Apocalypse Parenting

As expected of this type of Challenge, the many ambush-type monsters have put contestants on edge. Combined with the fog and darkness, that has led to many accidents. A significant portion of the early deaths this Challenge were due to friendly fire.

– Radio transmission from Voices for Non-Citizens

“About ten meters!” Pierced Eyebrows called. “Well... Ten meters until things level out. There’s not exactly a bottom, the wall of the pit just slopes until it becomes the floor.”

Pointy frowned. “The wall slopes? That would make falling in the pit safer.”

“Yeah. I had my rope, but I think even without it the landing wouldn’t have hurt too much. Kind of like falling on a giant slide.”

“You weren’t attacked?”

“No… but I can sense a big monster just a little way ahead. Maybe one of those rock elementals? It’s close enough that I probably would have slid into it if I was falling normally.”

I snorted, reaching for the rope. “We can take a rock elemental.”

“Put that down, Meghan! We can, but you’re not the person to do it.”

I grumbled, but let go. Sort of.

It was more like Gavin pulled me away, but I didn’t start a wrestling match with my six-year-old.

Yay me?

Finding pit traps was easy, but Pointy had taken ages walking in stupid circles in this stupid castle, trying to decide which one was closest to my stupid husband. By the time she made her choice, I was almost literally chewing on the walls. Fortunately for all of us, I’d chosen the more socially-acceptable (but equally useless) route of trying to bash them to pieces rather than literally eat them, but that was less a matter of self-control and more a matter of what tools I had at hand.

Fewer tools, now that I’d ruined another knife. I was still using it anyway, slamming its chipped and dulled blade into the mortar. There was no real real goal to this; I just needed some kind of outlet for all the energy that kept bubbling up, and Pointy insisted that I shouldn’t be on the frontline for any of the fights. It was infuriating.

Pointy was directing the rest of the group, choosing a team and sending them down to take out the earth elemental, then sending others down one-by-one to secure a spot in what was apparently a fairly lengthy downstairs hallway. That gave me plenty of time to get my knife blade wedged about two inches into the wall and pull so hard I snapped it off at the hilt. Stupid thing! I slammed the hilt into the rest of the blade, trying to use it like a hammer.

“Meghan, it’s your turn now. Cassie and I will ride on your back. Gavin, you follow us down and be ready to catch us. Micah, you will follow Gavin.”

“Finally!”

I paused for a split-second to let Cassie grab onto my shoulders - she was more than strong enough to hang on without help - and swung myself over the edge. My injured hand didn’t really slow me down: my missing fingers were often problematic for tasks that required dexterity, but I’d kept my thumb. For something like this, my excessive strength more than made up for any imperfections in my grip.

It was only after I got to the bottom that something occurred to me. “Hey, where’s the cloudcar?”

“I had Cassie dismiss it.”

“We could have gotten it down here…”

“Haven’t you been paying any attention, Meghan? They found a small passageway behind the rock elemental. It’s lit up and the walls and floor are tile, instead of stone.”

I scowled. “No, I’m not paying attention. You say ‘No’ every time I offer to do anything, and it makes me angry.”

Pointy sighed. “I suppose taking your aggressive energy out on the walls is better than directing it toward the group…”

“I thought so,” I said, giving the wall kick hard enough to hurt my toes.

“Well, the new passageway is different enough to be promising, so we sent a scout down. We can still see them, but they can’t come back. There’s some kind of invisible barrier that you can enter but not leave.”

“And we’re going in there?”

Pointy shrugged. “My previous arguments in favor of proactive exploration remain. Additionally, now that one member of our group is trapped, abandoning them would affect group morale in extremely undesirable ways. It is, however, too narrow for the cloudcar.”

“I don’t like that…”

“Indeed. However, you are perceptive and highly motivated to protect Cassie, and, for the job of protecting her, your elevated adrenaline levels may even prove beneficial. Of all the group, you are least likely to relax and be taken off-guard.”

My laugh made the people left in the upper hallway back away. “Relax? Not a chance.”

My kids and I were in the middle of the group as we entered the new passageway. When Pointy had said it was tiled, I’d envisioned something sterile, white, and threatening, like a laboratory.

That wasn’t what we found at all.

The floor featured black-and-white squares in a checkerboard pattern, like something you might find in a retro diner. The walls were a pattern of smaller tiles, a mosaic whose main color was a sort of pastel blue, accented by brighter patches of teal, rose, and metallic gold. The ceiling was plain white, with thin rectangular lights recessed into it at regular intervals.

It looked… nice?

“I believe this hallway is designed to be relaxing. Blue is known to encourage a sense of calm, and height and width of the hallway are comparable to those I have seen in domestic human construction,” Pointy said.

“Assholes,” I growled.

“Indeed.”

We moved ahead cautiously, and I strained my Life Sense for any hint of an unpleasant surprise, and making sure to focus on my rear-view and top-view eyes, ready to scream a warning at any hint of change in our surroundings.

Nothing jumped out at us.

We didn’t spring any traps.

After a hundred feet, the hallway ended, transforming into a curving staircase leading down. The decor of the staircase was different than the hallway, but equally human: dark blue wallpaper with a gold fleur-de-lis pattern terminated halfway down the wall at a chunky railing of polished wood. Wood paneling coated the lower half of the wall, ending in a plush carpet in nonthreatening beige.

“Where are the enemies?!” I muttered. “The system warned us hidden areas weren’t safe, and this seems like a fucking hidden area.”

“You still can’t feel anything?” Pointy asked. “Anyone else? Strange metal in the walls, odd rock formations?”

Everyone shook their heads.

“Down we go, then,” Pointy said.

“Are you sure we should-” one man started to ask.

Pointy cut him off. “I am sure we are already committed, and that sitting still has been punished repeatedly in recent Challenges.”

“And hey,” Pierced Eyebrows said. “Things are going better than we expected. We were ready to fight monsters. I think we can handle some carpeting and a few stairs.”

She headed downward and the rest of us followed.

I caught a whiff of something floral as I entered the hallway. “Hey, what’s that smell!? Is it dangerous?”

The kid with Cleanse cupped his hands together, squinting at them. “No… I don’t think so.”

“That’s lavender!” someone called. “I used to pay my masseuse 10 Euro extra each month for aromatherapy.”

I re-checked the iron plates I had floating behind Cassie. They were still in good positions: one above, one below, three in an arc around her head and torso. I was so, so ready for something to jump us.

That feeling only intensified when I started hearing the faint strains of music. Not that the music was sinister. Like everything else in this area, it was pleasant, even calming. Plucked harp strings, maybe? The song even sounded familiar, although I couldn’t quite place it.

It was really obnoxious when nothing attacked.

We made our way down the stairs, through another short hallway, which ended in a closed door. Opening the door wasn’t even stressful: it was see-through, a broad panel of glass in a metal frame, offering a preview of a large chamber painted in pastel gradients and filled with beanbags and recliners. The walls appeared rounded, and I could see another door on the opposite side of the room.

There were a few people inside, but they didn’t seem hostile. Most were lounging in the provided seating, although a few were standing off to the side, fixing the beanbags with suspicious stares.

As we opened the door I caught a faint scent of food, and I noticed that the wall between the doors was lined by a curving table filled with a variety of snack food and drinks.

I didn’t look at it closely, though.

A man slumped in a beanbag, facing one of the other doors, sat bolt upright as he heard us enter.

It was Vince.

His face lit up as he spotted us.