AntiGod: The Odyssey Of God

Akuma Tiryns

To my left, endless shelves stretched out in perfectly aligned rows, creating an illusion of infinity. To my right, the same thing. But, in front of me stood a solitary registry desk, where a man lounged behind the counter, his legs casually propped up, chair rocked back, and a book draped over his face as he dozed in serene oblivion. I’d say he was like a shift worker who hadn’t seen a customer in ages, so he passed the boring hours by napping. Was he allowed to nap? And why was he naked? Is he the manager of this place? If so, I surely couldn’t tell.

I needed answers, especially of my location, so I steeled myself and went up to the worker.

“Good umm… afternoon maybe?” I ventured, my voice barely breaking the silence.

Without lifting his gaze, he lazily pointed toward the direction I had come from, muttering:

“Exits over there.”

His nonchalance suggested he was no novice; he seemed to possess an uncanny awareness of my needs without even acknowledging my presence. “Oh, and by the way, you’re also naked,” he added, his tone casual. “Hmm? GAH-!” I exclaimed, suddenly aware of the cool air against my skin. How embarrassing!

“Exits over there.” He said while pointing a finger to the direction I came.

Maybe this guy was the manager after all. He couldn’t have been a fresh employee. He knew exactly what I wanted without even looking at me.

“Thank you very much.” I replied, feeling a mix of gratitude and confusion.

“Oh, and by the way, you’re also naked.”

“Hmm? GAH-!”

I knew it felt a little breezy. Dammit.

While I passed through the narrow hallway surrounded by books on both ends, I tried squinting to see if I could see where they ended. From half squints to full squints to one eye squinting a smidge bit more than the other, I tried every possible technique. But ultimately, I was met with failure.

I’m not sure how much time I wasted doing that, but it couldn’t have been that long, since the exit was nowhere in sight.

Eventually, I got a little impatient and started speed walking. Which turned into a light jog, which soon turned into a full-on sprint. After a while, I caught a glimpse of something shiny.

(About time. I was starting to think this trail never ended.)

The closer I got, the shinier it became. Soon the light became so bright that it flashed and caused me to briefly close my eyes.

When I opened them, I was met with yet another register. Like the last guy, this one was also sleeping on the job, but this one had a golden book covering his face.

It read:

“Store and Power”

“By: Michael”

(I guess that must’ve been the shiny thing I saw…)

“Hey man. I’m looking for the exit. Your friend told me it was over here.”

“My friend? Didn’t I tell you it was over there?”

“Huh? What the hell are you talking about? I just came over there and the guy over at that register told me to come here.”

“Damn… I guess this place is so big I forgot where the exit was.”

“W-What?! The both of you?! Wha-Wha- Huh-?”

“Relax man. I’m just pulling your leg.”

“Eh?”

“There is no exit. And the guy who pointed you over here… was me.”

He slowly lifted the golden book from his face, revealing something that defied comprehension. It was as if his face had been erased, leaving behind a void that seemed to reflect the very essence of reality itself -a swirling mass of shadows, a glimpse into the infinite.

A cold sweat drizzled down my left cheek, my mind struggling to process the sight before me. The emptiness of his visage was unsettling, a reminder of the fragility of existence itself.

“Who the hell are you? No- what are you?”

“Two very tricky questions. Yep-yep. Tricky, indeed… I go by many names really. The Abyss. Nothing. Creation. God. Truth. Primordial. Enlightenment. Ehh. The list goes on really… As for, what am I? Yep-yep. That one’s even tricker. But if I had to put it into words, I guess… I am every story that has ever been conceived.”

“…So, you’re the librarian.”

“Yep-yep. Cool look am I right?”

“It’s… interesting. Not really what I was expecting, but I guess that it’s charm.”

“Thank you-thank you. I do try.”

“So then, where am I? I know this is supposed to be a library but what exactly is it?”

He fixed himself properly in his seat and rested his head on his fist before answering:

“Let’s see. The library… When something is born inside Yggdrasil, they immediately create a book. That book is stored here, The Library of Yggdrasil. As time goes by, that book is gradually filled in, telling an account of the life they’ve lived thus far. Most people go their whole lives without coming back to this Library. But there a few who do. By destroying your Yang barrier, you will come here, where you will check-out the story you created.”

“How nice of you. You just give them away for free?”

“Free you say? No-no… Once that book comes here, it’s my property. And you’d do best not to alter my property.”

“Alter it?”

“Yep-yep. Change the author. Change the contents. You know… that stuff.”

