Awakening the Lightforged

"They're dead."

Estingai's voice was quiet, the silence it left in its wake, deafening.

Koruuksi's legs trembled.

"They're all gone," Estingai said, voice just as quiet and empty as before. “She killed the Remnant before we even had a chance.”

“Who did?”

“The Deathknight.”

Koruuksi's heart pounded, chest tight. He looked to Uuchantuu and winced at the pale shade of red her face had taken.

Estingai snatched his wrist.

Koruuksi flinched, gaze snapping to her.

A storm flashed in Estingai's gaze for a moment. Then it was gone. Her grip slackened.

"I don't know what to do," she breathed, barely more than a whisper. "How do we…?”

She let go of his arm then, squeezing her eyes shut, then looked at him again.

She wants me to tell her how to move on; that it's going to be okay.

Koruuksi hated when people assumed he could just do that. He made a point of trying to find something positive when he could. Sometimes things were too screwed up for him to even try.

Looking to Uuchantuu, Koruuksi saw the same despair in her gaze.

Taking a deep breath, he squeezed his eyes shut, running a hand through his hair. He tried to think of what Svemakuu would do. He always found something good in the bad.

"We can—"

He stopped.

We can what? This was our last chance.

"There's no point," Estingai said, as though she could read his thoughts. The defeat in her voice made his blood boil.

"That's just the after-effects of lightlessness talking."

Estingai's eyes flared.

She grabbed one of the healing georaurals and closed her eyes. Koruuksi watched as the gemcrest at her collarbone shone brighter. He frowned. Estingai shivered, then removed her hand from the healing georaural, showing its dull, lightless biogems.

Koruuksi gritted his teeth.

Now no one can use that for a week unless we refill it with light from something else.

"There's no point," Estingai said, voice stronger, louder. She brightened her greynodes and pushed herself up from the blankets and slab of stone that served as a pallet.

Koruuksi didn't back down as she glared at him.

"Don't you get it?" she growled, voice raw. "They're dead."

Koruuksi set his jaw even as he felt himself start to grow numb. He would not shut down. Not now.

Darkness, they're really gone. He's gone.

"Estingai," Uuchantuu began. "I know it's—everything is awful, but you're—"

"Don’t!"

Estingai whirled on Uuchantuu, then glared between her and Koruuksi. She was a terrifying mess. No armor, the clothes she wore tattered and cut away where Koruuksi had needed to peel off dirty, bloodsoaked strips of fabric. She still bore sweat stains on the faded black shirt and undershorts. Where her clothes didn't cover her, bandages or bruises did.

"I'm nothing," Estingai snapped, voice like a whip. "I'm a failure. I couldn't protect them. I couldn't even die along with them. What could I have done against the Deathknight? Even Matsanga couldn’t beat her! We can't do anything. We're all—"

"Enough!"

Estingai shut up, and Koruuksi blinked. Usually it took a lot more than that to get Estingai to stop when she was angry.

Koruuksi's stomach twisted as that sank in.

She really is broken.

Estingai had stopped shouting, but she glared fire at him.

She opened her mouth, the veins on her neck and forehead sticking out, but Koruuksi beat her to it.

"Not here," he said, quiet, but firm. "You can be angry with me and Uuchantuu and the world all you want, but not here. Whatever you think, morale is still important."

Koruuksi's eyes flickered down as Estingai clenched her fists, and Koruuksi closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep, shuddering breath.

How did Svemakuu manage to do this? Especially with her? She's so freezing hard on herself and feels everything so deeply.

That was also why Svemakuu loved her. Why Koruuksi loved her. It was what made Estingai so great, and so infuriating.

Koruuksi tried to take a step back, to find a way to get through to her even as he wanted to go and collapse in a dark corner.

"I can't do it," Estingai said, voice cracking. She wasn't yelling anymore, but was still loud enough for those beyond the curtains to hear over the low hum of the vents and the lights.

"I can't be all positive and hopeful like you and Svemakuu always are.”

The pain in her eyes threatened to break Koruuksi. It tore at him. A part of him just wanted to scream, to hit something. He didn't know how he held it in.

"Some people just can't do it," Estingai said. "I—"

"I know.”

Svemakuu was his brother, one of his best friends. To Estingai, he'd been so much more than that, and she'd been broken before Koruuksi had even been born.

Koruuksi took her hand, and Estingai tensed. She didn't break eye contact, though.

"Just fight it," he told her. "You have to. We all have to, but you especially can't give up. With Svemakuu—" Koruuksi's voice caught and he swallowed hard, "You're one of—you’re the Last Knight, Estingai. You can't just do nothing."

It had been the wrong thing to say. Koruuksi knew it the moment the words left his mouth.

Estingai yanked her hand away.

“Stop.”

She looked between him and Uuchantuu.

"What would you two do if the other died?" she growled, "You barely go anywhere without one another. Could you even function?"

She took a step closer to Koruuksi.

"Try imagining that. Then you might have a hint of how I feel."

Koruuksi opened his mouth, but found he had nothing to say. He glanced at Uuchantuu, then back to Estingai, cold inside.

Estingai nodded. "They abandoned us. Kweshrima, Nevisi, Matsanga, Svemakuu, Kojatere…”

Koruuksi frowned at the last two, throat tight.

"There's still a way out. Even if it seems impossible."

Uuchantuu's voice was small, but drew both their attention.

"That's what you told me after they took my family," Uuchantuu said, voice a bit stronger this time, her amber gaze fixed on Estingai. "After they took Alasia from us."

Estingai tensed. For a while, the two women just stood there, gazes locked. Then Estingai turned toward Koruuksi's medkit and grabbed a spare healing georaural.

"I'm done."

She pushed through the curtains and stalked off.

Koruuksi watched as everyone outside parted. They knew better than to get in Estingai's way. They watched her go along with him, then turned their attention toward him just before the curtain swished shut.

Koruuksi's blood roared in his ears, heart pounding, legs trembling.

Uuchantuu was there, easing him against the stone table as he slumped to the ground.

Ice formed in Koruuksi's stomach. He barely held back everything that threatened to crash down around him.

He clung to Uuchantuu, and she to him, drawing strength from one another.

When Koruuksi met her eyes, he could see that Estingai's words haunted her just as much as they did him.

They couldn't give up, but…

What in darkness do we do?