Be a girl

The new school term meant switching to the winter uniform, which was good because it was beginning to cool down a lot, even if it wasn’t quite winter yet. My gloves also kept my hands warm and cozy, which was very nice. I did find it a little funny that the purpose intended by my gloves’ manufacturer was merely an added bonus for me.

I’d given much thought over what Izzy and I had discussed during the holidays. I couldn’t deny that I was still upset at what the girls had done at the sleepover, but could I really hold that against them forever? An aching loneliness had formed in my heart, and depriving myself of my friends only made me feel worse, especially since I wasn’t only hurting myself. The girls wanted me back, and my self-imposed isolation had become suffocating. Claire had promised not to try anything more, and if she kept her promise, then I was willing to rejoin the group.

She gave me a worried smile when I entered homeroom. I returned a forced one and made my way over to her. I was suddenly struck with a pang of envy that quickly morphed into frustration, but I pushed those feelings down. I was going to keep my promise to Izzy, and that meant no longer staying mad at Claire.

The relief was clearly evident on her face when I sat down next to her. She asked me how I was doing, to which I responded with a stock standard answer. I told her that I was willing to rejoin the group, which filled her with an enthusiasm that reminded me of when we’d first met. With a beaming grin, she pulled me into a side hug that I begrudgingly accepted.

True to my word, I met up with the girls at recess. Except, it wasn’t just the girls. To my surprise, Oscar was there too, looking rather more grumpy than usual, but present nonetheless. It was a strange feeling, all things considered. After so long, we were all back together, something which hadn’t happened ever since I’d transformed Claire. I had to admit, I missed this.

“We’re so back!” Rachel exclaimed, pumping her fist in the air. She went over to Oscar, wrapping her arm around his neck and pulling his head down so that she could rub her fist across the top of his head. Unhappy with this, Oscar struggled from her grasp and pushed her away. She just laughed. “Glad you’re back.”

“Whatever,” Oscar grumbled, stuffing his hands awkwardly into his pockets.

Rachel grinned. “Still mopey by the looks of things though.” He rolled his eyes at her.

I piped up, “I’m surprised you’re back, Oscar.”

“Yeah…” he sighed.

Claire pulled him into a side hug – sporting her usual cheery smile – and Oscar’s face visibly relaxed. She quickly pulled away, shooting her grin at the rest of the group. “Oscar and I had a much needed talk over the holidays.”

The boy nervously rubbed the back of his neck. “I realised how much of a dick I was being and apologised to Claire. I put my own feelings above hers, and that was wrong of me. I thought she’d become a different person, but actually she’s more herself than ever.” He chuckled to himself. “She’s still a huge noob.”

“Excuse me mister,” she rebutted, placing her hands on her hips and glaring down at him. “I was the Claire winner of our little rematch yesterday.”

He snickered, “And her puns are as bad as ever.”

“Rude!”

That got everyone laughing; even Claire, as offended as she was at Oscar’s jab. It was good to have everyone back, and hard to believe that I was ever mad at any of them. It was all so long ago, and I was glad that we’d put it all behind us. I was stupid to deprive myself of my friends.

“What about you, Ben? What brings you back?” Rachel asked once everyone had calmed down. Unlike with Oscar, she didn’t make any physical contact with me, for which I was very grateful. I doubted I’d be able to break free from her grip.

I didn’t answer right away, instead blushing at being put under the spotlight all of a sudden. Izzy noticed my hesitancy and answered in my stead. “Ben and I had our own much needed discussion over the holidays.” She placed a hand on my shoulder, rubbing it gently with her thumb, and gave me a warm smile. I returned my own smile as best I could, but with how flustered I was at that moment, it was probably quite pathetic looking.

“It’s good to have you back,” Rachel beamed, lightly punching my shoulder. “Both of you,” she added, glancing over at Oscar.

It was good to be back.

***

True to her word, Claire didn’t try to ‘help’ me, and she kept quiet about all the events which led to me becoming upset at her. I appreciated that greatly. Of course, her promising to stop trying to help me did not stop her from trying to help others. Not that that mattered to me.

We all settled back into a groove with the new term. It felt very much like the start of the year, when we’d had no hang ups about spending time together as a group. Claire also began walking home with me once again. I hadn’t even realised I’d missed it until we started it back up again. Claire, Oscar, and I even got back to our regular after school gaming sessions as well. I think we all missed them. I sure did. It was nice to return to normalcy.

Rachel managed to convince Claire to try and join the school’s soccer team. Claire was initially hesitant, owing to the abysmal attempt at joining the softball team last term. But she didn’t want to miss out on more sports if at all possible. Besides, Rachel was one hundred percent prepared to throw hands at anyone who took issue.