“Why’d we need to change the contents? Doesn’t it fill out as we go? What’s the point then. Are you pulling my leg again?”

“No-no. I guess I did leave that part out, didn’t I… That’s only when the story is here with me.”

“Hm?”

“When a story is checked-out, Yggdrasil will automatically calculate how it’s gone thus far and fill in the rest. Of course that means… your destiny is now set in stone.”

“I see. So, then I’m here to check out my story, huh?” I asked while staring around the infinite shelves.

“No-no. You already have a story. You’ve had one since you first used the Devour technique. Don’t you remember coming here?”

“Hmm… Nope. When I was in that prison right?”

“Yep-yep. You used your Devour to slaughter all those kids. Quite the monster, aren’t you?”

“H-Hold on a second. You’re oversimplifying it. My memories are still hazy, but I know for a fact that I sent those kids to heaven. They should be living in paradise right now.”

“Paradise? Don’t tell me you’re referring to that place you created.”

“Of course, I am. I made that place specifically for dead humans who lived virtuous lives. Though, I wasn’t sure if those kids had lived virtuous lives, so I used my Devour to force them in. But I assure you I sent them to heaven.”

“And you are aware, you’re not the ruler of that place anymore?”

“Even if Lucifer wanted, he couldn’t change the rules of heaven I created. He doesn’t have Judgment, so he’d need a holy scripture.”

“…”

“…”

“Pfft. Ha-ha. Hahaha! Man, you are a funny one. This is why I keep reincarnating you.”

“What are you going on about?”

“Have a seat. I shall tell you a small tale…”

Without warning, I found myself seated in chair right in front of his register.

“…There was once a very weak angel…”

Try as he might, he could never fill the shoes of his father. He simply didn’t have the power needed to rule over the infinite world.

Refusing to accept his inferiority, he decided to try a different method. If he couldn’t match him on the path of God, he’d instead try to reach him on the path of man. And so, he carried on with the goal of reaching Nirvana, in hopes of one day becoming a Singularity.

However, one day, during his many attempts to reach Nirvana, he realized his plan was ultimately flawed. In the same way a human can never reach a god, it is impossible for a god to walk the path of man. Their fingers could only reach out ever so closely.

Fearing the limitation of his existence, he decided to cheat his way into power. And he did so by telling one lie. “Any human who lives a life of sin, will be casted into the jaws of hell after death.”

Up till now, it was common knowledge that after living a sinful life, you’d simply reincarnate after death. And the few who lived virtuous lives anyways, would ascend to heaven, where they’d live a life of peace for the rest of eternity.

But they didn’t know any better. In their eyes, if God decreed it a so, then surely it had to be. And so, they vowed to never sin again. Of course, sin hadn’t completely vanished from the world, but the important thing was that they were trying.

As the teachings of virtue spread amongst the ears of children, eventually sinners started to be looked down on, and laws were put in place to limit sin. Because of this, fewer people were reincarnated and were instead ascending to heaven after death.

But when they got there, they were met with an eternal misery.

Evey single soul, was converted into power and stored inside of Lucifer’s Holy Grail.

“…It is thanks to the constant stream of that energy, that he can wield the power of a Singularity. *Chuckle. Do you see it now? You didn’t send those children to heaven!!; YOU SENT THEM TO HELL!!!”

He feasted on my despair as if they were his spoils of war. My mind went blank, and my jaw trembled, vibrating my teeth against one another. My shoulders went numb, and my legs felt as if they’d disappeared. At one point I couldn’t even see my surroundings anymore -just a dark cold room echoing with his laughter. But there was a burning sensation swelling up within my gut. Getting denser and denser while getting hotter and hotter. I thought I’d pass out from the heat, when suddenly…

*Clap.

“!”

“As much as I love watching you suffer, I still have to send you back home. So don’t go losing your mind just yet. Save that for the good part please.”

I wanted to ask what he meant by sending me home, but I only had the strength to squeeze out:

“…Home?”

“Yep-yep. I gotta reincarnate you again. Since ya went and died… again.”

“Why bother.”

“Hm? What’s this? Oh, I get it…”

His lips curled to his brows as he finished:

“…You’re still thinking about those kids. *Chuckle. Try not to worry so much. I assure you; they are suffering a fate worse than death. HAHAHA!!”

“What the hell is so funny?!”

“?”

“Those are people you know. How can you sit there and laugh about their suffering?! What are you?!”

