbors emerged from their homes, called by the black smoke billowing from the property, each with their smartphones at the ready.

"Hey, isn't that Rodney?" one murmured to another, digital eye unblinking as it captured every moment.

"What the hell were you trying to do kid?" came a call from the small crowd.

Sirens wailed in the distance, growing louder, as Rodney begged for the day to be over already. Red and blue lights illuminated the sides of the homes as the fire truck roared onto the scene. Firefighters, spilled out of the truck, moving with practiced precision.

"Back up, kid!" one of them called out to Rodney, who was still dousing the flames with the garden hose, unable to pull himself away from the disaster he caused.

"Sorry, sorry," Rodney stumbled back, tripping over his own feet in his haste.

Hoses unfurled, water arced through the air, and with a hiss and steaming protest, the fire was extinguished. A firefighter approached Rodney, helmet under arm, revealing a face marked with soot.

"What exactly happened here?" he asked, not unkindly.

"Well..uh, I was just trying to—" Rodney wasn't exactly sure how to explain he was burning his ex's things without sounding like he lost his marbles but as a blackened photo of him and Ally passed them on the breeze, the firefighter seemed to get it.

"Let go of some stuff? You'd be surprised how often we get a call like this. But next time, if you don't have a fire pit up to regulations don't do it, alright? A garbage truck can just as easily take care of it."

"I'm really sorry about this," Rodney said, trying not to make eye contact.

"It's alright but it could've been worse," the firefighter clapped him on the shoulder. "We'll let you off with a warning this time, please be more careful."

"Thank you," Rodney managed, all too aware of his neighbors now whispering and pointing as they retreated to their homes, video evidence in tow.

"Anytime, kid. Let's hope the day turns around for you." The firefighter flashed him a brief smile before heading back to his team.

Rodney stood there, alone in the aftermath, wondering how he was going to explain this to his mom when she got home. The firefighter's words replayed in his mind: 'Could've been worse.' Yet, as he looked at the scorch marks on the yard, Rodney wasn't entirely sure how.

-----

On Monday, Rodney shuffled through the school hallways, his shoulders hunched as he tried not to draw attention to himself. He had seen the video of the fire on his feed and hoped no one had realized it was him. "Hey, have you seen that video of the guy who set his lawn on fire?" a voice rang out from a cluster of students by the lockers.

"Totally lost it over an ex I heard," another snickered, eyes darting towards Rodney as if he was about to make the connection.

Rodney could feel his cheeks burn, not with the flames of the fire, but with embarrassment. His face wasn't visible in any of the videos, he checked, but he felt like it was only a matter of time until someone figured it out.

"Rodney!" Madison called out as she made her way through the crowded hallway toward him. Her dark eyes were full of concern and Rodney knew she had cracked the code even before she said it.

"Have you seen this?" She tilted her phone towards him, the screen displaying the now-infamous video of his backyard inferno. "This is you right? Everyone at school is trying to figure it out."

He winced as her words confirmed his worst fears. "Yeah it's me but I wasn't trying to cause a blaze," Rodney muttered, trying to make sure no one else could hear his confession.

"Holy shit! Is this because Parker you know... ?" Madison's expression changed to a softer more concerned look.

"Well, it was a little bit about that and a little bit about Ally." He explained, "I just feel like I have been losing friends left and right, It's like I just moved here all over again," he glanced at the moving images that had made him a spectacle.

"I'm sorry Rod. But hey, people here have the attention span of goldfish," Madison said, pocketing her phone. "No one will remember that video in a week. All you need is a distraction to get you through this rough patch."

"What kind of distraction?" He asked, skepticism lacing his tone. "Should I start a band called 'Rodney and the Ashes'?"

"Let's call that our plan B." Madison's lips curled into a mischievous smile. "But you are pretty talented with that guitar and your voice isn't that bad either. So why not sign up for the talent show and spend the week focusing on that instead."

"Madison, I—" Rodney tried to think of a reason why this was a bad idea, but he drew a blank.

"Trust me." She grabbed his arm, she knew Rodney must be hurting after Parker moved even if he didn't say so. "I know everything about everyone at this school. With my help, no one will ever link you to that video."

"Thanks, Madison, really." Rodney managed a small smile, feeling hopeful that her plan would work. "And, uh, sorry about you and Parker. I am sure it didn't feel great when you found out he was moving."