Luckily for the both of them, the coach of the girls’ soccer team took no issue with Claire playing. They both enthusiastically told the whole group the exciting news. Rachel did note that a couple of the girls on the team had given Claire some nasty side-eyes, but she assured us she’d had some ‘kind’ words with them.

It was not long after the start of the second school term when Izzy and Rachel invited the rest of our group to their first music recital of the year. Oscar and I were somewhat hesitant to attend, since it was on a weeknight and therefore cut into our gaming time, but Rachel didn’t accept that as a good enough excuse. She wouldn’t take no for an answer, and we both knew that arguing would get us nowhere, so we begrudgingly agreed to attend.

Since the recital was to take place at the school during the evening, Claire offered to walk with me so that neither of us would be lonely. She greeted me at the front door of my dad’s house with plenty of time before the recital’s scheduled start.

I decided to wear my big puffy jacket so that I didn’t freeze in the late autumn evening temperatures. Perhaps it was a little overkill (Claire was wearing a regular jacket), but I could always unzip it if I became too hot. The cold weather did make me wonder why, before last year, I hadn’t considered wearing gloves during the colder months. It was very nice not having frozen hands.

Claire was buzzing with excitement on the walk over; a stark contrast to me, who simply admired nature. With the winter solstice only about a month away, the sun had begun setting very early these days. Indeed, the night sky was already painted black, with a few speckles of the brightest stars in the Milky Way scattered about. I lamented the light pollution cutting off the truly spectacular display of our galaxy from view, but I did have to admit that the streetlights helped immensely with finding our way to our destination. I was a little disappointed the moon wasn’t out tonight, but it was a waning crescent, and had set a few hours prior. At the very least, I was thankful there wasn’t a cloud in sight, and some stars were actually visible.

We arrived at school shortly and made our way over to the auditorium. It was a building with which I wasn’t too familiar, owing to me having no real reason to come here previously. It wasn’t too large, but it could seat probably a few hundred people, which was more than enough for its purposes.

Our two musical friends were already inside waiting for us to arrive. Rachel wore a black button-up shirt and dress pants, along with white suspenders which I suspected were more for style than holding up her pants. On the other end of the spectrum, Izzy wore an elegant red dress and sparkly makeup. She’d ditched the glasses for tonight, leading me to suspect she was wearing contact lenses instead. She was also wearing high heels, making me temporarily the shortest in the friend group, which did feel a little strange. She was almost as tall as Rachel now.

Rachel rushed over and gave Claire an enthusiastic hug, before shooting a grin in my direction once they had broken apart. Isabel also gave Claire a hug, but it was much gentler, then gave me a sweet smile and a friendly hello. I greeted the girls with an awkward wave and a quiet hello.

“Ah, there’s Mr. Grumpy Bumpy,” Rachel said, looking past Claire and me. I turned to see Oscar entering the auditorium with his hands shoved into his pockets and an irritated expression on his face. He rolled his eyes at the nickname he’d been given.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t Lucifer’s daughter, come all this way up from Rach-Hell,” he quipped.

She snorted. “Yeah, I’ve come here to corrupt heaven’s perfect little angel,” she said, right before giving Isabel a soft peck on the lips, leaving the shorter girl stunned. The colour of her face suddenly matched that of her dress, even through all the makeup.

She wasn’t the only one who was stunned, however. For one, I was quite surprised that Rachel would simply kiss Izzy. So openly at that. But also, Oscar was shocked by the sight too. He stared at the two girls with his mouth open slightly, highly confused. In fact, Rachel and Claire seemed to be the only two of us who weren’t stupefied by what had just happened.

My mind went back to the events of the sleepover – that fateful day – where Claire had dared the other two girls to kiss. Things seemed to have developed from there, without me even realising. Of course, I hadn’t exactly been paying much attention to the girls for several weeks, but still. The fact that Oscar was just as surprised as me suggested I wasn’t simply oblivious. Though there did remain the possibility that Rachel was simply teasing all of us. I couldn’t discount that, though it did seem a little unlikely.

Oscar shook his head as he tried to process what he’d just seen. “You’re gay?” he asked incredulously.

Rachel raised an eyebrow, walking over to him cooly with a hand on her hip. She stopped right in front of him, jutting her hip out to the side. “Yeah,” she said, “Got a problem with that?”

Oscar took a step back and held his hands up defensively. “What? No? Dude. I’m gay too.”

Now it was Rachel’s turn to be stunned. “Wait, for real?”

The boy chuckled nervously. “Yeah,” he replied.