“I’ve already answered that question. I am the Libra-”

“WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO LAUGH AT THEM?!! THEY NEEDED ME, THEY WERE PRAYING FOR ME TO HELP THEM!! AND INSTEAD…!! And instead… I gave them more pain.”

“I’m not sure why you’re so mad at me. After all… you’re the one who abandoned them.”

“...”

(Why am I so mad…? Sure, he's laughing at the suffering of others, but is that really why I'm so angry? No. I'm not that kind of person. This anger isn’t towards him. Its towards myself. I'm only pretending to be angry at him. How could I not... I’m the one who created it. This world riddled with pain and sorrow. This world filled with despair and grief... And to think. This world that was supposed to be my greatest masterpiece. Laughable.)

“Laughing, are you? Have you gone mad?”

“Nah. It’s just that I’ve finally come to my senses. For a while now, I’ve been telling myself you were some higher power. And because of that, I wanted to blame you for how trash this world is. For how far gone humans have become. It was just simpler that way. Laughable. Honestly, thinking about it makes me feel like a human. But I’ve snapped out of it now. I won't go blaming others for my mistakes. You aren’t God…”

I stared right into that abyss and confidently announced:

“…I am.”

“…”

“…”

“Fu. FUHa-HAHAHAA!!! YOU? GOD? DON’T MAKE ME LAUGH. You are merely one of the many stories housed within this Library. In my eyes, you’re no different from the average human.”

“Laugh all you want. Just hurry up and send me back. I need to mix my mistakes. And his too.”

(That moron… That isn’t how you save people.)

“Hold on-hold on. Slow your rows. Now I’m interested. Every other story is just so boring…”

He raised his right hand and summoned a glowing white book. My eyes widened as I read the familiar cover.

“…At first, I was gonna just reincarnate you again. But for entertaining me, I think I’ll spice it up a bit. Not only will I bring back your story. I will allow you to take any story with you.”

His playful tone shifted to one of dead seriousness when he finished:

“…Of course, that includes destroyed ones.”

(D-Destroyed ones… Then can I really bring her back…?)

“…I have a question.”

“Hm?”

“Earlier you told me you were every story. That of course includes mine, right?”

“Naturally.”

“Right… So why is it that every other story is boring to you, except mine. Surely you should know the entire plot to mine as well… Be honest with me. That book is empty, isn’t it?”

“…”

“…”

It was hard to tell if I’d gotten him. It’s like trying to see if a black hole is smiling or not. Man. This guy would make for one hell of a poker player.

“Fu-HA. HAAHHAHA…!! Yes-Yes! I’ll admit it! Your story is the only one to be empty despite having been checked-out. Truly an uncertainty.”

“Then-”

“But, that changes nothing. If I wanted to. I could erase this book along with any other story... Would you care to test me…”

“Nope. I believe you… But at least, now I know I have a shot.”

“A shot?”

“Well two shots really. One is of course saving every human in this word, and the second… is kicking your ass.”

“My-My... I did not expect that last part… You people are truly so fascinating.”

“What can I say. Cliché lines aren’t half bad once in a while.”

“I’m pulling your leg.”

“?”

“While I don’t know how your story will end, I know exactly how its’s gone thus far. Because I am every story you can imagine. I am Michael. I am Lucifer. I am Alice. And… I am Akuma.”

Growing up I always heard the term, “If you gaze into the abyss, eventually the abyss will gaze into you.” Back then, I never really understood what it meant. But I think… I think I get it now.

“You know. It’s because I’m Akuma, that I feel it too. How badly you want to save humans. I wanna save them so bad that I can't even think straight. But deep down, you already know how that will end, don’t you? Because you’ve already experienced it… First, they’ll run themselves into ruins. Then they’ll get down on their knees and begs for someone to help them. That’s when you’ll show up. You’ll extend your hand out to the ones in need and for a time, they’ll hold it... They’ll follow you, serve you, even hail you as their God… But without fail, they’ll toss that hand away like yesterday’s garbage. And do you know why? It’s because despite it being their first instinct, nobody wants to be the beggar. They want to be the one with the power. The one who wears the crown. More than anything, they want to convince themselves that they’re more important than the guy next to them… Whether they realize it or not, everyone wants to be a God… So, when you tell me you're a God, I just can’t help but laugh… That goal makes you as human as humans can get… Now scurry along, human.”

*Ding!

With a poke to my forehead, my ears were filled with a loud ringing bell, causing a minor daze effect.

When I came to, I was greeted with the event that started everything. The reason me and him ended up so damn different.

My-no… Our past life.