"Please." She waved him off. "What are friends for? and don't worry about me, Parker and I, we're all good."

"Okay," Rodney agreed, realizing that he still had a friend after all. "Let's do it."

"Great. But in the meantime no more fires, okay?" She said, and Rodney couldn't help but smile at her playful jab.

"Deal," he replied. As they raced off to their classes, Rodney felt the weight on his chest lighten ever so slightly, knowing someone hadn't given up on him was more than he had hoped for.

-----

After school, Madison met Rodney at his house and they made themselves comfortable in the living room. Madison's fingers flew over her phone screen with precision. "And... reported," she announced, tucking a strand of jet-black hair behind her ear. "The video of your little inferno should be history soon."

Rodney watched her work from the edge of the couch, surrounded by scattered sheet music that Madison had deemed 'unworthy' of restoring his image. "Thanks, Madison. I had no clue you could get a video taken down."

"Taking down a video is easy," she said, returning to her task of going through his sheet music. "But find you a totally awesome song to take the heat off of you is next to impossible with these choices." She closed the piano bench looking a little defeated. "Don't you have any sheet music from after the eighties?"

"Well, most of it was my Dad's. He used to say that all the best songs were written before the nineties," he said, remembering the first time his dad taught him how to play a chord. It was the G chord, and from that moment on his dad would always call him his rock star.

"Well, your dad may be right. But we need something everyone will recognize." She said dismissively but Rodney noticed how carefully she started going through it, carefully placing the music on the carpet before moving on to the next piece. "Ok here's something," she flashed a copy of Bruno Mar's Lazy Song. "This could work."

Rodney looked over the pages, he remembered when his friend Zayne used that last of his allowance to buy the song. They were in grade six at the time and were convinced they would be able to start a band. "I haven't played that song in years. What if I mess it up?"

"Stop," she said firmly. "If you think you're going to fail then you will. You can do this, you are better than you think and we are going to show everyone just how awesome you are." Rodney nodded and the pair began to rehearse.

---

A week later, the evening air was charged with anticipation of parents and students who came to support their friends and family. Backstage, Rodney felt his stomach churn. He thought about his performance, was it really who he was? Why did he feel like it was just him trying to run away from his past again?

"Hey, you're up next," Madison whispered, giving his shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

"Right." Rodney's gaze darted to the curtains where a group of girls were dancing to It's Raining Men. They weren't good, but they were having fun and he could tell they were enjoying every minute of it. He wondered if maybe he should just embrace the fact he messed up. I mean everyone makes mistakes right, he thought.

"Remember, you're talented, and—" Madison paused, holding his gaze, "No matter what happens out there I'll still hang out with you. Honestly, this past week has been a lot of fun."

"Thanks, Madison." He said as applause erupted from the audience, signaling the end of the dance.

"Go get them," she urged with a nod towards the stage.

Rodney stepped into the blinding lights, the murmurs of the crowd sharpening into focus. He had never actually played for a crowd before, he stared out at all the faces before him and for a moment he felt like he couldn't breathe. But then, he shook his head and took a deep breath. Even if tonight wasn't perfect, he was happy to have just spent time hanging out with Madison.

"Hi, everyone," he began, his voice surprisingly steady. "I'm Rodney, and I was supposed to be performing the Lazy song tonight."

Rodney glanced at Madison offstage, he saw confusion spread across her face. He hoped she would understand what he was about to do. He turned back to the audience.

"Instead I'll be performing Perfect by Pink." He sat down near the mike with his guitar ready to go before another thought struck him. "Minus the swearing." he looked over at Ms. K, who gave him a thumbs up.

The song filled the auditorium, Rodney felt lighter as the song progressed, confessing just how he was feeling while reassuring himself that he would be ok. The crowd responded, leaning in and singing along.

In the end, he didn't win that night but the applause that followed felt like a victory. Madison was also happy with his performance claiming it was flawless.

"That was amazing! You probably would have won if Shelby wasn't basically showing off her audition for Circ de Soliel," she said, as they walked through the school parking lot.

"Yeah, when she started spinning on the hula hoop thing I knew she was winning," he laughed, feeling genuinely happy for a change.

"Still if I had to pick, I think your performance was just a little better. So let's celebrate our non-victory with some burritos. My treat." Madison guided him toward the shortcut through the conservation area.

"That sounds amazing," Rodney said, grateful to have Madison as a friend.