Izzy gave Rachel a light tap on her arm. “See? I told you he’d be fine,” she said.

“Fine, you were right,” Rachel conceded, throwing her hands in the air. She paused for a moment, a subtle frown forming on her face. “Wait, does that mean that none of us are straight?”

Claire slowly raised a tentative hand, getting the attention of everyone. “Umm,” she said sheepishly, “I think I might be?”

What? That was a surprise. I could have sworn she’d said she was bi. I wasn’t the only one taken aback by Claire’s declaration though, as both Rachel and Izzy looked quite surprised. Somehow, Oscar didn’t seem fazed.

“Wait,” Rachel interjected, “I thought you had a girlfriend though?”

Claire looked at Rachel as if she’d just admitted she believed the Earth was flat. Pure bewilderment. “No?” Claire said, “What would possibly make you think that?”

Rachel returned a look of confusion. “I? What? But what about that girl on the other soccer team on the weekend? You were clearly into each other.”

Claire sighed and shook her head. “Listen. One, we’re friends and nothing else,” she said, giving Rachel a stern stare. “Two, he’s not a girl, he’s a boy.”

Rachel opened her mouth, but instead of speaking, she made a confused utterance. This gave an opportunity for Izzy to speak up. “Wait, should you be telling us that?” she inquired curiously.

“It’s fine,” Claire replied, waving her hand dismissively, “Just don’t tell his mum.” Izzy didn’t seem convinced.

“Hmm,” Rachel mused, rubbing her chin, “That actually explains a bit. But he was definitely into you.”

“Ugh, you sound like my sister. We’re friends.”

“Whatever you say,” said Rachel, shrugging, “But it at least explains why you didn’t invite him tonight.”

“Anyway,” Izzy interjected, “Rachel and I better get ready; the show’s about to start. See you all later.” She smiled and gave us a wave, before grabbing a hold of Rachel’s hand and heading off with her in tow. The three of us that remained all watched silently as they disappeared.

“I’m curious,” I said after the two girls were out of sight, “I thought you were bi, Claire.”

“So did I,” Claire chuckled sheepishly. “But I dunno. I just sorta lost a lot of my interest in girls recently. Not sure why. I mean, girls are still pretty but… I dunno.”

Oscar rubbed his chin pensively. I stared at Claire curiously, though I wasn’t entirely sure what to say. Attraction was hardly my realm of expertise.

“Do you think becoming a girl had anything to do with it?” Oscar asked.

“Maybe?” Claire shrugged. “I dunno.”

Oscar patted her shoulder gently. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out eventually.”

“Yeah probably. Anyway, we should probably go find a seat for the show.”

We all agreed and entered the big double doors that led to the seating area of the auditorium. Finding seats all next to each other, we chatted about video games while we waited for the performances to start, which didn’t take too long. The MC introduced themself, and the show quickly got underway.

It started with a band comprised of what appeared to be students from the younger year levels at the school. They were ok. Nothing special. They could play their instruments. I wasn’t really expecting much from them.

After a couple of tunes from them, it was time for the school’s jazz band to play. Both Izzy and Rachel were present, and Claire cheered them both on the instant she saw them. Oscar had to elbow her so that she’d be quiet; this wasn’t a regular concert where cheering was expected, she was being rather rude. It didn’t stop Rachel from giving Claire a smirk and a thumbs up.

This band was far better than the previous. No surprises there. It was mostly the older kids, and they were far more well practised with their instruments. Rachel was really getting into it. She was almost dancing to the beat as she played along, giving important depth to the music. I could literally feel the sounds of her bass guitar in my chest. Unfortunately, I was unable to hear poor Isabel on her clarinet, as she was drowned out by the much louder trumpets and saxophones. I was a little sad about that.

There were a couple more bands after that, but I didn’t pay too much attention to them. Sure, they were fine, but neither of my friends were in them, so I didn’t particularly care. But once the band performances were done, it was time for the individual performances from the year 12 students, and that meant we’d finally be able to hear Izzy on her clarinet.

She was actually the second to come out. She carefully placed her sheet music on the stand in the centre of the stage and began to play. And her music was beautiful. It was a wonder how I’d gone this long knowing Izzy without realising just how good she was at her instrument of choice. After she was done, she curtsied and left the stage. Claire loudly cheered for her, clapping enthusiastically. I joined in the applause but kept my clapping to a reasonable level (though the sound was quite muffled by my gloves anyway).

Several more students came up to play, and they were all clearly very skilled at their craft. But I didn’t really know them. Sure, some of them I’d seen around school and in class, but we never spoke. Eventually Rachel swaggered out, the strap of her bass guitar wrapped around her neck, and the instrument hanging off her back. Unlike Izzy, she didn’t bring any sheet music with her. She swung her guitar round to the front, and began to slap at the strings, banging out a funky tune. Like her performance in the jazz band, she moved her body around along with the groove, really feeling the music.

It was a very different kind of performance to Izzy’s. Whereas Izzy had projected an air of delicate precision, her music focused and controlled, Rachel was wild and brash. She was loud, she was aggressive, and she was funky. Rachel did not hold back in the slightest. By the time she was done, she was huffing and puffing for air. She swung her bass onto her back and gave an over the top bow to the audience, making a little flourish with her hand. Claire once again gave our friend a thunderous applause.

After a few more individual performances, the night was over. I breathed a sigh of relief that it was finally done, as it had dragged on for quite a while. Though I did enjoy some performances, particularly Izzy’s and Rachel’s, most were quite ordinary.

Oscar, Claire, and I met up with our two musical friends in the foyer once they were all done packing up their instruments. As they approached, they were each holding onto their respective instruments, and each other’s hand. Claire, being Claire, rushed over to them and gave them both a hug.

“You were both so great!” she exclaimed, struggling to maintain her enthusiasm at a reasonable level.

“Hell yeah we were!” Rachel replied ecstatically.

“Thank you,” Izzy smiled.

Claire jittered and shook her body excitedly, stamping her feet and waving her hands in Isabel’s direction. “Hey Izzy, Izzy, can I hold your clarinet?”

Izzy raised her eyebrow. “Um, why?”

“Please,” Claire pleaded.

After a moment of pondering, Izzy hesitantly handed her the instrument in its case. “Um, sure,” she said, perplexed.

Claire snatched it up instantly, hugging it close to her chest. “Mwuahahaha!” she cackled maniacally like a mad scientist from a cartoon. “It’s my Claire-inet now!” Oh jeez. Izzy rolled her eyes at the classic Claire pun, though she couldn’t help but smile. Oscar, meanwhile, groaned.

Rachel snorted. “You dork!” she said before she and Claire both giggled. Claire did hand back the clarinet after that, as she clearly only wanted to hold it so that she could make her silly pun.

That did actually get me curious. Rachel played the bass guitar, despite the fact that it was quite a large instrument, and it dwarfed her whilst she was playing. The fingers on her left hand always seemed stretched as far as they could go whilst she was performing earlier, and it didn’t look too comfortable.

“Hey Rachel,” I said, causing her to perk up. “Why do you play bass guitar? Why not a smaller instrument like a regular guitar?” I of course knew that the reason for the bass guitar’s large size was because the longer, thicker strings could much more easily produce lower notes than a regular guitar, which was higher pitch, and therefore didn’t need to be as big.

Rachel scoffed at my question, as though suggesting she play a regular guitar was an offence of the highest order. “Because guitar is cringe,” she huffed, evidently offended by my suggestion. “You see, this baby” – she held up her instrument in its case, patting its side – “is bassed.”

“Aye!” Claire exclaimed, holding up her hand. Rachel immediately took the invitation and gave the tall girl a very satisfying high five.

“Would that make a double bass, double bassed?” Oscar added.

“Yeah, it would,” Rachel snorted. “But bass guitar is still cooler,” she added, sticking her tongue out.

“Anyway, thanks for coming out tonight,” Izzy said softly, poorly hiding her enjoyment of our friend’s silly antics. “It means a lot.”

Rachel couldn’t help herself, and suddenly burst into a fit of giggles. Why, I had no idea. Izzy’s expression of gratitude was fairly standard in my opinion – nothing funny whatsoever.

“Yeah, congrats Claire! First girl to come out as straight!” Rachel chortled.

“Rachel, you are such a massive dork,” Izzy said, shaking her head, facepalming. This did not tide the flow of her girlfriend’s giggles. Even Claire got a laugh out of it.

“And that’s why you love me,” Rachel teased, sticking her tongue out.

Izzy smiled and shook her head, clearly amused. “I can’t deny that,” she said, leaning in and giving Rachel a quick kiss on the cheek. Rachel smirked and waggled her eyebrows suggestively. “Anyway, thanks for supporting us,” Izzy added, returning her attention to the rest of us.

“No worries,” Claire beamed, “We all had a lot of fun tonight, didn’t we?”

Oscar and I both nodded. I had to admit, I enjoyed the night much more than I initially thought I would. It definitely helped that two of my friends had performed tonight, and I had Oscar and Claire to hang out with as well.

With that, we all bid our farewells. Rachel and Izzy went off together, Oscar left on his own, and Claire and I began walking back to my house with each other. Overall, it was an enjoyable night.